Crazy Day...

Today we got our Heb B shots. It went okay. They cried for a few minutes then it was over. They weighed Katherine and she is 8lb 9oz and Karly is 8lb 6oz. They are 20.5 inches. Today was okay but they cried a lot. I kept giving them tylenol every 4 hours as per instructed. Karly slept, Katherine didn't. She cried a lot. I ended up putting her in the sling so I could get some laundry done. The doctor said that she may have asthma. They gave me albuterol for it but she doesn't cough, she just wheezes some. I think she has "junk breathing" or something like that. We'll watch the asthma thing because I have asthma but at this point, I don't think that is what it is.

Hello to you!

Last night we did okay again. Our new course? Feedings. How much? How often? Do they just want a paci or are the actually hungry? They just spit up. Is it gas or did they eat to much? Can infants overeat? Am I going to cause an eating disorder? STOP BRAIN! If anyone has anything to help with those freakouts, please do so.

In other news, today we visited! I took them to my work place and we got oohed and aahed over. Loved it! Then, while my boss and coworker fed and burped my babies, I went to my classroom to say bye bye to my kiddies. I mean I haven't worked with them since may but I was with them from sept to may. It was very nice.

Both babies are tired out and after picking up lunch for daddy and bringing it to him, both babies are sleeping in their carseats. I think I'll take a nap!

Good news is that when I return to work part time, I will probably still be in the same age group (toddlers) and that makes me happy. I told my boss not to put me in Infants..hello! She said she wouldn't do that and said I'd probably stay in Toddlers because I'm very good there. Okie. Sounds good to me. Anyway...going to take a nap :)

Sleeping..

Last night really wasn't that bad. We did baths at 7, put on jammies, I read to them, hubby read to them, bottles at 8:30 and bed at 9. They slept until 1:20. I fed them, put them back into bed and let them fuss it out til they went to sleep. Katherine isn't so good at this, so she slept in the swing until 3:30. They both got up to eat at 5 and slept until 7, put them in bed with us and they slept nicely until 8:30. All in all..I slept really well. Hubby woke up with 10 minutes to get ready and get to work...ouch.

Karly fussing. One day I'll finish a blog :).

Beyond exhausted...

Yesterday we were getting back to normal. Katie had a huge BM to clear up her constipation, Karly seemed better. Both slept on the way to the zoo, the walk through the zoo and were awake a bit on the drive home. It was a very nice day.

We got home around 330, I layed down and slept until 530 then got up and fed them. Katie slept and Karly went with daddy.

At 830, I woke up Katie to eat and we put them in bed about 930. I went to bed around 10.

It was decided that daddy would get up for the first feedings, and I would do the rest.

Katherine started crying at 12. Hubby fed her, she wouldn't go back to sleep.

Bring on 445 am, when she went to sleep and I finally went to sleep....up at 630. I tried to sleep again, Katie was in the swing, Karly was next to me but she is now gassy and not comfy. Got up at 710 to start the day. I am sooooooooo tired.

On a good note..My Katie is back to normal. No more screamer. She's back to being happy go lucky...thank the Good Lord :).

Just a few photos...

Top two photos..My dad bought us cardinals outfits for the girls :). Don't they look cute?

Bottom two photos...girls dressed up to go to Outback to meet a friend. Just adorable!

We are leaving to go to the zoo so I should have a cute update tomorrow :).

Last night was a bit hectic...

Yesterday, I went to a 30th birthday party (trying to prepare myself for mine next june..yikes!). This was the first time the girls have really been out and been to someone elses house. They were held the entire time, by my friends (2 of which are expecting) and they loved it. We stayed til 8..way later than we should have. We went and got food and headed home. The girls freak out in the car, if they think they are alone. It was dark. They thought they were alone. They cried all the way home. Once home, we did diapers, jammies and propped their bottles on blankets to feed them. We figured they'd been held enough. All was good at 10. I went to bed and was out cold (suffering from hay fever and I'm miserable).

Katherine woke up at 1:25. Karly woke up at 1:45. Both were fed, changed and put back in bed. I tried to sleep from 2:30 to 4:30 but my sinus' were killing me and I couldn't. Katherine woke up and it took me awhile to figure out she was hungry. I fed her, then her sister and disaster struck. Neither would go to sleep and they took turns waking each other up. I did not give in and around 5:45, I crawled back in bed. They fussed but I went to sleep and woke up at 7:45 with hubby handing me Karly. I layed her next to me and she fell asleep.. Is still asleep actually. I closed my eyes and Katherine yelled out for attention, wanted to eat and is now talking to herself in the swing.

Life is gooooood :).

Today...

Pictures today: Anytime is cake time lol. We bought a small cake and i did my best..

Me, not really feeling well, but look how precious they are!!!

Both babies are sleeping at the same time! Katherine is no where near as fussy as she has been the last several days. I'm actually getting laundry done!

Last night was a pretty good night. We had them in bed at 9:30 but Karly didn't go to sleep until almost 10. I slept from 10-2, when Katherine woke up. I spent an hour feeding, burping and putting her back to sleep. When I layed her in her crib, Karly woke up and the next hour, I spent with her. I slept again from 4-6, when Katherine woke up again. I fed and burped her and she fell asleep in my bed. We allow them to share our bed in the morning. That's it. Karly slept until 9 and it was very nice. I slept until 7, when Katherine woke for the day. It was a very pleasent night. No crying, except to wake me up. I love them to pieces.

We went for our morning walk, which as always, ends with seeing Daddy at work. We are so fortunate to live in walking distance of his job but still in a very quiet neighborhood.

On the workfront. I have decided to go back to work. I'll be working 3 to 630 without the responsiblities I had as a lead. It will be a very nice change, I'll get to spend all morning with the girls and the extra money will be great. It doesn't sit well from time to time but it will be good for all of us. Daddy will have his alone time, and he'll get to know them better.

Life with 2 1-month-olds...

I've been super busy. Everyday I sign on to blog, then get up, hoping to get back but never do. I have one baby awake, one waking up slowly, dishes and laundry need be started BUT I'm going to post a blog :).

We are getting more into a routine and sometimes, like last night, it fails and we make the best of it. Katie refused to sleep unless I was holding her. She has never done this and at 4, reasoning is not my best, so she got her way. I slept with her in my arms. She slept this way until 7. I fed her and she would not go back to sleep. Karly woke up at 730, happy as usual. Right now, Katie is on the couch, with a bottle propped. I don't like doing this, but if she falls asleep, I'd rather have it be there instead of me holding her. Karly is hanging out in the swing, which she doesn't hate as much as she did. My plan is to go for a walk around 10 (we like our morning walk) but it looks like rain so I'm not sure but I do need to go out.

Today, I need to take my comforter to the laundry mat. It has been peed and pooped on and I've tried scrubbing it (it doesn't fit in the washer) but sleeping under it grosses me out, so when we take our morning walk, I'm stopping by and dropping it in. I also want to pick up a cake that says "Happy 1 month, Katie and Karly!"

I'll leave you with photos and since they both are sleeping, I'm going to have breakfast and pump.

Getting the hang of it...

It was easy, then it was hard, then it was really hard, but it's completely worth it!! I am totally in love with my baby girls. I'm sleep deprived, I haven't had a meal without a fussy baby in my arms and I barely have a moment to myself but I'm loving every minute.

The girls are almost a month old. They are 3 weeks and 3 days.

At the last dr appoinment, Katherine has gone from 5 lbs 12 oz to 5lbs 11oz to 6lbs 4 oz to 6lbs 8 oz!!

Karly has gone from 5lbs 7 oz to 5lbs 5oz to 5lbs 10oz to 6lbs 2oz.

They are so healthy and beautiful.

I still have a double infection in my incision but it's getting much better.

Can I say it?

