The next day...

Okay, the thought of twins has made me excited. I'm ready for two and was awake a lot last night thinking about what needs to be done to prepare...yes I know, it's early. I am also praying and worrying about next thursday. I want to see two hearbeats. I was okay with having one, but now that I'm pregnant with two, I want both to make it. I haven't told anyone in my life that I'm having twins. I feel it will jinx it. So we are hoping and praying for strong heartbeats next thursday. Pray for us

Wowo!

There are two. We are having twins. I am trying to sit on this information until we have two heartbeats. I can't believe we are having twins!! Here is a picture of my babies. I love them already!!!!

First U/S tomorrow!!

Tomorrow is my first ultrasound. I am so excited. Just needed to update!

5 Weeks!!!!

I'm 5 weeks today!! 1 month and 1 week. I feels great! In honor of week 5, I went out and bought a digital (they're expensive!) and took it. It said Pregnant! Not that I didn't think it would, but in the past (back when I thought it would be easy), I would run to the store, buy the digital and run to the bathroom to take it. Little did I know that these test are the worst to buy because they aren't as sensitive. So every dame time this thing would say "Not Pregnant" and it would be a knife to the heart. I vowed that when I did get pregnant, the first thing I would do is take a digital and have my revenge. It was sweet. I felt like I was finding out for the first time. My hubby didn't understand. He said (in his usually sarcastic way): " So, you take 2 test that come up postive, the RE himself calls you to tell you that the beta was postive and then the nurse calls to say congrats and schedules you and ultrasound and you don't believe it. But, you go and take a digital and now you believe it?" Oh he doesn't understand :)

I've gained 5.8 pounds. This isn't good. I didn't want to gain any in the first month, as you don't have too. I've too sensitive about gaining weight right now. I still have 8 months to go and I've already gained 5 of 25 I should gain. Maybe it's water weight because I haven't changed my style of eating. If anything, I've eaten less. My meals are healthy (well except last night..I had shepards pie..it was goood). but I had brocolli with it.

Those are my ramblings for today. Have a great one!

The joy of tummy troubles...

I'm not sure yet what it is. I know the progesterone can give you cramps but I'm thinking it can my your tummy queesy? I started dry heaving and gagging in line at jcp today! I was so embarrassed. My friend felt bad because all she said was lets go for "cheeburger cheeburger" and get milkshakes, and that was all it took. I think it was too early to mention food. It was 730 am, but now it's funny.

So I went shopping today. I had a blast and spent lots of money. I think I shopped for everyone though!

Giving Thanks....

"Thanks be to Him for this indescrible gift." 2 Corinthians 9:15 --
I can not express how happy I am. God gave me something I already love with all my heart. It's been 47 months since starting this journey.......Thanks be to God.

I've been feeling pretty crampy, with twinges and pulling. I don't know what 'Eggbert' is doing in there but I'm sure he's getting comfy, or at least that's what I'm praying for. Our ultrasound is next Thursday and I'm kind of nervous at what we see.

My back is hurting for all the gas I have suddenly decided to have. Don't know why I'm gassy. Maybe something I ate. My ribs feel like they are being pulled apart. None of it is departing. At this point, it can leave whichever way it chooses :). TMI sorry..

Wow oh Wow!!!

I got my beta test done today. It was 175! I am beyond happy. We have an u/s and b/w next Thursday. After I see the u/s, maybe I'll feel more like I should be feeling. My lower belly hurts a bit with the pulling and the bloating but I feel it's totally worth it.

Nov 18th...9dp5dt

Okay so it's been 9 days since my transfer. My life has been a rollercoaster this last week. On Wednesday I had bleeding at work. More than spotting, just red bleeding. I went home and stayed on my couch all day Thursday and it has all stopped. Due to that, I decided to test. I tested Friday morning (at 1 AM) and it was postive. It was soooo light though. So I'm not reading anything into it. On Saturday, I tested again. The line was a little darker. I wish I could enjoy this but until I see an ultrasound, I don't think I'll be able too. I feel nauseaus a lot. All we can do is pray for good news tomorrow. I'm feeling very optimistic but a little pessimistic as well. "I think, therefore, I am."

Nov 15th: Cycle day 26...

It's been six days since they put my beautiful embabies back in where they belong. Six days of wondering, guessing, hoping, praying, and dreaming that they are starting their life in me. Last Saturday, I felt what could of been described as Implantation cramping. It lasted for about 5 minutes and went away. Later that night, I had a second cramp that last about 2 minutes. I remember them because they hurt. It felt like someone was pinching the area of my uterus really really hard. I've had brown spotting. All normal signs that I am about to become what I've wanted to be for so long..pregnant.

Yesterday at work, I decided to help one of my Toddlers by lifting her. She just happens to be a pretty big girl and I felt my lower pelvic area give a cramp. It eased after a few seconds and I didn't think anything of it. About ten minutes later I went to use the potty to find red on the toilet paper. Fear gripped me. I sat there thinking "Spotting is normal" and I started telling myself, "just sit here a minute longer and then wipe. So I did. More red. Not pink, not light but red and lots of it. I started to panic a little more. I thought I'd sit and try to relax. Took deep breaths then it dawned on me that I would of started my period today if I wasn't on the PIO shots. That really hit me hard. Then I wiped again and again...more red. It wasn't stopping.

