Monday, December 31, 2007

Got to see my babies today...

This morning, I did not want to go to work and I probably shouldn't of even tried. I left late (allowing myself 12 minutes to get to work) to start off with. While waiting at a red light, someone rear-ended me. It made me jerk, hard. I jumped out of my car to see no damage, which shocked me because of the force. Seeing no damage, the guy apologized and asked me if I was okay, I told him yes, no harm and went on my way. Once I got to work, though, I started having pains in my left side. I started to worry because Baby B is on my left side. I started to become anxious and I talked to the nurse who said everything was fine, I just needed to relax. I couldn't relax. It took me almost 4 years to get to this point and I wasn't taking any chances. I called my OB expecting to hear, you're okay I'll see you at your appointment Jan 21st but instead I got a "You need to come here this morning". I left work and drove 45 minutes to my OB and she did an u/s to look at them. They are perfect still and no problems. Now I'm just really really sore. My back is hurting and my neck is a bit stiff and I still have slight cramps but my babies are FINE!!! That is all that matters to me.

I called my grandma today and I talked to her about Billy for awhile. It was hard listening to my grandma cry. She must be hurting so much. I just wanted to hug her. Life can be so hard...

Sunday, December 30, 2007

I'm happy and I'm heartbroken..

Today I'm 10 weeks. I will be celebrating the new year 10weeks and 1 day pregnant. Wow. I finally went to a baby store last night and I found all kinds of exciting things. Cribs, bassinets, high chairs, swings lots of stuff. The cutest little outfits and my hubby and I decided that is going to be our weakness. We have been avoiding all stuff "baby" and we are still afraid of jinxing ourselves but we didn't buy anything. There is no harm in looking. In 2 weeks and 2 days, I'll have my NT scan and if all is as it should, we will be telling the world. I can't wait!!!

On a sadder note, my cousin Billy died last night. My mom called when we were out to dinner and told me. It was sad, but it made me numb. I didn't know how to react. At first, I don't think I believed it. But as the night progressed, it became very clear that we lost one of our cousins.

I was the first grandchild born to Clyde and Mary. Then came Luke, Marlin, Timothy, Eric, Samuel, Billy, John, Robert, Kayla, Nicky, Christian, Hannah and Joshua.

We grew up together. Spent every Christmas together. Stayed for days wearing my Grandparents out. We all lived not a mile from each other. Now one of us is gone. How do you wrap yourself around that? As these thoughts churned in my head, my tears started. All I could think was "His poor mother. What she must be going through." All parents love their children but she really loved Billy. Not in a wierd way, just as a "he's my life". Both of her children are.

I used to babysit Billy and last night all I could hear him say was "Tina, don't you think the Dodge Ram is the best truck. It is right? When I get bigger I'm going to get one of them" He did. I'm not sure if he ever bought his Dodge Ram before his love of motorcycles came into the picture. He died in a motorcycle crash.....

George William "Billy" Cowen, 22 years old, you will be missed.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Nothing to update...

I'm 9 weeks 3 days. I feel tired but pretty good. Still cramping, so I'll take that as a sign I'm still growing. Yesterday was christmas and I told everyone. Only three more weeks before I tell everyone.
My next appointment is on Jan 15th. I will be doing the NT scan. They'll be checking everything, making sure the babies are growing the right way. I'm somewhat nervous but I have the Lord on my side and I know he's taking care of my babies. They are a gift from him, afterall.
Took my first bath since I've gotten pregnant and it was wonderful! Just had to add that.
Hmmmmmmmmm, I always have stuff I want to talk about but when I get signed on, it disappears. OH I remember.
Told my family on Christmas that I was expecting two babies in the summer. My mom, sisters and brother was happy for me. My dad said he was happy if I was happy but had lots of reasons why I shouldn't be. I'm still over the moon in love with my babies and I'm sure he will be soon, as once as he meets them.
My sister got engaged this weekend. I'm not usually selfish but I wanted my news to be the only news shared at the time. I wanted it to be talked about and thought about alone. I know how it sounds but it took me almost 4 years to get pregnant and I've dreamed about this moment forever. I got my moment and it was great!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Only 3 more weeks!!

Only three weeks until I can tell the world! I'll be 9 weeks tomorrow and I'm telling my family on Christmas day!! Time seems to be standing still but flying at the same time. I want everyone to know of my good fortune but I'm afraid to let it go. hmmm confusing?

My intuition says i'm having two boys but I had a dream it was one of each. I'm not sure which one is right.

I've gained 3 pounds in 2 days. I guess I held it off as long as I could. OH well...grow babies grow!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Saw my babies again!

