17 weeks almost complete!

I got to experience the greatest feeling last night. I went to bed around 8:30 pm and as I was drifting off, I felt it! It was a kick! At first I thought it might be gas but after a few more times I called my dh in hoping he'd feel it too. When he got there, they were done but it was amazing.

I haven't been sleeping all that well. I used to sleep on my stomach but lately that hurts..yes I know.. so I've been sleeping on my sides. The problem with sleeping on my side is that my arms and hands go numb. I have something called a "shoulder impengement" It means that the shoulder blade is set in the wrong spot so when I move my arms the wrong way, it pinches the nerves under my collar bone, thus arms and hands fall asleep. It hasn't bothered me in a long time. I wen to PT when I was a teen but now It seems to be back. Even typing my left hand is falling asleep. So sleeping has become a distaster.

They babies, as I mentioned in a previous post, are doing remarkable. I am hoping it last til our c section date. Holy cow! That is in 20 weeks!! I just realized that. We have chosen our beautiful names and we aren't telling anyone but I can tell you, the are very wonderful to us.

Work is becoming a problem. At my last OB appointment, we discussed my work schedule and she said it was to much. I was supposed to cut down to 40/week but no more than 8/day and that 8 must include time to sit and relax or several breaks. I have the kids laying down from 12-230 so that's my downtime. Well, silly me, when I go out to the nurses station to pick up the note, she asked "How many hours?" I answer stupidly "40" so the nurse writes down 40/week, no more until further notice. When I had the papar to my boss, she looks at it and I say "The dr said no more the 8 hours including breaks" she says ok then tells me since I can in late today and will come in late tomorrow (mon and tues) that I can continue working my 9-10 hour days because it won't be over 40!!! Can you believe that?? So now I have to get a revised copy of the note.

I also told her my last day would be May 2nd, if everything went okay. If not, I'd be out sooner. At least she has her day, 2.5 months ahead. My responsiblity to my class has been fullfilled. It's up to her to find my replacement. I can't feel my left hand anymore so I'm going to end this here.

14 Weeks complete!

NT SCAN/QUAD RESULTS:

On January 12th, we went in for an Ultrasound called a nuchal translucency.

This is a collection of fluid under the skin at the back of a baby's neck at 10-14 weeks that can be measured using ultrasound. All babies have some fluid, but in many babies with Down's syndrome, the nuchal translucency (NT) is increased. An NT scan is a method of assessing whether your baby is likely to have Down's syndrome. It's a screening test. A screening test can only estimate the risk of your baby having Down's, as opposed to a diagnostic test, such as CVS or amniocentesis, which will give you a definite diagnosis (but also carries a small risk of miscarriage). The NT scan can't tell for certain whether your baby is affected. However, it can help you decide whether or not to have a diagnostic test.

They also did bloodwork. We haven't seen the OB yet, but the Maternal Fetal Medicine dr called to let me know: "You are at the lowest possible risk for a child with Downs" there were a few others but I'm not exactly sure what they were. We are sooo happy. We will not be doing the CVS or the Amnio because the risk isnt' worth it. Okay that's the latest bit of news for ya!

We've made it to 14 weeks and all is good. Still have a bit of morning sickness but that's okay. Tomorrow I start week 15. Wow! We are still window shopping at all the baby stores. Trying to find that perfect price for perfect stuff. We can't wait to shop!!!! Here are some cute items I will be buying soon.

It says Thing 1 It says Thing 2

I love these onsies lol. They were at buy buy baby and are 12 dollars each. I will get them :). My next two appointments are back to back this time. One is at 16w1d and the other 16w2d. One is to check my NT Scan and Quad bloodwork, the other is an hour long scan called a "cervical scan" I'm not sure what it is but they measure the baby and a few other things. So I leave you with this bit of really good news. Enjoy your day!

Saw my babies again!

Today was my first OB appointment. It was amazing. We talked about how much weight I should gain, she said if I wanted to continue dieting I could as long as it was enough for the babies and we saw them. Baby A (the baby is the square) is measuring 8w3d. Just perfect. With a heartbeat of 166 bpm. Baby A is laying across my uterus enjoying the time. Baby B (that little barely white dot) is hanging out in my left side and you are looking at his hiney. Baby B is either uncooperative or really shy :). Baby B was measuring 8w2d and had a heartbeat of 167 bpm. I love them soo much. I got to see their little hearts a beating away and it was so beautiful. She told me that I will have a lot of ultrasounds and asked me how July 4th sounded to have them. Maybe July 5th, I'd prefer. If it was one, I'd be due the 27th of July. I am still in awe and can't believe I have been blessed with two miracles!

