I have a girl crush ..

on Katy Perry haha .. Just thought I'd throw that out there. :)

The girls have been feeling pretty good and have been eating really good. I can't believe that they are actually eating veggies. They are eating what is served at dinner. I make simple dishes like chicken, peas and carrots and potatoes but they are eating it.

The other night I made steak with Gemelli and broccoli and they ate the whole thing. It was nice to see them eat. It's not like I want them to clean their plates. I just want them to eat what they want. They always get a treat and we base that treat on what they eat. If they eat a little, then they get a fruit. If they eat good, we'll give them a little something sweet.

I've been feeling really good. More energized and happy. I do my makeup, fix my hair daily. Those two alone are huge changes. Today I added jewelry. Everyone noticed. It was just a necklace but you get the picture. Things are going so well.

My class. I haven't said much about them lately. They are so good. Yep. My group that I was sure would make my year suck. It was teamwork. We had to pull together and make it work. It took a lot of give and take, a whole bunch of repetition, a little discipline but we've managed to work things out.

They aren't perfect and some days I wanna pull my hair out (who wouldn't some days with 14 2 year olds lol) but I love them all to pieces.

It's funny how things work out ..

Last night I decided to clean. Really clean. You know, the "pull out everything from under the bed, out of the closet, check and clean under every piece of furniture" clean. Yeah I got this idea at 7. I got the bedrooms done and even pulled out the girls area rug to throw it away. The dr thinks we should get rid of all carpets/rugs because of the girls' asthma. Thank goodness we have hard wood floors throughout the house.

Anyway when I was done with this I put the girls in bed and I went to bed to watch "Life As We Know It". Haven't seen it? You HAVE to watch it. So good. Well half way into the movie, I hear a little voice. "Mommy, can I lay in bed with you and watch your movie?". Sure why not. Well one thing led to another and we were giggling and doing our nails. It was so much fun and so natural.

After I finally got Katie to sleep (at the end of New Moon), I started thinking how different my life would of been had God answered my prayers. If you remember, I prayed for a boy or two boys and I begged and pleaded to Him not to give me two girls. Funny that at 26 weeks I found out God totally ignored me.

I can't imagine having boys now. I believe I truly got what I was meant to have. Two little girls. They love having their hair done, pretty dresses and cute shoes. They also love playing in the dirt with their favorite cars and trucks.

He knew my fears about being a mom to girls and I guess he knew better. We have a great relationship and we get closer the older they get.

In other news

Last night I broke my frickin' tooth. Well I didn't, the carrot did. Now I've known all along that I have a cavity in this tooth but I don't have dental insurance and dentists are expensive and I just kept putting it off. I'll sadly be going to see a dentist tomorrow morning, bright and early :( boo!

Sickness ..

UGH

Girls are still sick. Katie has more of a cold than anything but Karly has a fever every other day. The doctor isn't sure if we should do antibiotics or not because it seems like a virus but then it seems like it might be bacterial. She wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic but told me to hold off. Her fever went away but she has a horrible cough. The dr mentioned that the left side of her chest sounded very coarse and that her cough wasn't good.

So she has no fever but a bad cough. I have to call tomorrow to see if we start the med. I'm not sending her to school tomorrow because I have no idea if she's well or not.

A month ago I caught a cold and I haven't been able to get rid of it. It sucks big time and I'm ready to start feeling better.

However, I'm almost off the xanax. I had to take one the other day but I had gone without one for over a week.

I'm going back on a diet tomorrow. Should be loads of fun. 35 pounds is my goal but I'll take 5 :)

Something I've wanted to blog for a while ..

I've written a post like this one a few times then deleted it because, well I don't know, I was afraid it would sound like a bunch of babbling but I think I'm gonna write it and actually post it ..

Childhood.

When I was growing up I thought I had a pretty awesome childhood. Grew up in the country, on a farm. Could go anywhere my feet could take me. Long bike rides down the dirt road. Leaving home in the morning and running home at lunch to scarf down a hotdog and some kool-aid before disappearing again and coming in covered in dirt when it got dark. Eating dinner and taking a swim in the tub before getting ready for bed. Those were the days. It didn't matter that my dad obviously had something wrong with him that made him cranky all the time and my mom seemed depressed all the time.

As I got older and my mom had more kids, I had more responsibilities. I had to take care of the younger two, go to school and do my chores but life was still pretty awesome.

It wasn't until I got older (12) and my parents split and I had to decide between the two that things seemed to change. Do I want to stay with my dad and continue my life in one place or move to another place and be with my mom and siblings? In the beginning I didn't get a choice. My brothers moved in with my dad and me and my sister moved with my mom. Then my mom moved us to IOWA (hate that state) and I started wondering if I was really happy.

I rebelled and started hating everything about my life. I would watch what other people had and would hate that I didn't have it. I went to live with my dad and then ran away to live with my mom and eventually didn't live anywhere. Just stayed with whoever or whatever friends mom said I could. I managed to graduate with my grandparents help.

I moved way too far away to go to this college knowing I didn't have what it took. No car, no money, no job but what the heck right? I'd lived through this "horrible" childhood I could do anything. I tried. I failed. I went home to welcome arms. Wait. What?

I'd just left all these "horrible" people that ruined my life and they were just waiting there for my to come home when I needed to. I'd ran away from my mom and my dad in the middle of the night with just a note on my pillow each time. Never bothering to call.

Each time I ran off to do something stupid (like moving 2 hours away to live with my true love that eventually dumped me, leaving me alone in a strange place) they would just welcome me back.

I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. I was angry about everything and eventually attempted.. well we'll leave that poor lapse in judgement be. Eventually I felt better and moved back home. That's when I decided to give college another try. I did another semester and moved back home but this time I'd met this wonderful guy that went by the name Donald.

I helped my mom take care of the kids when she found out she had 25+ tumors in her uterus. I started working at a daycare (found out that I finally was really good at something) but I was still miserable.

I was only too happy when Donald asked me to come live with him. I broke my parents hearts and left my siblings to move 1100 miles away to "Live my dream" and you know what? They let me go. They wanted me to stay but they wanted me to be happy.

Now that I'm a mom I've learned a few things ..

1. My parents always did what they thought was best
2. I was a pain in the ass
3. I've always been loved
4. I did actually have an awesome childhood
5. I am all that I am because of my family
6. My parents really did know everything and I didn't know as much as I thought I did
   

When I look back now I don't see the hard times only the good. My parents tried to give us a good life even if it didn't seem like it. They did what they could with what they had and at times it wasn't very much.

Those little conversations ..

I'm sitting on the living room floor with Karly and I hear from the bathroom ..

"Mommy! I got some pee on my panties"
"Okay Katie, I'll be right there just take them off"
"But Mommy I peed on my underwear"
"I know Katie, I'll be right there"
"But Mommy they are wet and I pooped in my pajamas"

She then comes running in the room with her pants around her ankles.

"Mommy, I peed in my underwear and pooped in my pajamas."
"Katie, get back in the bathroom"
"But Mommy, I got poop on my finger."

Yeah .. lol