I'm tired. So incredibly tired. Karly woke at 130 to eat and we put her back in bed at 330 asleep. At 335 Katie woke to eat and she is still up. I slept from 6-7 with her next to me but it wasn't really sleep because I was afraid I'd hurt her by dropping her or rolling on her. They are both awake now.

I'm still on antibiotics because I still have an infected incision. Sometimes I feel like I have the flu but the dr said it's the fever from the infection. It's really stressing my body out. A nurse comes daily and change the packing and bandage. Yesterday the bandage had turned green. She doesn't think it's the infection getting worse just a reaction from the solution and the infection. Lets hope so because she said if it gets worst I may have to be hospitalized.

Pumping is not working well at all. I pump maybe an oz a day. 1 oz for two babies. Def not enough. I'm feeling very discouraged and guilty because I can't give my babies what is best for them.

But I am enjoying being mommy to my little girls. Well they are in need of me, so I'm going..

5 years ago,...

I married my best friend. Who knew 5 years later, we'd have two beautiful babies. It's been a great 5 years and my wish is for many, many more with my new family.

To my husband: Happy Anniversary! I love you very much.

2 weeks old today!

The loves of my life are 2 weeks old today. Last Friday, we had our 1 week well visit. It went well.

**Katherine**

Our little Katie has def grown a lot. She went from her birth weight of 5 pounds 12 ounces to 6 pounds 4 ounces in a week. She has grown to 19 3/4 inches! She is still on the small side but she's a twin so it's perfectly normal. Her tear ducts failed to open, so her eyes need to be cleaned and massaged often. They said it could take up to a year to open. Yesterday I took her to emergency care becasue her eye was swollen and was afraid her delicate eye was infected. I was correct and now I have to put an ointment in it. I hope it clears up soon. She's a very good baby and doesn't cry much. Right now we are working on her confused day/night schedule. She likes to sleep all day and keep mommy and daddy up all night.

**Karly**

Our little Karly has grown too. She has gone from 5 pounds 7 ounces (came home at 5 pounds 5 ounces) to 5 pounds 10 ounces. She has grown to 19 1/2 inches! She is on the very small side but the dr said it's okay. Her tear ducts are open but her hip may be dislocated from her delivery. We have to go for an u/s to have it looked at and if it is, she'll need a cast. I was so upset Friday but have been trying to think postively. It doesn't bother her and the other drs' didn't notice (although a nurse did which is why I brought it up to the pedi). Karly is a very good sleeper. She, like her sister, also doesn't cry much but when she does it just breaks your heart.

Both babies are on the same schedule and eat every 3.5 to 4 hours. I think Katie is starting to want to eat more because my hubby fed her about 2 hours after I did and she finished the bottle. It's def okay with me because I don't think they eat enough but they don't complain so how can I.

Mommy and daddy are tired but in heaven. I have been sick since coming home but didn't realize it until Wednesday. I had dev a seroma in my incision and it was becoming infected. I had been feeling feverish and achy for the last few days, that explained it. A nurse has been coming to drain and pack it daily and I've been feeling better. Somehow in two weeks, I've lost the 36 pounds I gained plus 5 of the IVF pounds. 41 pounds! However, I still look about 5 months pregnant but I'm okay with that.

Daddy has been doing a lot. For someone who has never been around children, he is really comfortable around them. He does everything. He changes, he feeds, rocks to sleep and he even gets up for those late night feedings when I've already been up for hours, even though he has to get up early to work. He lets me sleep in until he leaves and puts sleeping babies in bed with me so I don't have to get up right away. I love him so much.

A new post :)

Having a baby (or more) really takes any posting time away :).

Lets start by saying that becoming a mommy is even better than I could of imagined. I love motherhood and everything it entails. In the last week and a half, I've been peed on, pooped on and vomited on. I'm feeling run down but only because I'm so eager to do for my babies that I'm ignoring my own needs, and I think I'm coming down with something. Today I'm feverish, sleepy and achy. I'm starting antibiotics tonight to make sure that there is nothing brewing.

Now onto the babies :)


Katherine Emily (Katie). We named her after my grandma and my mother in law. She is a beautiful, alert baby. She doesn't cry much but she does this squeaky thing that has earned her the nickname "Squeaky". She shows a lot of expressions through her eyes and looks like my dh. Of course, her eyes are blue so I won't know the true color for sometime. She's our little princess. A definate daddy's girl.

Karly Elizabeth. We named her after her daddy. She's a lot smaller, so mommy holds her a lot. Daddy's afraid he might hurt her. She is more of mommy's baby because of that, although they are both very much mine. She likes to curl under my chin and pull her body up. We call her "Turtle". She is very alert during the middle of the day/evening but sleepy the rest of the time. She is going to be out tomboy. She doesn't like any of the cute things mommy tried to put her in. She is a crier if she wants to cuddle or her paci and it isn't happening.

Over all, we are very happy. Daddy is doing a wonderful job. Today I had to run to the dr for an emergency with my incision and he stayed with them. When I came back, all three were sane, Karly was sleepy and Katie was eating. It was so never racking leaving them and I cried leaving the house. Daddy also gets up during the night when they cry. They get up to eat around 1 and again at 5, then sometime in the morning (9-11) they get up for the rest of the day (with catnaps). Things are very good.

Birth Story..

3rd times a charm...

I've tried 3 times to post this but as you can assume, I've been interupted.

Monday morning I woke up at 6, made sure some last minute home details were finished and crawled back into bed. My plan was to wake up at 9, shower and then leave for the hospital about 1015. First off, I overslept. My phone rang at 930 and I answered it. It was the hospital asking me to be there as soon as I could because they had an opening and could do the c section when I got there. I had to skip the shower, we dressed, grabbed our bags and ran out.

When I got there, we got hooked up to IV's and monitors, talked to the doctors and got ready to go into the OR.

Once I got to the OR, they set up the spinal and layed me down. Everything is seeming good. I was so excited for the moment that I forgot one teeny tiny detail of my personality. I'm extremely claustraphobic and I have an anxiety disorder. Once I couldn't move, my worst fears came too. Not being able to move. I started hyperventilating. I couldn't think clearly anymore and was becoming very upset. The dr's told me to calm down and relax. That didn't help. Then they came in with tape and started putting tape from my stomach to my shoulders, then taping it to the table. The next thing I know I started screaming that I didnt' want to do this anymore and I couldn't go through this with this. The dr's told me to calm down or they were going to put a tube down my throat and put me to sleep, that my dh would not be allowed in the room and I would miss the birth. This upset me more. A nurse stepped in and said "get her husband, he will help her". My dh came in and told me to close my eyes and relax. It helped. I was able to calm down and they started the c section.

Baby A (Katie) was born at 12:39 pm. She was stuck, so they vacumned her out. She has a bruise but the swelling has gone down a lot. At 12:44, Baby B (Karly) was born. She was extremly difficult to get out. The dr put the mirror over me so I could watch her come out. I looked when they said "and here's B" but all I saw was a very pale, limp body laying on my stomach and drs trying to pull out her head. They pulled the mirror away and said she was stuck as well. The sight was so upsetting and I started to worry a lot. I closed my eyes, felt a lot of pushing and pulling and then the mirror was replaced and I saw her. She let out a scream and all was better. They bruised her face, well her eye, when they were pulling her out.

Both babies did great and my dh brought them over to me. After seeing them, they left and I was joined in the room with them a few hours later.

I'm home...

I was going to post a birth story tonight but having 2 babies is a lot of work and I'm exhausted. I'll post that later, when things settle down and my house doesn't look like a tornado whipped through a baby store. For now, a photo and stats of my precious baby girls :).

Katherine Emily was born at 12:39 pm, weighed 5 pounds and 12 ounces and was 19 1/4 inches long.

Karly Elizabeth was born at 12:44 pm, weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces and was 19 inches long.