Second U/S tomorrow...

We, of course, are hoping to see two heartbeats tomorrow. I'm more on the positive side and thinking that we will see our baby's heartbeats tomorrow. I am prepared to ask more questions like, How far along are the measuring? How big are they? and When are they due? lol I think I know that one but I'm not sure when they tell you.

I'm feeling pregnant. I have started the lovely morning sickness. I wake up with my stomach turning, it stops around noon and starts again in the evening. I force myself to eat and try to not think about what I'm eating because if I do, I won't eat it. I've lost 2 pounds already but I gained 5 doing IVF so that's ok. It's just water. I'm 6w3d today, at least by my calculations. The dr's will tell me tomorrow what I really am. I think my boobs have definately increased in size. Being a D already, I'm a little nervous about getting bigger. Veins are starting to show and they are sensitive to the touch. I'm a little sensitive and have been getting upset, either angry or weepy, quickly. My hair doesn't fall out in the shower anymore and people think I've done something with it. I think it's great! The last one..I'm exhausted. When I close my eyes, sometimes I don't think they are going to open. Even at work with lots of kiddies running around.

I think I'll close and go to bed. I have to be up at 530 am tomorrow to drive through the snow to my dr's office and it's been a rollercoaster day.

The next day...

Okay, the thought of twins has made me excited. I'm ready for two and was awake a lot last night thinking about what needs to be done to prepare...yes I know, it's early. I am also praying and worrying about next thursday. I want to see two hearbeats. I was okay with having one, but now that I'm pregnant with two, I want both to make it. I haven't told anyone in my life that I'm having twins. I feel it will jinx it. So we are hoping and praying for strong heartbeats next thursday. Pray for us

Wowo!

There are two. We are having twins. I am trying to sit on this information until we have two heartbeats. I can't believe we are having twins!! Here is a picture of my babies. I love them already!!!!

5 Weeks!!!!

I'm 5 weeks today!! 1 month and 1 week. I feels great! In honor of week 5, I went out and bought a digital (they're expensive!) and took it. It said Pregnant! Not that I didn't think it would, but in the past (back when I thought it would be easy), I would run to the store, buy the digital and run to the bathroom to take it. Little did I know that these test are the worst to buy because they aren't as sensitive. So every dame time this thing would say "Not Pregnant" and it would be a knife to the heart. I vowed that when I did get pregnant, the first thing I would do is take a digital and have my revenge. It was sweet. I felt like I was finding out for the first time. My hubby didn't understand. He said (in his usually sarcastic way): " So, you take 2 test that come up postive, the RE himself calls you to tell you that the beta was postive and then the nurse calls to say congrats and schedules you and ultrasound and you don't believe it. But, you go and take a digital and now you believe it?" Oh he doesn't understand :)

I've gained 5.8 pounds. This isn't good. I didn't want to gain any in the first month, as you don't have too. I've too sensitive about gaining weight right now. I still have 8 months to go and I've already gained 5 of 25 I should gain. Maybe it's water weight because I haven't changed my style of eating. If anything, I've eaten less. My meals are healthy (well except last night..I had shepards pie..it was goood). but I had brocolli with it.

Those are my ramblings for today. Have a great one!

Nov 18th...9dp5dt

Okay so it's been 9 days since my transfer. My life has been a rollercoaster this last week. On Wednesday I had bleeding at work. More than spotting, just red bleeding. I went home and stayed on my couch all day Thursday and it has all stopped. Due to that, I decided to test. I tested Friday morning (at 1 AM) and it was postive. It was soooo light though. So I'm not reading anything into it. On Saturday, I tested again. The line was a little darker. I wish I could enjoy this but until I see an ultrasound, I don't think I'll be able too. I feel nauseaus a lot. All we can do is pray for good news tomorrow. I'm feeling very optimistic but a little pessimistic as well. "I think, therefore, I am."

I worry too much..

I thought when my work was done, I would relax. Although I'm not stressing the whole "Am I pregnant" thing, I just feel that everytime I use the bathroom and wipe, there will be blood. I panic everytime I use the bathroom. I have cramps that feel like menstrual cramps and it's my fear of this that I'm afraid of. I know whatever will happen will happen but Im just not ready for it to be over yet.

WE'RE DONE!

