I'm happy and I'm heartbroken..

Today I'm 10 weeks. I will be celebrating the new year 10weeks and 1 day pregnant. Wow. I finally went to a baby store last night and I found all kinds of exciting things. Cribs, bassinets, high chairs, swings lots of stuff. The cutest little outfits and my hubby and I decided that is going to be our weakness. We have been avoiding all stuff "baby" and we are still afraid of jinxing ourselves but we didn't buy anything. There is no harm in looking. In 2 weeks and 2 days, I'll have my NT scan and if all is as it should, we will be telling the world. I can't wait!!!

On a sadder note, my cousin Billy died last night. My mom called when we were out to dinner and told me. It was sad, but it made me numb. I didn't know how to react. At first, I don't think I believed it. But as the night progressed, it became very clear that we lost one of our cousins.

I was the first grandchild born to Clyde and Mary. Then came Luke, Marlin, Timothy, Eric, Samuel, Billy, John, Robert, Kayla, Nicky, Christian, Hannah and Joshua.

We grew up together. Spent every Christmas together. Stayed for days wearing my Grandparents out. We all lived not a mile from each other. Now one of us is gone. How do you wrap yourself around that? As these thoughts churned in my head, my tears started. All I could think was "His poor mother. What she must be going through." All parents love their children but she really loved Billy. Not in a wierd way, just as a "he's my life". Both of her children are.

I used to babysit Billy and last night all I could hear him say was "Tina, don't you think the Dodge Ram is the best truck. It is right? When I get bigger I'm going to get one of them" He did. I'm not sure if he ever bought his Dodge Ram before his love of motorcycles came into the picture. He died in a motorcycle crash.....

George William "Billy" Cowen, 22 years old, you will be missed.