Both were born healthy and didn't need any NICU or Special Nursery time. They spent the whole week with me in my room. I am over the moon happy and everytime I look at them, my heart melts. I am in love with these little girls.

More in a few days.....

38 week today!

I won't lie, I am a bit emotional today. I feel like I need constant hugs and kisses or I am going to cry. A bit needy? Maybe. Tomorrow is the big day. Who says it's not okay to go a little nuts.

Happy Birthday to my sweet husband that is dealing very nicely with a very clingy demanding wife :). Donald...I love you!

We changed one of the babies names yesterday and we still aren't telling, so next week sometime, it'll be announced on this blog :).

I am so ready for tomorrow!! I know I won't update for at least a week but I'm going to ask my hubby to do it sometime next week when he is home.

Take Care everyone :) and thank you so much for all the support you've given me.

37 weeks and 6 days...

I have to admit....I'm ready to have these babies.


Last May (as I was embarking on my first IVF) my hubby and I had chinese food. It's a ritual that when we are done, we crack open a cookie and read the silly fortune inside. Well, last May, he opened his and read it, we giggled and discussed what it would mean, then I cracked mine open and after reading it, I wanted to cry. It read:

"If you want the Rainbow, You have to suffer the Rain"

At the time, I didn't know how much rain we were going to get. We got a lot but now I'm enjoying my rainbow :).

Cheesy, I know, but still.

Last Appointments...

Yesterday I went for my last OB appointment and my last PERI appointment. It was kind of sad to leave and not make another appointment but I know that means I'm ready to have my babies. I'm still a little anxious but I'm good. Hubby and I went out to a very nice dinner last night, walked around the mall for about 5 minutes before we headed out. I have pre admission testing tomorrow morning and then I just have to wait for Monday. I wanted to experience the whole water breaking/labor thing but I'm thinking it's not going to happen. Hubby asked them to wait until Sunday night if they could't wait until Monday lol. I think sunday night would be perfect. Babies were active and are so chubby. I couldn't believe how much they looked like babies yesterday and I've been watching them closely for a long time. It just seemed so real yesterday.

I spoke to my boss yesterday about my coming back/not coming back and I told her that basically I need to wait until they are born because I keep yo-yoing back and forth between a love my job and the love I can imagine that I will have with my babies. I do want to work, but I want to be there to care for my babies, not everyone else's. She gave me a few scenarios (one really sounded good) and told me to wait until they are here and then let her know. That's fair I think.

I'm starving, so I'm closing.

Didn't see this coming...

As I've said before, I've been caring for children since my brother Robert was born 21 years ago. I took care of siblings, I've babysat and then moved onto childcare as a career. I've taken care of all age groups. I've handled 4 infants by myself (not something I would gratefully do again), I've been a nanny to triplet (11mth-22mth) boys, I've cared for a classroom of 2-3 year olds for several years and have also had a few years of 4-6 agers. So what's the problem?

They all belonged to someone else.

I have developed this awful anxiety about having my own kids. I want them so bad and suffered so much to have them. So why am I freaking out? Who knows. Last night I upset myself so bad that I had indegestion..I kid you not.

I was fine. I really was. Until yesterday.

For the last few months, I've been trying to talk to my husband about our birth plan. When to except visitors, taking time to ourselves as a family, to bring the babies in recovery with me if they are well..etc. He has always blown me off with "We'll see" "Don't know" "We'll think about it" and "Maybe".

Yesterday...he comes upstairs and says that his mom is coming at 11 (when I have to be at the hosptial for prep) and she's going to stay all day. Now I start thinking "Why is he talking about our day with his mother when I can't get anything out of him?" So it set me off. We got into a huge fight and came up with a settlement. She can sit all she wants in the waiting room. I will not have visitors until I'm ready and if she wants to sit in the waiting room downstairs from 11-5 then by all means, let her. I know she has no intentions of staying downstairs and she will be upstairs about 1130 but hubby doesn't think so, so I'll let him figure that out. She is basically getting what she wants. I'm not.

The next problem is my fault. I told my hubby that I wanted him to take vacation starting the day we came home. Now that means he has to work while I'm in the hospital. He won't work the day I go in or the day I go home but he will the rest which means I won't be seeing him very much only at night. Which means I'm going to be alone most of the day. That made me a bit depressed. All my friends have jobs so I can't really say when they will be popping in and out and I have no family that will be here so I won't have any of that.

So last night I basically had anxieties about the unknown, having no control over any situation and am unable to plan anything because everyone else is in control of my day. So far I've had no say in anything. Even yelling and arguing isn't helping. I've put my foot down and got nowhere. I really have no control and for someone with an anxiety/panic disorder having no control over anything, is a bad, bad thing. I feel helpless and pretty much alone in this feeling and unless you've felt it, you have no idea. The worst part is, is that I have no more therapy appointments until after the babies are here.

So what do I do? My meds are out of the question. I gave those up to have healthy beautiful babies and I don't regret it. Relaxing is a little difficult. So I blogged the feelings, got them out and off my chest. We'll see if that helps.

5 day countdown..

I've spent the majority of the morning watching movies with my hubby and enjoying watching my belly move. They've been very active this morning and I started thinking about how much I'm going to miss them being in my belly. I don't think I'm going to miss being pregnant, although I love being pregnant. I had the easiest time with it and have been more than lucky. I've been blessed.

Tonight my hubby and I are going to dinner at Olive Garden. I haven't been there in a long time and since his birthday is Sunday and Monday is out C/S, I doubt we will be getting out together in awhile so I am really looking foward to tonight.

Signs of labor? I'm having none. I have lost the ability to stand for more than 5 minutes without cramping and the cramping gets bad if I ignore the inital first cramp. Walking up and down the stairs is almost impossible. I realize that is has to be normal being that I am getting very close. I am kind of looking foward to making it until Monday. 38 weeks and 1 day with twins would be a great accomplishment for me.

Babies update...

Yesterday we went for a check up on the babies to see how they are doing.

Baby A is doing well. She was sleeping during the u/s so they were able to check her. Heartrate was perfect, blood flow through the cord was perfect and she passed the BPP. No distress there.


Baby B was concerning a bit. She's fine but over starting on Friday, she decreased her movements incredibly. Friday I think I got about 2 kicks from her, but I read that movements slow down the bigger they are. She was fine on Thursday so I didn't think anything about. Saturday, the same thing. Nothing until that night and then only a kick or two. So in my head I'm thinking "She's just in a bad spot with no room." A was moving constantly, so I also thought that maybe I was confusing the movements and they were both moving, it just felt like one. So after Sunday being the same way, I started to worry. Sunday night, I slept very little. Monday I got up, showered and left for my drs appointment. I was very short with everyone and worried about of my mind. While waiting for my dh to finish at work, I went in and got a decaf french vanilla iced coffee and drank it. We went to the dr and while sitting in the waiting room, Baby B started kicking and squirming and moving around. I was so relieved.

When I went back for my u/s, the tech asked me how I was doing and I said "better now". She asked what I meant and I told her. She gave me a speech that made me feel so bad as a mother. and it made me keep asking "What If". She also said I should of contacted my OB and told them. Then she continually complained that Baby B was too active now and she kept kicking her cord so the blood flow couldn't be measured. I said "It must of been the coffee". She then said that "IT needs to cooperate because I'm not missing lunch again". Ummm..... "She hasn't been moving in days, I'm very happy about it."

When I went home, I called my OB and told the nurse that Baby B wasn't moving over the weekend but that I thought it was because of the lack of room and should I be doing kick counts and she said that if I'm concerned I can call and that the tech was trying to make me feel guilty. She asked about how they were moving now and checked the report from the maternal fetal medicine, which she said was perfect so there was no reason I should be concerned.

So that's it.

37 weeks..

I am 37 weeks! Dr says I'm good to go so girls, whenever you're ready..you can come on out :).