IVF is officially over. I have two wonderful embryos hopefully attaching themselves and things are going to go great. We have named them Jellybean, who was a stage blast, score was a 4 B, RE said it was excellent and we have Eggbert, who is a little behind schedule but still very special to us. Eggberts score was 2 C. Scores range from 1-6, 6 being the best in size and A-D, A being the best quality or something like that. So my job is over. Now it's up to them. I have been trying to help them along. Today I ate a fifth of a pineapple core because it's to help with implantation. It was awful but I ate it. I will eat it for four more days. My tongue was sore for about an hour. I also spent a lot of time laying on my couch today hoping they get all snuggly. The other thing is the freakin shots in the ass. My butt is really really starting to hurt. I'm starting to dread doing it but it has to be done. I plan on relaxing and doing as little as possible for the weekend and doing hardly nothing at work as well. Just kidding, but I plan on taking it easy until the pregnancy test. Only nine more days!

These are not my photos but to give a little visual. This is kind of what 'Eggbert' (Right) looked like. This one was darker in the middle and a lot smaller.

"Jellybean" (left) was bigger and looked almost clear with no dark spots at all. Again, these aren't mine. I didn't get any photos but I wanted to share something.

Lots and Lots of trips...

I had to pee every freakin' hour last night. If I tried to ignore it, I would get all crampy. Good news? I lost 5 pounds of water weight in my sleep. This morning I woke up and I've lost 5 of the 6 pounds of water weight (thats what the good RE told me it was) that I've gained since starting this cycle of IVF.

I'm going to work today and I'm kind of looking foward to it. I am working tomorrow and Wednesday then I am taking the rest of the week off. This Friday is my mom's birthday, Sat is my friends then on Monday I get my blood test for the progesterone, then I'm going away the next weekend, then it will be the 19th. The Big Blood Test! Seems I will be able to keep my mind busy for the next week and a half. I know the blood test will only help, but I won't be comfortable unti after an 8 week scan.

So far, my embabies are tucked away in a lab in Paramus and should be sleeping :) I haven't gotten any word that they stopped growing and I really hope it doesn't come. We want them to all survive. I know all I need is One and I want two, but wouldn't it be nice if they all made it?

I just need to add that without God, none of this would be possible. Praise the Lord for all the good he has done so far. I know in my heart that this is possibly it for me. I will be a mommy when this is over and if it isn't there is another reason....

Today is the day!

Of course my ER would happen on the day we set our clocks back. I went to bed at 10, which was really 9 and woke up at 6 which was really 7 and 7 is when I need to be up to get ready for my day. I am leaving at 8:15 but it's even longer now because we had to set the clocks back.

My back is still uncomfortable. I didn't sleep very well and I was tossing and turning all night. It is amazing for me that I have actually gotten to this point in my life and I am so happy to be there even though I complain a lot. I haven't been that moody this weekend. Friday I was but that was stress. I'm thirsty but there is nothing I can do about it being that the rule is "no food or drink after midnight" geez i'm not a gremlin...j/k.

The thought are running through my head "Is it going to work" "Are there going to be enough eggs" "Are they going to be good enough" " Are they going to mature" "Am I going to make it to ET" ???????????

I will find out today. I will post when I get up but I'm not sure when that will be. It's 45 minutes until i get up and get ready so I guess I'll find a way to occupy myself.

just an update of sorts

This is a photo from the magazine "New Jersey Monthly". My RE (fertility doctor) is the young one on the left. He was in the "108 Award winning physcians". He is a very good doctor and has showed patience when I've yelled at him, cried at him and even questioned his motives. Even when he called me at work and told me that he had to cancel my first IVF because of lack of response, I said "IUI isn't going to work so why bother" and hung up on him, only to call him back and schedule it a few hours later. But he was very nice to me when he saw me again. He even explained that he used to much Lupron, although he used the recommended amount for a woman with PCOS and explained that he would use less the next time.

Moving on, I am so uncomfortable. I am bloated, I feel like my bladder is filled to busting and when I try to go, I don't have to go. My back is aching and I'm tired. It hurts to sit, too tired to stand, just miserable. Thank God I only have the one ovary. Could you imagine if I had two?

IVF hasn't been a pleasent expierence so i'm glad it's coming to an end. My ET is set up for either Wed or Fri but we are thinking and hoping for Fri. We'll know on Monday when it's going to be.

Sore...

I feel so sore today. I'm a bit bloated and I feel full. I know it's the ovary getting larger but it's still uncomfortable.

We went for the ER consultation and she explained the procedure.