Today was my first OB appointment. It was amazing. We talked about how much weight I should gain, she said if I wanted to continue dieting I could as long as it was enough for the babies and we saw them. Baby A (the baby is the square) is measuring 8w3d. Just perfect. With a heartbeat of 166 bpm. Baby A is laying across my uterus enjoying the time. Baby B (that little barely white dot) is hanging out in my left side and you are looking at his hiney. Baby B is either uncooperative or really shy :). Baby B was measuring 8w2d and had a heartbeat of 167 bpm. I love them soo much. I got to see their little hearts a beating away and it was so beautiful. She told me that I will have a lot of ultrasounds and asked me how July 4th sounded to have them. Maybe July 5th, I'd prefer. If it was one, I'd be due the 27th of July. I am still in awe and can't believe I have been blessed with two miracles!

Saturday, December 15, 2007


Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks. I've finished two months. I'm two months pregnant. Wow. I am so ever greatful for those 2 months. I loved the last two months. Full of wonderful things. Finally making it to ER, having two blast (well one and almost one) at ET, getting a postive pregnancy test at home and having it confirmed by the dr. Telling my husband. Telling my mom. Seeing two sacs. Hearing two heartbeats. Seeing tears in my husbands eyes after watching the hearts beat. Him telling me that, although he's scared, it's going to be okay. Listening to my mom cry when I tell her it's twins. And finally finishing week 8.

I can't wait to share with the world. Last night at the work party, I wanted to take the mic and yell "I'm having twins". Instead I absent mindedly mentioned it to someone I never talk to and not sure I can trust. When she asked when I had given birth, I dumbly responded I hadn't yet. She started saying congrats and I told her to shhhh. She's a baby so hopefully she'll understand and mums the word.

Saturday, December 8, 2007


I know I'm only 7 weeks (tomorrow) but I love being pregnant. I mean there is the morning sickness, the moodiness, the exhaustion, the urge to eat everything in sight one second and everything make you want to vomit the next, but I love it! I feel changes that I can't explain, see things changing and it's exciting. It's amazing what your body is capable of doing by itself.

I graduated from my RE on thursday. I was kind of upset about it because I thought I had more time there. Graduating is an excellent thing, don't get me wrong, but it was still sad. I've been there for two years and it's finally paid off but I said my goodbyes and left. My RE said he would check up on me to see how I was doing during my pregnancy so that was nice.

I made my first appointment with an OB. I found one named Dr. Lin Vikner. I didn't know if this person was male or female but SHE fits the hospital affiliations I have narrowed it down too. I want either Hackensack or Valley. I'm leaning more on The Valley Hospital because they just seem so wonderful and my RE is with them so that makes me more comfortable. I hope she does another u/s and realizes what a pain in the ass patient I am going to be. These are my babies and I want to make sure everything is okay all the time.

I'm also hoping to be out of work by May. My job is stressful and physically demanding and exhausting. I'm not sure how I'll do it pregnant with twins. I see women pregnant with a singleton and the struggle to make it til the month before and just last week one of the girls' water broke in the bathroom and shes was a month early. Her baby is doing great though.

Seems I've been having nightmares lately. I know dreams change when you get pregnant. They become more vivid, a little scary but these are awful.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

The most amazing things EVER!

I heard the most beautiful sound today. My babies hearts were beating in sync and it was amazing. I saw the fluttering and I cried. Both were beating. Both are growing. I am right on target. These are my babies. I love them like crazy.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Second U/S tomorrow...

We, of course, are hoping to see two heartbeats tomorrow. I'm more on the positive side and thinking that we will see our baby's heartbeats tomorrow. I am prepared to ask more questions like, How far along are the measuring? How big are they? and When are they due? lol I think I know that one but I'm not sure when they tell you.

I'm feeling pregnant. I have started the lovely morning sickness. I wake up with my stomach turning, it stops around noon and starts again in the evening. I force myself to eat and try to not think about what I'm eating because if I do, I won't eat it. I've lost 2 pounds already but I gained 5 doing IVF so that's ok. It's just water. I'm 6w3d today, at least by my calculations. The dr's will tell me tomorrow what I really am. I think my boobs have definately increased in size. Being a D already, I'm a little nervous about getting bigger. Veins are starting to show and they are sensitive to the touch. I'm a little sensitive and have been getting upset, either angry or weepy, quickly. My hair doesn't fall out in the shower anymore and people think I've done something with it. I think it's great! The last one..I'm exhausted. When I close my eyes, sometimes I don't think they are going to open. Even at work with lots of kiddies running around.

I think I'll close and go to bed. I have to be up at 530 am tomorrow to drive through the snow to my dr's office and it's been a rollercoaster day.