I have a BPP tomorrow and a doppler to check the umbilical cord blood flow and to make sure the babies overall health is staying good.

Maybe we'll have some insight to when they are coming.

As it is, we are 8 days and counting......

False labor...

Okay so today I had "false labor". I was having what I thought was contractions but also what I thought was a stomach bug. I felt awful. I couldn't stay out of the bathroom and I was getting period cramps in my lower belly and back every 2 to 4 minutes and last for about 5 minutes. I called to ask if there was something I could take for my "bug" and they wanted to see me.

Cervix was closed. She said that I was probably preparing for labor so now we'll see when it happens. I plan on taking it as easy as possible for the next week. I'm getting very excited though.

I looked up false labor tonight and this is what I read:

false labor doesn't cause significant, progressive dilation of your cervix, and the contractions don't grow consistently longer, stronger, and closer together. With false labor, the pain from the contractions is more likely to be centered in your lower abdomen. With true labor, you may feel the pain start in your lower back and wrap around to your abdomen. False labor contractions can be a real drag, interfering with your sleep and making you tired and cranky. (Taking warm baths and drinking plenty of liquids can sometimes help.) You might also feel anxious, wondering when true labor will start.

I was a little confused because today the pain always went to my back. However, I read that if you experience menstrual cramps in your back, you will most likely have back labor. So maybe that explains why it was in my back.

Anyway, I do plan on taking a warm bath tonight to see if it helps me relax and it has really made me think that I need to get my but in gear and get ready for these girls. I mean, we have everything (breast pump just arrived today!) but I haven't sterilized anything. I don't think the perfect time to do that is when they are screaming for a bottle. Childproofing hasn't even begun, but that I can get to later and I just need to do a quick cleaning/dusting/polishing everything and cleaning all their toys and washing the rest of their clothes. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Tomorrow though, I plan on visiting friends and taking it easy.

Happy 4th of July to everyone!

36 weeks 3 day check up!

Both girls are doing great!

• A weighs 6 pounds 1 ounce
• B weighs 5 pounds 11 ounces
• They scored an 8 during the BPP

We have to go back twice next week to make sure they are still doing well.

Next week is my last week being pregnant. It makes me kind of sad.

Tomorrow I visit the OB and see if they think I'll make it 11 more days :). I'm kind of hoping now. How cool would it be if I gave birth in my 39th week? (okay so it would only be 1 day into my 39th week but how cool, right?)

Last night I got no sleep. First, they played grab the bladder. Everytime they hit it, it felt like splinters rushing out. I would have to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes for 2 hours! Then it was lets kick mommy in the ribs, lungs, whatever we can. Once they settled down, they got the adorable hiccups. At the same time! One felt like she was banging my tailbone every few seconds and the other was coming out the side of my stomach. I think I eventually passed out around 3 am and was up at 8. I'm exhausted. Goodnight all :).....11 more days.... I can do it..right?

36 weeks 2 days..

13 days until c section.

• I'm seriously hormonal. Everything makes me tear up and most of the time causes crying. Also, the third trimester exhaustion is no joke :). I feel like I've just recovered from an illness and I feel like I have enough energy to do something but after about an hour, I'm ready for bed again.

• It's only 13, well actually about 12 since it's after 9 pm.

• We have an appointment tomorrow for another Biophysical Profile and I hope the girls are continuing to grow and are still comfy and healthy in their rather tight living conditions. I keep telling them that in two weeks, they will have a wonderfully comfortable place to live and they only have to wait 12 more days :). We decided to invite *gulp* my mother in law to the u/s tomorrow. My hubby thought it would nice for her to see the u/s, she's never seen one in person before, and who am I to deny my hubby from sharing this with his mother. I'm not sure if it's going to be the best idea but the girls are his too. Also, we need to show her where the hospital is because she doesn't know how to get there on her own. Wish us luck :).

Today was somewhat of an emotional day for me. A few weeks ago, my hubby went to the eye doctor for a vision check up. During the visit, it was found that he had too much pressure in his eyes and that was pointing to Gluacoma. Today he had a follow up and it was even worse. No blockages and no vision loss but because the pressure was even worse he was given eye drops to help. The eye drops are supposed to ease the pressure and reverse the situation. He'll have to do them forever, but he'll be able to see. I was called back to ask if he should do the eyedrops. "Of course, he needs the eye drops. I want his eyes to be okay." Why are they asking me? Unfortunatly, the eye drops will change the color of his eyes to brown. Permanently. I love the color of my husbands eyes. They are a beautiful hazel. They are him. I want our baby girls to have his eyes. What was I going to say to the dr? NO, He can't do the eye drops, give him something else that may not work? I stood by my original answer but when I got home, the tears wouldn't stop. It's just a color but I care. When husband was laying down reading, I decided to tell him how I felt and he said he would call the dr and get something else but no, I won't let him. I can't believe how much this is affecting me though. I feel silly and somewhat selfish. My husband has to continue meds during the rest of his life for a serious eye problem and all I'm doing is crying the medicine is going to turn his eyes brown.

That's been my day.

A crazy dream and 36 weeks!

The other night, I had a dream. I was in a panic but it's kind of funny.

