Just a quicky :)

So Ive done three post today but I love this ...

If you were raised on Hee Haw, had a crush on any of the Dukes, only watched cartoons on Saturday morning, played in the dirt, got your butt busted or had to pick your own switch, had a phone with a rotary dial, had 3 TV channels, school started with the "Pledge", had a bedtime, rode in back of pickup trucks, recorded the top 40 from radio on cassette tapes, played in the creek, rode your bike all day without a helmet...and you still turned out okay, re-post this and remember the good times!!

This brings back those good all days. On the worst days I remember how hard life was with my parents being, well my parents, but most days all I remember is the fun we had. This is a silly FB status thingy but it made me sit there for a few and just think about all the good, fun times we had and I'd love to take my kids to a time where you got to enjoy this freely and with no worries.

Fall Fall I LOVE Fall!!

Fall is my FAVORITE season. I love everything about fall. I love the weather, the colors, the smells, the tastes .. everything!

Today is a beautiful fall day. It's about 65 degrees, the sun is shining, there is a cool breeze, Just perfect.

Next weekend we are going apple picking and then we'll plan our pumpkin picking day after that.

The girls have their costumes picked out. Katie wants to be Tinkerbell and Karly wants to be Buzz Lightyear.

So many things to do :) Yay for Fall!

"You're Mommy, you can't get sick"

Says the husband.

On Tuesday, I took the girls to school. I fixed up their breakfast and got them seated. Karly stood up, walked to sink to wash her hands and then vomited. I thought it was a fluke. How silly. Around 11, she was sent home. I took her home, daddy came home to watch her. I went back to work. At 3, I got the call that Katie had to go home as well. Left work.

Wednesday wasn't too bad but hubby woke up Thursday morning vomiting. Thursday night I started feeling sick. Donald said "You're Mommy, you can't get sick". He didn't mean it in a mean way just stating a fact. (his facts lol)

I took the girls to school yesterday and then went home to suffer.

Everything is back to normal this morning but the house is a MESS!!

I hope it's a bit before we have anything else but a cold in this house (we all have a cold).

For Fun :)

WHEN YOUR CHILD COMES HOME MESSY Red paint in the hair? Blue paint on the jeans?
Sand in the shoes? Peanut butter on a favorite shirt?
White socks that look brown? Sleeves a bit damp?
YOUR CHILD PROBABLY....
worked with a friend
solved a problem
created a masterpiece
negotiated a difference
learned a new skill
had a great time
developed new language skills
YOUR CHILD PROBABLY DIDN'T....
feel lonely
become bored
do a repetitive task that is babyish
do worksheets that are too easy. 
do sit down work that is discouraging

YOU PROBABLY....
paid good money for those clothes
will have trouble getting the red paint out
are concerned the caregiver isn't paying enough attention to your child

YOUR CAREGIVER PROBABLY....
was aware of your child's special needs and interests
spent time planning a challenging activity for the children
encouraged the children to try new things
was worried you might be concerned