• Took HCG shot at midnight 11/3 (usually 11, but hour change this weekend). Check.
• Went in for Bloodwork to confirm enough of shot has been absorbed. Check.
• No food after midnight tonight.
• Return to RE tomorrow morning at 9 to meet with anethesiologist.
• ER will be at 10:00 am, preformed by MY RE. Yay.
• When I wake up, they'll let me know how many eggs they got.
• Hubby will have to give a great sample.

Okay. So we're good to go. I'm pretty happy. They want me to relax and take it easy. I can't drive until noon on monday. I won't be going to work.

This morning, I picked up a copy of "New Jersey" magazine and the cover said "Top Doctors" and on the cover was my RE!!! I couldn't believe it.

Happy November...

Went in for more monitoring this morning. RE said that the intramuscular shot worked and the follies were growing again. He wants me to do one more day of stims and then come back in tomorrow morning. Lets hope the ER is Sunday. I really really want it to be.

This morning as my doc was measuring my follies I said "You know, It only takes one good egg." He smiled and replied "Not for IVF." lol, ok.

It's November. Only eight weeks left of 2007. I'd really really like to be pregnant before 2008.

bad day

Happy Halloween all.

Today I went to the doctor. Not good news. I only have 3 follies now and they seemed to of stopped growing. Blood test revelled that my E2 (estrogen) and FSH (follicle stimulating Hormone) was low. Too low for someone doing meds to raise both of them. My body is not absorbing the meds!!! Of all the things that could go wrong! I am upset, but they have a plan and so far, ER is still Sat. Please pray for me.

"Lookin' Good"

Things are on the up! Not that they have ever been down cycle. Everything has been going wonderfully. Had another ultrasound and bloodwork today and I have to go again tomorrow. He said it looks like a Saturday ER and we are starting everyday doctor visits.

I finished my costume tonight. It's wierd looking but I don't think the toddlers will notice. I'm a bumblebee! I painted yellow stripes to a black shirt, wearing black pants and I have wings and antennaes.

Work is okay, although I wish I didn't have to go. My new maybe assistant showed up today. Her name is Lily, so I wonder if she's going to be with me or not. We'll see.

Last night I had a bit of a breakdown. Started crying that I could no longer do IVF. After this, I think I'm done. It's just too much. Maybe after a year (if this doesn't work) we'll rethink the situation, but I think after this, if we're still not pregnant, I quit. Being pregnant is something I want more than I want air, but I won't die if I don't have a baby and I have other options. My heart breaks when I say this to myself, but it's true. I'm already in therapy for this crap, what else can I do to myself.

Things are going..

My RE called me at work to tell me I have a UTI and that I need to start antibiotics. I was thinking something was wrong but wasn't thinking that. I thought I had slept wrong and messed up my back cause it was hurting but didn't think that. It's no big deal though.

Tomorrow is another doc appointment. I will get up at 530, leave at 630 drive half an hour to my docs and then drive the 40 min to work. My work day begins at 8 and ends at 5. Tomorrow I will be tired but I hope that it brings more good news.

Tonight, after getting my stim shot, I started crying. I don't think I can do this again. In fact, I know I don't want to do this again. I've been trying for 3 years and 6 months. That's a long time. I've done 2 IUI's and 3 attempts at IVF. I've spent so much money and if this doesn't work, and lets be realistic, it may not, then we are done. We'll relax with what we have and wait to see where are road takes us.

I'm going to bed. I need sleep.

WE have follicles...

I have a bunch of follicles at 10 mm! That's right where I should be. That makes me happy. We go back in Sunday morning and they should be about 12 mm. Once they hit 12 mm they grow about 1 mm a day! I need them to be about 18-20. And he said I needed 6.

I'm sooooo cranky. Almost a mean cranky.

I just wanna...

I just wanna cut the top of my head off. Just the part that is hurting. Just the part that started hurting last night and has continued steadily through the day. Just that part.

Holy Headaches!! I am feeling way more than I felt the last two times. My friend at work says maybe thats the reason it's going to work this time. I swear I am so moody. I just want to tell everyone that even slighty bothers me to F*ck OFF!! Seriously. Also, the area below my belly button is so freakin' sore from getting stabbed every freakin morning and night. I know I'm whinning. Ask me if I care? So tonight is night 2 of stims. I do another tomorrow night and then Thursday they'll tell me how many I got growing. If I make it through this without killing someone, it'll be a miracle. I just sooooo cranky. I yelled at my husband for buying the crappy kind of junk food. You know, the 'lightly salted' chips and the 'fat free' pretzels..What the hell and I supposed to do with those? I'll just eat my dried apricots.

K. Head still hurts. Think I'll lay down.