Friday, April 10, 2009

Motherhood...


I love being a mom. I knew I'd love being a mom but I love it even more than I ever imagined. I love walking into their room and seeing them smile at me. I love when I hear them saying "Mama" even if they don't *really* mean it yet. I love when they wake up in the middle of the night, okay so I don't exactly *love* waking up at 1am, reaching for me and when I pick them up the bury their faces in my neck and go back go sleep. I love the giggles, the smiles and hugs.
Of course, there are things I don't enjoy. The fighting they do, the tantrums. The screaming at bedtime. What I didn't consider is the fact that somehow a mother needs to take time to make sure she takes care of herself. I started out thinking that all I needed to do what to take care of them, keep them fed and happy. Not true.
Three weeks ago I started having pain. I ignored the pain. Wednesday it became so severe I had to go to the doctors and felt I was on the verge of going insane. My doctor said he thinks its my intestines. That I have a possible infection and treated it but sent me to have an u/s to make sure it's nothing else. I haven' taken the time to find another Gyno, so now I need to find one because today, at the u/s, they found an few items that need to be examined by a gyno. I still have fluid around my ovary, I still have pcos and I have what looks like another large cyst but my uterus is still very large and they couldn't get a good look at it. I am going for a CT scan in, oh crap, 2 minutes. I'm hoping it goes well and the radiololgist said that whatever it is probably benign but with a family history of uterine cancer, I'm alway nervous. Okay 1 minute...
I'm also dehydrated most of the time. I can never remember to drink something and I am doing so badly at my weight loss goal :(.
I've got to find an equal balance between kids and self. Any suggestions?

2 comments:

Cassie said...

Tina, I'm so sorry about the health scare! I hope all that turns out all right, and I'll be thinking about you.

And oh, it is so hard to find the balance between all the different roles we have: woman, wife, and mother. I don't have any suggestions to help you, because I struggle with it too almost every day. I do find that a nice hot bubble bath does worlds to relax me, though, after the little on is in bed and my husband is otherwise occupied.

Take care of yourself!!

Patty H. said...

Oh gosh, I'm sorry about all this. I know how easy it can be to forget about yourself when you're doing something you truly love, but I really hope this turns out OK. I'll be thinking of you. Good luck!