I'm happy and I'm heartbroken..

Today I'm 10 weeks. I will be celebrating the new year 10weeks and 1 day pregnant. Wow. I finally went to a baby store last night and I found all kinds of exciting things. Cribs, bassinets, high chairs, swings lots of stuff. The cutest little outfits and my hubby and I decided that is going to be our weakness. We have been avoiding all stuff "baby" and we are still afraid of jinxing ourselves but we didn't buy anything. There is no harm in looking. In 2 weeks and 2 days, I'll have my NT scan and if all is as it should, we will be telling the world. I can't wait!!!

On a sadder note, my cousin Billy died last night. My mom called when we were out to dinner and told me. It was sad, but it made me numb. I didn't know how to react. At first, I don't think I believed it. But as the night progressed, it became very clear that we lost one of our cousins.

I was the first grandchild born to Clyde and Mary. Then came Luke, Marlin, Timothy, Eric, Samuel, Billy, John, Robert, Kayla, Nicky, Christian, Hannah and Joshua.

We grew up together. Spent every Christmas together. Stayed for days wearing my Grandparents out. We all lived not a mile from each other. Now one of us is gone. How do you wrap yourself around that? As these thoughts churned in my head, my tears started. All I could think was "His poor mother. What she must be going through." All parents love their children but she really loved Billy. Not in a wierd way, just as a "he's my life". Both of her children are.

I used to babysit Billy and last night all I could hear him say was "Tina, don't you think the Dodge Ram is the best truck. It is right? When I get bigger I'm going to get one of them" He did. I'm not sure if he ever bought his Dodge Ram before his love of motorcycles came into the picture. He died in a motorcycle crash.....

George William "Billy" Cowen, 22 years old, you will be missed.

Well...

Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks. I've finished two months. I'm two months pregnant. Wow. I am so ever greatful for those 2 months. I loved the last two months. Full of wonderful things. Finally making it to ER, having two blast (well one and almost one) at ET, getting a postive pregnancy test at home and having it confirmed by the dr. Telling my husband. Telling my mom. Seeing two sacs. Hearing two heartbeats. Seeing tears in my husbands eyes after watching the hearts beat. Him telling me that, although he's scared, it's going to be okay. Listening to my mom cry when I tell her it's twins. And finally finishing week 8.

I can't wait to share with the world. Last night at the work party, I wanted to take the mic and yell "I'm having twins". Instead I absent mindedly mentioned it to someone I never talk to and not sure I can trust. When she asked when I had given birth, I dumbly responded I hadn't yet. She started saying congrats and I told her to shhhh. She's a baby so hopefully she'll understand and mums the word.

5 Weeks!!!!

I'm 5 weeks today!! 1 month and 1 week. I feels great! In honor of week 5, I went out and bought a digital (they're expensive!) and took it. It said Pregnant! Not that I didn't think it would, but in the past (back when I thought it would be easy), I would run to the store, buy the digital and run to the bathroom to take it. Little did I know that these test are the worst to buy because they aren't as sensitive. So every dame time this thing would say "Not Pregnant" and it would be a knife to the heart. I vowed that when I did get pregnant, the first thing I would do is take a digital and have my revenge. It was sweet. I felt like I was finding out for the first time. My hubby didn't understand. He said (in his usually sarcastic way): " So, you take 2 test that come up postive, the RE himself calls you to tell you that the beta was postive and then the nurse calls to say congrats and schedules you and ultrasound and you don't believe it. But, you go and take a digital and now you believe it?" Oh he doesn't understand :)

I've gained 5.8 pounds. This isn't good. I didn't want to gain any in the first month, as you don't have too. I've too sensitive about gaining weight right now. I still have 8 months to go and I've already gained 5 of 25 I should gain. Maybe it's water weight because I haven't changed my style of eating. If anything, I've eaten less. My meals are healthy (well except last night..I had shepards pie..it was goood). but I had brocolli with it.

Those are my ramblings for today. Have a great one!

The joy of tummy troubles...

I'm not sure yet what it is. I know the progesterone can give you cramps but I'm thinking it can my your tummy queesy? I started dry heaving and gagging in line at jcp today! I was so embarrassed. My friend felt bad because all she said was lets go for "cheeburger cheeburger" and get milkshakes, and that was all it took. I think it was too early to mention food. It was 730 am, but now it's funny.

So I went shopping today. I had a blast and spent lots of money. I think I shopped for everyone though!

Giving Thanks....

"Thanks be to Him for this indescrible gift." 2 Corinthians 9:15 --
I can not express how happy I am. God gave me something I already love with all my heart. It's been 47 months since starting this journey.......Thanks be to God.

I've been feeling pretty crampy, with twinges and pulling. I don't know what 'Eggbert' is doing in there but I'm sure he's getting comfy, or at least that's what I'm praying for. Our ultrasound is next Thursday and I'm kind of nervous at what we see.

My back is hurting for all the gas I have suddenly decided to have. Don't know why I'm gassy. Maybe something I ate. My ribs feel like they are being pulled apart. None of it is departing. At this point, it can leave whichever way it chooses :). TMI sorry..