Saturday, October 20, 2007

I've been crying a lot. The hormones are kicking my ass. When I'm not crying, I want to. Is it all worth it?

I think we are getting close to Cycle Day (CD) 1. CD 1 is when I get excited. I get to call the doctor and make an appointment for CD 3. CD 3, is where my dream ended in July. July, I go into to the docs office and lay on the table for the ultrasound. I tell him how my meds are ready and we are ready to do it again. CD 3 was when he turned the monitor towards me and had me look at a very large dark shadow where my ovary should of been and tells me that it's full of blood, there is no follicles (eggs) in sight and that we can not continue with the cycle. IVF #2, cancelled. Just like IVF #1, when I got in, all excited to see my eggs growing and he tells me there are only 3, not enough to continue and cancelled it. Now we are approaching CD 3, I've been doing shots for 9 days now.

I don't know why, but I'm kind of afraid to talk about it. People know I'm doing it, but when it comes to talking about it, I can't. I've always been very open about it but this month I can't. I'm afraid to open up and share the good news. Back in May, I wanted to tell everyone "I have 20 follicles growing!! I'm doing a great job!" but apparently I wasn't because it was cancelled because all but 3 decided to stop growing.

Monday or Tuesday I'll go in for my bloodwork and ultrasound and we'll see what comes of it.

I've been wanting to go to eastern state Pen for a long time and I finally may get to go but tickets are 30 per person and that's a lot. We'll see.

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