It's a little vague but here's what happened..

~~~~I was pregnant with twins (shock!) and was ready to give birth. My hubby and my RE were talking together but I didn't know what about. I went into labor and my RE came up to me and said "Since everything worked out so well the first time, as soon as these babies are born, we're going to put two more embryos in". I ran around in my dream begging everyone not to let that happen.

It was a weird dream, being that I didn't have any embryos left and how in the world or why in the world would anyone do two twin back to back pregnancies without a break? :) Maybe some would...I'm not one of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was a very hot muggy day, so that resulted in me not feeling very well. I've been crampy and have been going back and forth from the living room to the bedroom, taking naps and just laying down. If feels like the end is coming. I'm prepared to wait out the 9 days (which was my first scheduled day) and if I have to, the remaining 5 days until my new scheduled day but I must say, I don't see myself making it much longer. I'm offically 36 weeks pregnant and Monday starts week 37 and I'd really like to accomplish that. After that.....I'M DONE :)>

A charmed life?

~~I've been complaining alot. No, no it's true :).

~~I don't have a lot money, I don't live in my own house and what I do live in is located upstairs from my in laws. However, I did lay in bed until 10 because I just didn't have the energy to get up. After getting up, I ate a bowl (a big bowl) of Lucky Charms and watched tv and thought about blogging. Bills are paid for the month, we still have money in the bank and my hubby will be home from work at 11 and we'll probably spend the day goofing off. Life really isn't as bad as my emotions make it out to be. I am very thankful for all that I have.

~~When I was working, I didn't think much about anything because work kept me so busy. Sure I'd get annoyed with things but over all I was happy. I think stopping working had an effect on me. I love what I do. I can't imagine doing anything else. Everytime I make up my mind to quit, I change it. It's not just a double income that I'll miss. The job is so rewarding.
When they start in September, most are two, some just turned and some are turning before October is over. They are in that phase were they need you so much. Where you are their provider until their mommies and daddies come back. They trust you, love you and need you. You get to show them all kinds of neat things. We paint with our feet, we play with glue..Oh is that how it works?. We make pizza's with playdoh and then cut it up. We have great music and you watch them learn that their little bodies are capable of dancing to this great music and the glee when they get more coordination to really groove. Then comes the time, usually about January, when they start realizing that they can use the potty in the bathroom, they can stay in the lines when coloring, they can put their own toys away and help each other. They don't want you hovering over them anymore but if you take to many steps away, you're called back pretty quick. April comes, most are potty trained. They want to get their own stuff from the fridge, their vocabulary is outstanding and love imitating you. They sit in "circle time" and "read' to each other. They hug each other, understand each other and just enjoy the day. Summer comes and they have all turned 3 or are about to and it's time to talk about when the summer is over. New teachers, new room, new friends. They are completely different than when they started a year ago. Have grown and learned so much. They are ready to leave you. It makes me sad but I know that the bond we created that year, will never break and year after year I see it. When I get passed in the hallway my old toddlers will leave the line, risking getting in trouble to come hug me. My age group is the best. I've worked with younger and older. It's not the same. Toddlers are the perfect age group. The hugs, cheek kisses and laughs are the best.

~~The best part of leaving my job though, is that I get to experience all of that and more with my girls. I still get to do all of that but with a much bigger reward. Trips to the zoo, playing in the park, making sidewalk drawings outside our door and playing in the pool. I think because of my last 10 years of shaping little minds, I'm ready for my own accomplishment. Getting to see the benefits from my own work instead of a parent coming up to me saying "You are just great. Yesterday, he wanted to speak to me so he said "excuse me". I loved it. Thank you Miss Tina." I get to actually see it in my girls. A friend called me the other day and said "Tina, you know about this stuff. What am I supposed to be doing with them now that they are older?" I just took myself to that place and gave her an hours worth of ideas. It got me so excited for my girls.
If I go back to work, someone else will be doing these things with my girls while I do these things with someone else's kids.

~~So It's back to quiting my job. A job that I have love and passion for. I still continue to go back once a week to make sure my kids know that I didn't abandon them, I just left to wait for my babies that are "coming in packages" as they say and that I'm still here. They know I can't do things like tie shoes, or hold them so they hug my leg. God Bless those little ones.

oops I just realized I was on a soapbox but those are the thoughts going through my head this morning. So, A charmed life? Yes I think so. I'm married to my best friend, someone I want to be with every second of everyday, someone I tell everything to. I'm doubly blessed with two beautiful girls that could arrive at anytime and I've had the pleasure of working somewhere that gave me enjoyment, love and more happiness than I've known.

~~michelle, if you have a blog, can you post the address in a comment so I can visit yours?~~
Same goes for everyone. If you don't see your blog in my 'reads' column please leave it for me, I read blogs everyday.

35 weeks and 4 days...

WE had a check up yesterday and today. On Tuesday, I noticed that I didn't feel the same and that a baby felt to be really really low. Later that night, I started having pains in the right side of my belly and it was increasingly difficult to breath. I called the on call dr and as I was explaining the pain I said "It's almost like a baby dropped really low". After saying that, she agreed that that might be what the pain is. Yesterday, we found out that not only had baby A dropped, she really dropped. Her heartbeat is at the very bottom of my belly. She is so low that they said if I don't have them before I next growth scan, they may not be able to measure her correctly. Baby B is stil in the same spot. I think she is more comfy than A is. Today, the dr did the GBS (group b strep test). I didn't like it very much. Although I'm not one for having a q tip enter both my *private holes* (so sorry). It was quick though. She said that she thought I would deliver next week so better to have the test done today. Next week?! Everything seems to be going great. I also found that I actually do have contractions, just didn't know what they were. I was telling her about this hardening of my belly and I can't breath but that there is no "wave" or "rolling" sensation. She corrected me and told me that if my belly gets really hard, it's a contraction. I'm supposed to time them from now on. That's my update for this week.

In other news....I've always been the one that had the witty comment as soon as the person the comment was meant for had already left the room. I find that although I can think something, I am unable to get it out. So I sit there and say it to myself. I realize that it's the same with my blog. I sit down, sign on and write the header. So many things to say, to write. It's just that it doesn't come out. I can never get any emotions or feelings out, so they stay inside. Today I decided that I am going to try really hard to get some of those feelings out.

This morning I woke up in such a panic. The panic had to do with my in-laws. I won't go into all the irrational thoughts I had but I wonder, when the time comes, will I react in the way I always do, or will I say what's on my mind? I've waited for so long to be a mommy and it seems that she is doing all SHE can to BE the mommy. It hit me this morning that when I went out and bought the crib bedding, she said "Oh I was going to buy that." My husband mentioned that when we go out and buy clothing and show her, the next day she goes out and buys clothing and with this whole cradle problem we had, I realized this morning that she bought the bedding (although I knew already) it seems she bought the cradle to buy the bedding that she didn't get to buy for the crib. She even wants to buy sippy cups. Sippy cups! They haven't even had a bottle yet. I made myself sick this morning with worry. It doesn't help that I overheard her tell my neighbor that she wants to take care of them by herself. Why? I'm not even going back to work? So now I'm debating on what I should do. Keep the peace by keeping my mouth shut or break it and say what's on my mind. My therapist says I should say it. The thing is though, if it's just me, I don't and won't stand up for myself. I think when it comes to my babies and my "territory" I won't even think about it, I'll just do it.

I'm exhausted and hot so I think I'm going to take a nap. Enjoy the day!

Just wanted to share something....

I watched this video and got all teary eyed. It was very sweet...click here...

In other news, I've had somewhat of a rough day but I had a therapy appointment and was able to talk it out. I know lots of people don't want to hear this, but seeing a therapist every 2 weeks just to sit and talk to someone, really really helps. It helps ease my anxiety and eliminates my panic episodes. I'm a much happier person and have moved on from a lot of upsetting things in my life. Enough of that...sorry.

Hope you enjoyed the video lol.

35 weeks!!! And I turn 29 tomorrow!

Not a "pretty" picture but definatly a real one. :). My husband took the photo and when I looked at it, my comment was "That's how big I am?" Wow.

