Monday, November 21, 2011

I've been dx .. what do i do now?

Okay things have been going downhill. Fast. I still hadn't sought treatment for those feelings I was having .. until today.

Something happened at work between my boss and I. She wants me to switch lesson plans around. This weekend was a bad one for me. Spent most of it in bed. Didn't want to be a mom or a wife. Couldn't eat. Woke up feeling worse.

I turned and looked at her then shut the door in her face. Everyone that knows me knows I am NEVER disrespectful. It's not in blood. I can't disrespect anyone and I won't. Today I did and I did it with as much of myself as I could and I as soon as I got to my room, a sub came in because I was to report to the office asap.

My boss said I looked at her with no emotion and that I should go to the dr and seek treatment. I yelled at her. I've been trying to get off work for months now to go.

I have PPD. I was dx when the the girls were 6 months or so I believe and I took the meds for the month but felt better.

I know I've been off for awhile but I consider myself strong. I can take it. I put it in my huge "bucket" and carried it around. I know my old therapist would say "Your bucket tipped today, huh?" I started crying. I cried most of the day. I left the girls at school and went to see "Breaking Dawn" (which I LOVED btw and Eclipse is my FAVE!).

*and NO I won't be waiting in no crazy lines ;)

I know I'm a good mom and I know I'm a good teacher. I assume that what happened with V and his arm might of pushed me off the edge. I'm on a larger dose of meds than I've ever been on but I trust my dr.

I just want to feel myself again. I'm so over this depression thing.


Anonymous said...

You're doing the right thing, Tina. We're all here for you and praying. You're an amazing mother and teacher, but that doesn't mean you don't need help sometimes. <3

Cassie said...

Tina, you are on my mind and in my heart. You're doing what you need to do, and Patty's right: There is no shame in needing help. I will be praying that you get what you need.