Young children really learn when they are actively involved in play...not when someone is talking to them. There is a difference between "messy" and "lack of care." Your caregiver made sure your child was fed, warm, offered new skills and planned messy fun things to do because that's how your children learn!
Send your child in clothes that can get dirty! Keep extra clothes at the site for the times when the child gets really messy. But remember, your children need time to be kids.

~~~Author Unknown~~~ 


 This happens all the time.  I really have to resist the urge to shrug when parents ask me what happened to their clothing.  I do use smocks and bibs provided but if you've ever tried to art with a 2 year old, I could cover them with a garbage bag and they'd STILL get dirty lol.  I love this poem. 

Beams from the WTC that were placed in our town overlooking the river.

Girls looking into reflecting pool

On the light rail for the first time

First light rail ride

Having hotdogs in Frank Sinatra Park in Hoboken

My dinner at the Hoboken Italian Festival

Waiting for fireworks

The Island we watched the fireworks from

Last night we attending the Hoboken Italian Festival.  The girls had a great time.  It was their first trip to Hoboken.  We took the light rail and walked to the park.  We had a blast.  The girls had hotdogs, watermelon cream soda, some root beer, some ice cream and we watched a great fireworks show. 

The beam of light was up from where the towers once stood and I have a pic on my phone but I'll share that another day.

Going home was a little crazy.  It was almost midnight and we had to go to Newport to catch the light rail home.  Because it was the light rail (and the day before the 9-11 10 year anniversary)  there were tons of cops carrying big guns.  It's been quiet here though.  I'm, of course, worried about the threatened attacks today.  The big football game is tonight and they are searching everyones car before letting them in. 


It's been a nice day.  My friend had her baby.  He's sooo tiny and I'm in love.  Made me want another little one but not enough to do IVF again :)

The ugly truth ..

Okay so I've been ignoring all the signs. I know I'm ignoring them because I'm a stubborn person. I always have been. When I want to do something, I do it. Even if it means I'll fall flat on my face and end up in a worse situation than before. I still do it.

I was dx with an anxiety/panic disorder years ago. Years and years ago. Like 15 years ago. I was on meds for awhile but wanted to go it without them. Went back on them. When I wanted to have a baby, I couldn't take it. I weaned myself off and sought out therapy. She really really helped me. Got me through, taught me how to deal and manage a life med-free.

Well....

My body has really been showing signs that I NEED to go back on anxiety meds. I've been ignoring them but now they are all getting to me. It started with the heart palpitations and that feeling of dread/panic. I calmed myself down. Then I started getting little muscle twitches that I ignored. Then I started feeling tired all the time. Really ran down. Fast forward to now, my body hurts. I feel like I have the flu. I flub my words, my short term memory is all screwed up. I don't rest. I'm always worried about something. Objects make me angry. Just a little bit ago, the sound of the magazine flapping by the fan was driving me nuts. I find myself griping things a little too tight. I choke on nothing. I'll just be walking and start choking on air. Happens more than a hundred times a day. I get nervous and I've been snapping. I have great restraint at work but I will forget that I'm reading a book, I'll read the wrong words, forget what's next, and when I come home I just can't seem to talk or interact. I spend about half an hour with family, then it's time to hide in the bedroom until I have to come out.

I can't take living like this. I don't mind being on the medicine but I always hoped I wouldn't have to take it again. I know why I am an anxious person. I know how it started, when it started and I don't want my girls to be anxious or panicky. I want them to be sane haha (J/K) I want them to stay positive and not worry about every little thing like their mother.

I just feel the need to get this out somewhere. All day it felt like my heart was pumping water and I couldn't take a breath. Donald is home all weekend so that will be good for me. I usually do Saturdays by myself.

I guess I should go to bed. I do need lots and lots of sleep.

Turning my blog into a book .. hmm

Some of the post on here aren't really keep worthy but a ton of them are. I was thinking of making this blog into a book. Here are the prices: Hard cover/full color-$99, Soft cover/full color-$89, soft cover/b&w-$32.

I could do the $32 but the others are a bit steep. Last night I spent a lot of time reading my older posts and wondered what would happen if I lost this site. That's 4 years of memories I'd lose. Funny part, when I read the blog entry and then saw the comments button, I could remember exactly what the comments said before clicking to read it.

I love my blog. I think I will most definitely print most of it out. Ramblings of work and stuff aren't that important but my IVF and my pregnancy and the girls first few years is.

Work:

It's the first week with a new set of kids. They are mostly young. I have a few that don't turn 2 until the end of October. I usually have the older toddlers. Those that turn 3 in November so this is different.

The first day was okay. They cried, they laughed, they cried some more. Parents on my case asking why their child is crying. I have to keep telling them that it's normal. They look at me like I'm crazy. The second day I said "Look. I've been doing this for more than 10 years. It's normal. It happens every single September and there's nothing anyone can do. They are going to have to cry until they see that they are happy. I don't know why they need to cry but they do."