Today I am 35 weeks. Tomorrow starts the 36 weeks and I know how lucky I am to be this far with twins. I know so many that went into pre term labor and delivered early so I sometimes feel quilty about complaining that the dr thinks I'll make it to 38 weeks. Trust me, I want them to make it as long as possible but I think I'm scared of going into labor. I want to experience labor, I really really do, but waiting for it and then wondering if I will panic when it happens, when will it happen? Will I be alone? Will I get to the hospital okay? Will it hurt a lot? Will the babies be okay? Just scary.

Tomorrow is my 29th birthday. I know every girl has a life plan that she has figured out in early life and waits to accomplish it all. My life plan was as follows:

• Leave for MWSC at 18
• Graduate at 22 w/ teaching degree, specializing in Early childhood/special education
• Marry at 24
• First child at 26
• Second child at 28
• To be living in our own home

Lets see, I did do the first one, not the second, did the third but didn't see the big IF coming my way. I knew it would be hard but didn't know it would be 3 x IVF hard. So now at 29, I will have my two children and still waiting for the last one. Who says it doesn't work out?

The Good, the bad, the ugly...

Should I start with the ugly and end with the good? It seems like the way to go. That way we end on a good note.

The Ugly: My hormones. Yesterday, we took our car to the dealership to have some work done and the oil change. While we were waiting my husband suggested we walk to McDonalds and get some breakfast. I order the #3 with sausage instead of bacon. The order taker looks at me and says "Why don't you just order the sausage, egg and cheese buiscut." Immediatly pissed I replied "If there was one, I would of ordered it." She continued by pointing the the #4, an egg and sausage buiscut. Not exactly what I want. Angrily I replied "Whatevers easier for you sweetie." I didn't mean to get so snotty but she really upset me.

The Bad: My Mother In Law. A few days ago, my husband told me that she thinks the reason we aren't sharing the babies names is because I'm lying about them being both being girls. Huh? Today so continues with making a "joke" that she has made before. It upset me before, it really upset me today. She says "Tina, I have an idea. You leave the girls with me while you go to Missouri". Hormones don't help. I say "My family deserves to see the babies too." She doesn't get it or just doesn't care and says "Bring a picture." I walk out of the room, unable to be around her anymore and say "I'll leave you a picture." Her final words...."That's not very nice." What? This caused a huge fight with my husband for over half an hour because I was being "snappy" with him.

Okay the best part :)

The Good: My beautiful baby GIRLS. Today we had a lot of appointments. We had a growth scan, a Biophysical Profile and an OB appointment.

• Baby A weighs 4lbs and 12oz. A perfect weight for how far along we are. Shes healthy, breathing, moving and getting enough nutrients from the umbilical cord.
• Baby B weights 4lbs 9oz. A perfect weight for how far along we are. She's healthy, breathing, moving and getting enough nutrients from the umbilical cord.

It was great to see how big they are and I was relieved to know they are gaining weight on target.

The OB appointment was a bit scary. I was nervous about the pitting edema this week. One night my urine was orange and I've been getting headaches off and on a lot lately. I've been having stomach pain and have been feeling over all pretty bad. But when I checked my blood pressure at home, it was always ok. Today the nurse takes my blood pressure 3 times says "wow that is really high" and walks away. I stop her and ask her what it was. It is usually 102/70 or thereabouts. She says it is 142/88. She then leaves. I start to panic because all I can think of is toxemia (pre e). I know about it. It worries me. The dr comes in, reads my chart and you can tell he is really looking at it. Turns around and reaches for the blood pressure cuff. I tell him that my husband and I were fighting this morning and I think that is why it's high. He checks it, shakes his head and says "Your blood pressure is fine. It's 102/79. " So relieved.

He scheduled my C-section for July 14th!!

He says that I may not make it until then and that I might go into labor before that. I'm hoping I make it to July 9th. Anything after that is fine with me.

Then we took our first trip to Hooters. Interesting. Our waitress was pregnant. Food was pretty good though.

Just a pic...

A little blurry but this is a proof of one of our maternity photos :). I love it!

The ugly side lol

My feet are huge and my belly has strechies on it lol. My feet and fingers itch so bad!!!

Anyway I decided that I am going to get my maternity photos tomorrow. Why not, right? I'm not gaureenteed 3 weeks, just hope that I have it.

Ramblings of someone supposed to be asleep..

It's almost midnight. Midnight I turn 34 weeks!!!!! My OB said I won't make it past 37 weeks, my Peri says 36 will be good. I'm going to shoot for July 9th, 3.5 weeks away. 24 Days. As I lay in bed and think about this, I start freaking out. In 2 or 3 weeks, I'm going to have something I've been dreaming about for almost 5 years. And, I'm not having one, I'm having two and that is something I never dreamed about but feel so incredibly lucky to have it.

This week has been kind of rough. I still haven't recieved any benefits for maternity. We're okay but I need to have something coming in to feel comfortable. After fighting with Aflac all week, they are finally sending me my first check. My boss still hasn't filled out the state STD so I haven't gotten that either.

Tonight we went to see the new Hulk movie. Not my style but it wasn't bad. As I was parking the car the check light came on. I called and made an appointment on tuesday for my car. Now, I'm getting ready for babies, I'm not bringing in any money and now my car (which I just paid off last oct) is going into the shop for the THIRD time since paying it off. What is upsetting me the most is Monday we have an appointment to have Maternity photos done. The car guy said we could still drive the car, but the place is about half an hour away from our house and even farther away from the dealership (closer to the hospital though) and if something happens to the car, it's going to be a pain. I really wanted to get them done. My dh had an eye appointment but it looks like we'll be at the dealership instead. It's bad timing but it could be worse.

Well I think I'm going to turn in for the night.

Not much to update..

Here is a week 33 photo. The girls passed another BPP and today had their first non stress test, which they also passed. No contractions either. I have 4 weeks left and it seems like it's right there but it feels far off. I kind of want them out but I want them to stay in more. The heat has been unbearable and I've been laying about doing nothing for the last several days.

I made an appointment to have maternity photos made. I didn't think I would do them but I'm going to be 34 weeks and everything seems to be going well so I thought I'd just go. I'm actually kind of excited to get them. I started this blog thinking I had something to write about, but as it seems, I don't. Hope everyone is well :).

33rd week..

During my 33rd week we've done...

• Had a great Biophysical Profile
• A good appointment with the OB (he said we'll discuss delivery in two weeks)
• A negitive FFN! Yay. Went to Labor and Delivery again on Thursday because I was having a lot of vaginal pain and couldn't urinate. Babies laying on the wrong part was the Dx
• We pre-registered and offically named our babies!! We weren't going to but we ended up writing the names on the the birth certificate form.
• We chose a temporary peditrician because the one I chose (and will still go to) doesn't service the hospital I am going to and I chose that hospital because it's the one most equipped to care for our newborn twins. At least the closest one. It's about 45 minutes away.
• I had my first contraction today. Only 1 in an hour so I'm sure I'm okay. I'm allowed 6 and the FFN was negitive so I'm relieved and not to worried about it.

Well that's my 33rd week in a nutshell. So excited to start week 34. We have about 31 days to do until my dr's goal of July 9th (I'll be in the middle of my 38th week). Not sure if I'll have a belly pic today or not. Maybe tomorrow :). Hope everyone is feeling well and good. Have a great week!

Great day!

Above is baby A. Our sweet baby girl wouldn't look at the camera so this is a fuzzy profile. I love this picture because it looks like she is kissing her sister. You can use her nose as a marker to figure out the rest of the picture. It's not as clear as I would like it to be.

Above is baby B. Here you see her whole face. Everyone says she looks like me. I will ask my mother and she what she says. I see it. I had chubby cheeks and lips when I was a baby.

Both girls scored an 8 during their Biophysical Profiles. 8 is the max. My girls are considered healthy. I'm so happy!! They were allowed an hour to fit all of their test in and we passed in 10 minutes. I have to brag on my little ones..it's my right :).

**Just a quick note...The lack of smile in post below was an accident. It happened to be the best belly shot but worst face shot. I wanted a good belly shot** :)

A letter..

Dear (Boss),

In 2001, I was arrived to New Jersey. I was broke and missing my friends and family. Joining your crew changed all of that. I found a job that I love to come to everyday and friends that have been like family to me. I've gone through so many changes while I've been employed here. I started out as a part time assistant in the afternoon but you knew I wanted so much more. You knew I wanted to be a head teacher and to have my own classroom. It took four years, but you gave me what I wanted. For the last three years, I've walked into my classroom to hugs and smiling faces and that is something you don't get everywhere. I want you to know that I'm thankful for everything you've done for me, it has meant a lot. However, I am regrettfully resigning my position at Harmony. It has been a very hard decision to make and I'm not entirely sure this is what I want but it makes the most sense right now.

Sincerly, (me)

Okay so it's not the best but it's what I'm working on. When I think of not going to work, it's like I have a huge chunk of my world missing. Maybe it's because my babies are still not here, in the flesh and when they are, nothing will be missing. I will miss my job so much but on the other hand, I think I'll enjoy spending countless hours at the park, taking walks, and just hanging out with my girls. Think of the bond we will have.

32 weeks...

Offically 32 weeks..

tomorrow :). 32 weeks was a goal I set for us a few weeks ago. Now my new goal is 34. It is getting harder though. The weight feels tremendous. Okay enough whining.

Today I packed our hospital bag!! Here's what it includes:

• Pajamas
• socks
• slippers
• undies
• bras
• bottled water
• snacks
• the girls coming home outfits
• girls socks, mittens and hats
• my coming home outfit ie gauchos and top
• pillows, boppy
• toiletries
• Camera, video and digital
• list of names to call

I think that is all. I hope that is all :). Leave any suggestions in a comment, I'll appreciate it. Packing almost brought me to tears but it was great! I can't wait.

U/S today!!

Let me tell you about my u/s. It was amazing to see my little girls again. How I missed it and it's only been 3 weeks. We go in and I undress and lay on the table. She checks my cervix, not over 4 cm anymore, but it was like 3.7 cm so that is still good. No changes with pressure so all is good. This was my last cervical scan...yikes!

She checks baby A first. A is head down, still, and we got to see her hands, her elbows and her legs. So cute. She measured her belly, I loved it. It was hard to see her profile because she's in my cervix. She weighs 3 pounds 8 ounces and is in the 36th percentile. (as a singleton)

She checks baby B. B has her head around my belly button area. We saw her chest going in and out, she was breathing!! It was amazing to see. We saw so much of her face. She's just beautiful :). She also measures 3 pounds 8 ounces. Again, 36th percentile. (as a singleton)

Although I don't have a cervical scan anymore, I am now going for something called a Biophysical Profile. It sounds really neat. I will have one a week for 3 weeks and then have another growth scan. I get to see my girls every wednesday!! I'm so happy :).

That was my day. We stopped at Target, did some shopping and then left because my feet started swelling again. Today stayed pretty cool so swelling wasn't as much of a problem as it has been.

A morning for me :)

First, thank you to all who supported my worries yesterday. I still don't know what to do about the whole thing but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

This morning I treated my huge ogre feet and swollen hands to a mani/pedi :). It was nice. I chose a nice blue color! A little wierd for me but I love it. I hadn't been to the place in awhile, well since I was about 10 weeks or so and the guy that used to do my nails saw me and smiled and said "Hows it going?" It was nice to see him because he lived in Missouri for awhile and went to school there (in the town my dad lives in) so we would talk about my home state while he did my nails. He's a younger boy..probably 23. It was nice to be remembered :).

My hubby works until 2 today so I've basically just kicked back and enjoyed the beautiful weather. We are having a cook out later. Maybe even set up the patio equitment. Although, I've set it up twice only to have to put it back because of the rain. I will probably clean out the car too.

On a funny note, my shirts no longer go over my belly. With less than 6 weeks to go, I probably won't be buying anymore. People will just have to look at my belly :).

On a sad note, my uncle Jr. who has always been my favorite uncle, was dx with a large brain tumor. This scares me so much. I can't imagine him ill. We are praying that the tumor is benign.

I wish everyone a Happy Memorial Day. May we remember all those loved and lost, and served for a better for life for all of us.

Worries..

So things are beginning to worry me some. Things that are out of my hands and I can really do nothing about because people will do as they wish. There will be no respect to me or my wishes because they are viewed as selfish, when really, I'm just trying to help and let people know how it will be.

My wishes for delivery are simple. Nobody come until called or wait until the 6 pm visiting hours. I figure that babies, if they come as scheduled, will arrive around 10 am, maybe earlier, but we'll say 10.

• 10:45 c-section complete, I may/may not get to see the babies.
• 11:00 hubby leaves for nursery/nicu with babies for their baths, checkups etc..
• 12:30-1:00 I get out of recovery to my own room. Still haven't seen/held/touched my babies.
• 1:00 visiting hours start. People come in expecting to hold/see babies and I still haven't had any bonding time.
• 4:00 everyone has to leave. Visiting hours over..finally get time with my babies.

So if they day happens like this, I won't be bonding with my babies until everyone else does.

The problem is, is that people want to show up and wait until they are born and sit in the waiting room. How am I supposed to enjoy this expierence knowing there are people waiting to get in? Am I going to be able to relax and try breastfeeding the little ones knowing that the clock is ticking to get the visitors in and out? I'm stressed even thinking about it. The next visiting hours are from 6-8. I figure more people will show up after work. The whole thing stresses me out and we can hope for perfect timing, that by 1, we've bonded as a family, both babies are fine and we are ready to except visitors at 1, but I can't promise. But since no one wants to do it my way, I guess my only option is to not care what they are doing and if they chose not do follow my wishes or adhere to my concerns, then they can sit there. I know nurses don't let visitors in until the mother is ready. So that's the way it's going to happen. Still it stresses me.

Almost 31 weeks..

48 freakin' days to go. Wow! It doesn't seem like a long time. In fact, it's right there. BUT, I'm starting to feel miserable. Yesterday I went shopping for the babies. We went to babies r us to return some items and then we bought some things we needed. The items we returned added up to $156.00. We bought bottles (the drop in kind), extra nipples, pacis, sleepsacks, hangers and a very cute diaper bag and then we stopped because at home we still have cash that someone gave us for the babies and gift cards so when our registry closes and we get a coupon we will have $220 to finish getting what we need. So anyway, I went to babies r us, toys r us (just to look), IHOP (to eat), FedEx, AT&T, and then to Walmart. I was so miserable at walmart I couldn't remember what I went there for. We ended up forgetting everything. Once I got home the misery started. I couldn't get comfy, couldn't relax, was so freaking exhausted I couldn't stand it. And at some point I thought, Can't I give birth now? It's amazing what a good night's rest can do because I'm not ready to have these babies yet :). I'm not feeling to good this morning either. I'm sick to my stomach and I think i'm going back to bed. On the bright side, I'm waiting for my BRU coupon to come. Yesterday, I called headquarters, lol, and I explained to her that although my original due date is July 27th, the dr said they won't make it past July 9th, if that far. I said that since we are having twins, I'd like to get as much stuff as possible and was it possible for my to close the registry and get my coupon earlier. She was very nice and changed my due date to June5th which would mean the coupon would get here around the 3rd of june so I could quickly get the last remaining purchases and be ready for baby. We started chatting and I said that the 10% would help, expecially since we are having two and she "Does your registry say you are having two?" I said yes and she said I should recieve a coupon of 10% for each baby and if it didn't come, then call to get the second one. Cool! We about $250.00 worth of stuff to purchase still and that doesn't count the breastpump. So excited!

Vents...

Thank you T-Girl for the Kind Blogger Award. I've never recieved one before. Thank you again. Congrats on your baby girl and I'm glad you are recovering nicely.

There are a few things on my mind today. One being the fact that when I give birth, I will have no family downstairs waiting for the announcement. My mom has decided that she doesn't want to come and wants to wait until we come down there. My sister has said that she and her fiance' want to go on vacation and stop by to see us, but that would require me having the babies on an exact date. So she won't be there. My dad never leaves the house, much less the state and my brothers? Well one is so self involved with his 10 year younger girlfriend to make an effort and the other, he joined the national guard and will be leaving shortly before they are due. That leaves my grandparents, uncles and aunts and my baby sister (11) who are either too old or too young to travel.

Second, why do I have to drag my two infants home so they can visit when it would be easier and healthier for them to come her and visit? They don't have to come the same week, but they could spread it out, come in car pools and share the cost. I wouldn't mine traveling the 1100 miles back home, if the dr approves, and staying put while everyone drives from their respective homes to see me, but that doesn't happen either. I have to travel to see everyone. I have to drive the half hour to my mom's house and then the hour to my dads. I have to drive the 40 minutes to see my other grandma (which I don't mind because she 81) but everyone else knows where I stay. I always stay in the same place. Why can't they come visit me? I'm thinking of making this known before I come home. "Because I've driven 1100 miles, I have two newborns, and am tired and gas cost a lot, please come visit me anytime at grandma's house". I think it's only fair.