My girls never cried. Not one day at drop off. I really don't know why some kids cry. I'm not talking about the ones that cry for a little bit in the morning at separation and then go play. I'm talking about the scream-until-I-vomit and then scream some more and more and more and more. I have a few that cry All.Day.Long.

It's like I'm torturing them. We do everything to make them happy and sometimes you just have to let them cry.

They are going to their job and I'm going to spend the day with your screaming child. Yes, I will heat up their food. Yes, I will give them something to drink. Yes, I will change their diaper. Yes yes yes!! Not my first walk in the park, ya know?

Just say "Thank you" and Get off my back.

vent over.

9/11

I posted last year, I'll post it again. Simply for myself but this year I added a video/song that touches my soul.

I had just moved here. I wonder if that's why it is so stuck in memory. I saw something posted on FB saying that you can't remember what you did last Tuesday but I bet you remember what happened 10 years ago Tuesday. And I do.

I remember everything. I remember it was a beautiful sunny day. I remember saying bye to boyfriend and then rolling over to go back to sleep. I remember getting up a little before 9 to answer the phone and I remember Donald's words : "Are you okay?" "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"Have you turned on the tv?" "No, should I?" "The towers were hit." "What towers?" "The WTC towers. The ones we just visited."

I turned on the tv and watched in horror. It was happening right outside. When Donald came home we walked up the block and watch through tears. All you could see was smoke, smoke and more smoke. The smell was horrid.

The days that past were grim. Very few people on the streets, the smell of decay and smoke.

This is one of my favorite songs and it's set to a video. Donald and I are going to take a walk and take some photos of the Freedom Tower next week.

End of summer pt. 2

Today we went to the zoo. We have a membership and haven't hardly used it so we thought we'd go. I wish I could write about the fun happy time we had but the truth is it just wasn't a good time. For us.

Katie had the biggest attitude. She was talking back, throwing tantrums and a few times told me she was "running away". She wanted in the stroller, out of the stroller wanted to push the stroller and walk. Karly screamed "NO" at every exhibit we walked up to. "NO MONKEYS!" "NO LLAMAS" etc you get the point.

I told the girls I was going to smack their little butts if kept it up and they said "Mommy! Don't smack me!" Which made me look like an award winning parent. Still we smiled and made the best of our very demanding together day. There were a few exhibits they enjoyed. The liked the aquarium, birds and the penguins.

They asked to go to McDonalds. We were happy to say "Yes" because we thought it would make them happy and we could sit down and have a nice unhealthy lunch. Nope. Katie refused to eat through herself under the table, kicked the table and just refused to be good.

They refused to nap. They are still up being awful and I decided to sit here and blog while Donald takes a turn to deal with them..and that's what we are doing. Dealing with them until we can get to bedtime. I had to use the restroom before and when I came back in the room, they had dumped the entire contents of my wallet and purse onto the floor. When I asked them what they were doing, Karly said she was "Looking for dollars".

I will probably take them out for a walk after dinner to really wear there little hineys out so they sleep good and hopefully sleep in tomorrow.

Next two days are cleaning (which should be fun). Here are a few happy moments of our day.

Goodbye to Summer part 1 ..

Being that this is the last weekend of Summer and life goes back to normal come Tuesday, we decided to do a few things this weekend. Well we were going to do a lot of things but rain will keep us in.

Today we spent the day at the beach. Uncle E and Kathy came with us, as did a friend and her son from work. We went to our favorite spot but the hurricane sure did a number on it. There was no damage to structures or the boardwalk but where we usually sit was under water. Most of the beach was underwater. We had to keep moving farther back because the waves were coming all the way in.

At one point, Karly was playing with Donald and I had my back turned. I heard Karly yell and turned around and she was being knocked down by a wave. Donald ran and grabbed her and she was upset. We were no where near the water so I was a bit surprised. We moved farther back and I sat down to dig in the sand with the girls when another wave came and knocked over my brothers cooler and moved the girls toys back. The girls took off running.

We moved farther away again. Now there was a good amount of space between the ocean and us but that didn't stop the waves. They kept coming up and over our stuff. We moved farther back and Donald pointed out that our first campsite was completely under water. The high tide made a little river through the middle of the beach but the kids were so traumatized by the water coming to them that they wanted no part in it.

At the end of the day we all said goodbye to Uncle E and Kathy. I will miss them but they had a great visit. I'm burned and exhausted and the girls need a shower and bed but they are still too excited to stop playing.

Our first squatting spot. Nice distance from the water, still close enough.

Where my brother and his girlfriend are standing is where we had our second squat spot. Our first was completely covered with water. Crazy!!

It's a dark photo but still cute.

An idea of how rough the water was, but it was still nice to go in.