Third, I never complain about my husband here because I never have reason to but last night he just, ohhh, he made me mad. Since I got pregnant and have only been able to sleep on my sides, my back and shoulders started hurting. They hurt all the time. Kind of like a knife in my back. My arms feels like they are spasming and my hands are swollen and numb most of the time. Last night, the pain was to much. I started crying. His reaction was I was overreacting. Which made me cry more, but he still didn't seem to care. Finally he said he was going to bed. I had already tried but the pain kept creeping in my mind and it's getting to much to ignore. I said I was going to sleep on the couch, in a sitting position and he acted like I'd killed someone, couldn't be in the same room with me, so he walked out. A little bit later, I went to bed because hey, maybe he's right. When I layed down, I started crying again because it hurt a lot. He rolled over and apologized and rubbed my back for a little while until I relaxed enough to sleep. Does it still hurt? Yes and the tips of my fingers are still numb. Am I still mad at his treatment of me? Yes, even though he apologized.

Fourth would be the dr's. I have asked my primary doctor, my old ob and my new ob and nobody seems to care that I am in a lot of pain. The primary said it might be nerve damage caused by my swelling but until I give birth there is no test and no treatment to help me. I could see a chriopractor but that wouldn't help either because he couldn't run any test either. The old OB told me there was nothing to do, it would pass. The new OB said it was probably carpal tunnel induced by the pregnancy and it would go away after I give birth. The pain and numbness increased daily and I'm afraid any damage is going to be permenant by the time I give birth and no one wants to help me.

Fifth, the damn fridge is still broken. They still haven't shipped the part and it still isn't here. Now dammit, I haven't had milk in days. I need milk. Now is not the time to start depriving myself of healthy foods and since everything has to be refridgerated, buying some while the fridge is broken, isn't smart. I did buy a milk chug yesterday and got orange juice from mcdonalds but I don't think it's enough. I asked my hubby to please bring home a single serving of milk, I just have to wait until 3 to get it.

Okay enough whinning. This is the longest post I've had in awhile :). Even though I sound miserable I am still blessed to be wonderfully pregnant and I love the feeling to them moving and kicking and growing in my belly. It's an expeirence that is all mine and something just the three of us share. I love it.

Last, I would like to pass the Kind Blogger Award on to some of my faithful readers :). Thank you for your support and kind words through your comments. They mean a lot.

• Ariella, congrats on your pregnancy. I am so happy for you.
• Patty, you always leave a comment. I love it and I enjoy reading your blog.
• Kristen, I hope this summer, your dreams become a reality. You deserve it!
• Jody, I love reading your blogs. It gives me so much insight on what to expect!

Thank you so much ladies for all your support!

30 weeks baby!!!!

I'm 30 weeks! According to the dr's I have about 7 weeks to go! I am so relieved to of made it to this point. I want to make it to 37 weeks, but I'm okay now. There isn't much going on. I still have cramping, sometimes bad but it goes away and still no contractions Yay!. This is my second week of maternity leave and I'm getting used to it. It took awhile to get work out of my system lol. I do light housework but mainly just piddle with baby stuff. The fridge is still broken so I have to go out everyday for breakfast. It's kind of annoying. Speaking of which I should get dressed. We are starving.

Not a good day....

So this morning, the fridge breaks, milk is spoiled I eat some toast, fight with dh and I don't say bye to him when he leaves for work.

10:00 call dr office tell them I'm still cramping and unsure what it is. They tell me to come in. I leave for appointment, dh wants to come. Realize halfway there I forgot my insurance card. Get there they can't find heartbeats. Did an FFN, sent me and FFN to hospital.

12:00 At hospital. Hooked up to monitors. The run FFN test. Babies hearts beating beautifully. No contractions. Still cramping. Urine showed some traces of blood. Possible UTI. Running urine to lab. 1:00 told dr was in surgery but would be in in about an hour. 3:00 getting ansy..still no dr. No contractions but still hurting/cramping. Very uncomfortable being on my back for so long. Starving because I still only had toast and getting quiet cranky. 3:30, lost heartbeats. Found again, but can't get a lock on them. Assumed they were fine. 4:00 yelled at nurse about dr still not being there. Still hungry, still cramping, backside getting numb from being stuck on it. Very cranky. Dr comes in around 5ish. Does an internal says he feels something like a head trying to push her way through. Baby A is stretching cervix but being the cervix is closed and long, FFN is negitive and I'm not having contractions all is fine and I can go home.

Home, Killer headache and ready for bed. Tomorrow I am scheduled for a prenatal massage! I can't wait :)

It's been a busy day...

Day 2 of maternity leave :).

I started the day by making breakfast for hubby and I. I did my nebulizer treatment (which is what the dr said I needed for my coughing) and then watched some tv. Then I got that cleaning bug. I wanted to get as much done as I could today, so I unmade the crib, added the mattress protectors, remade the crib and started washing baby clothing. I did 3 loads of baby clothes and hung/folded them and put them away. We put both papasan chairs together and I went through more of the baby stuff we got. My hubby went through all his books and junk and we are getting there. Then we out, ate, did some shopping, came home and finished what we had started this morning. It's been a long day.

The babies are reacting to the nebulizer. About 20 minutes after I use it, I get the nervousness. I start shaking a bit but the babies are too funny. They start jumping and turning and rolling around. They kicked repeatedly and I loved it. I know albuterol is a stimulant/steroid but the dr said it was okay. I have to do the treatments every 6 hours, it's seems a bit much but I only do it twice a day. I still have fears of using meds like that.

My next appointment is next wednesday and all it is is a heartbeat/weight/vital check. My next growth scan is for 2 weeks from tomorrow. It still seems so far off.

Today I have also been a little upset. My friend who threw the shower for me told me that my MIL had arrived early to the shower. As she sat there, she started telling them that I was a cold person and no matter how much she tried to be nice, I wasn't nice back, then started on how wonderful my hubby is. Why would you go to someones shower and talk bad about the person the shower was for? It doesn't make sense. So I thought it didn't matter. I know she doesn't like me and she isn't nice to me. She is actually somewhat of bitch. She told me that she wanted her son to marry his ex and she admitted to me that she doesn't like me but denied it when I told my hubby. I am always nice to her but lately (since I've found out) she's been getting a very COLD shoulder from me. She will continue to until I've decided to confront her, or let it roll. I really don't care anymore. But the way I see it, Since I'm always cold, there shouldn't really be any difference in my behavior. Correct? If she notices my cold behavior, then I guess I'm not as cold as she says I am. We'll see.

First day of maternity....

I'm starting the day off waiting for my Dr's office to open so I can go in. My asthma has decided it needs to act up now. Doesn't it know I need oxygen for 3 and I'm not getting enough for one? I have a nebulizer but I need meds for it. I don't understand, it's not cold outside, I mean it's chilly but not enough to upset my asthma. So that's how I'm spending my first day of maternity leave.

I woke up at 830 this morning and started laundry. I think I'm going to start writing thank yous and clean up a bit.

Had my baby shower!

Okay. So. Two months ago I was invited to a "Cinco de Mayo" party. It was to be delayed a week, so it would be on May 10th. I get ready yesterday and drive, with my hubby, to my friends house. We were told the party starts at 3, but I always arrive early when they throw a party. My darn hubby wouldn't get out of the car. It was only 2:55. When I dragged him out of the car and walked in, all my friends were there. They shouted "Surprise!" It was a great day!!

We recieved lots of stuff. The older ladies at work knitted me baby blankets and pillows, I got blankets, tummy mats, play gyms, high chairs, bathtub, money, gift cards, and lots and lots of clothes. I got so much more but its all the basic teething rings/toys/bottles. It was a great time!

My dear husband has known about this for 4 month. He did a great job hiding it :)

Hi all...

First, if you read this blog and you don't see your name over in "blogs I read" section, can you drop a comment so I can link to yours and read yours as well. I've been trying to get my list back, not sure what happen to it..okay.

Okay so tomorrow is 29 weeks. Yesterday was last day of work. This morning I started more chores of laundry, dusting and tossing things I don't need. I'm slow at getting them done though because I've come down with some nasty cough that has made my stomach and back sore. It's just a dry hacking cough..probably allergies..but nothing helps. I have asthma so that doesn't help much. Anyway, I noticed in all my cleaning, that there is dust on the back rail of the crib. Dust already? I didn't think about the house behind ours is tearing down and rebuilding their deck and I've been leaving the windows open because of the nice weather so now I need to rewash and clean the crib.

My feelings about work are becoming mixed. When my boss asked me if I was coming back, I said probably. Probably! What?! I don't know why I would be going back but for some reason I need to have the option open. I need to know there is somewhere for me to go. I don't know why but I do. Nobody thinks I'm coming back, nobody. I don't get it. I guess we'll see.