I went into my classroom and I felt like I was going to suffocate in there. The walls closed in and all I could think was "I just spent 15,000 dollars on something that is over. I didn't even make it to beta day" . The tears started. I couldn't hold them back. My kids were outside playing and my assistant was with them. I went to the only private place in the building..My boss' office. I sat in the chair and she looked at me. I said "I'm bleeding. It's over" and started bawling. She gave me a pep talk and told me I should go home and cry and call the doctor because I wouldn't be any help to the children in the state I was in. Head bowed, I talked to my assistant and she gave me a hug and I went home. Called my dr and waited.

He called back and said that some bleeding is normal, I should take the day off tomorrow (today) and call him if the bleeding continues. My p4 was normal so there was no increase in PIO shots. I also had a therapy appointment last night. She said that I should take the time off and tell myself over and over that I'm pregnant. It's okay to spot.

I went home, used the restroom again, only to see nothing on the paper. Nothing. No brown, no pink, no nothing. I breathed a sigh of relief. I'm staying home today. I'm relaxing. Nothing to stress about. I'm okay. I'm still pregnant (if only in my mind) and I'm okay. The brown is back this morning but I'm okay.

Today is cycle day 26. I'm 6dp5dt. I am sooo poas this saturday!

I worry too much..

I thought when my work was done, I would relax. Although I'm not stressing the whole "Am I pregnant" thing, I just feel that everytime I use the bathroom and wipe, there will be blood. I panic everytime I use the bathroom. I have cramps that feel like menstrual cramps and it's my fear of this that I'm afraid of. I know whatever will happen will happen but Im just not ready for it to be over yet.

WE'RE DONE!

IVF is officially over. I have two wonderful embryos hopefully attaching themselves and things are going to go great. We have named them Jellybean, who was a stage blast, score was a 4 B, RE said it was excellent and we have Eggbert, who is a little behind schedule but still very special to us. Eggberts score was 2 C. Scores range from 1-6, 6 being the best in size and A-D, A being the best quality or something like that. So my job is over. Now it's up to them. I have been trying to help them along. Today I ate a fifth of a pineapple core because it's to help with implantation. It was awful but I ate it. I will eat it for four more days. My tongue was sore for about an hour. I also spent a lot of time laying on my couch today hoping they get all snuggly. The other thing is the freakin shots in the ass. My butt is really really starting to hurt. I'm starting to dread doing it but it has to be done. I plan on relaxing and doing as little as possible for the weekend and doing hardly nothing at work as well. Just kidding, but I plan on taking it easy until the pregnancy test. Only nine more days!

These are not my photos but to give a little visual. This is kind of what 'Eggbert' (Right) looked like. This one was darker in the middle and a lot smaller.

"Jellybean" (left) was bigger and looked almost clear with no dark spots at all. Again, these aren't mine. I didn't get any photos but I wanted to share something.

I was tagged...

I have been "tagged" by Schmoodle, here are the Rules: Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they’ve been tagged.

1. I met my husband on Yahoo.com while sitting in the computer room at my college 1100 miles away from him.
2. I don't care for chocolate.
3. I am terrified, and I mean irrationally 'knock everyone and everything out of my way to get away', from spiders. Doesn't matter how big or invisible, if it resembles, I'm gone.
4. I have the biggest crush on David Boreanez (Angel, Sealy Booth).
5. Most of my ancestors are Native American (a few different tribes) but my great great grandma was Ugaslovian.
6. My favorite movie of all time is "Gone With the Wind" .
7. I would have cheesecake for dinner everyday if I wouldn't gain any weight.
8. All the organs on my right side that I don't need for life have been removed. Ovary, Fallopian tube, appendix and gallbladder.

I am tagging: BabyGodot, Kim, Jody, Rachel, T-Girl, Epphd, Winks, Tarah.

Here are my eight. I'm really hoping the links worked. I had to teach myself how to do it.

Lots and Lots of trips...

I had to pee every freakin' hour last night. If I tried to ignore it, I would get all crampy. Good news? I lost 5 pounds of water weight in my sleep. This morning I woke up and I've lost 5 of the 6 pounds of water weight (thats what the good RE told me it was) that I've gained since starting this cycle of IVF.

I'm going to work today and I'm kind of looking foward to it. I am working tomorrow and Wednesday then I am taking the rest of the week off. This Friday is my mom's birthday, Sat is my friends then on Monday I get my blood test for the progesterone, then I'm going away the next weekend, then it will be the 19th. The Big Blood Test! Seems I will be able to keep my mind busy for the next week and a half. I know the blood test will only help, but I won't be comfortable unti after an 8 week scan.

So far, my embabies are tucked away in a lab in Paramus and should be sleeping :) I haven't gotten any word that they stopped growing and I really hope it doesn't come. We want them to all survive. I know all I need is One and I want two, but wouldn't it be nice if they all made it?

I just need to add that without God, none of this would be possible. Praise the Lord for all the good he has done so far. I know in my heart that this is possibly it for me. I will be a mommy when this is over and if it isn't there is another reason....

Over The Moon...

I am so happy. We had 5 eggs and although I had great fear that it wasn't enough, it was. 4 of our eggies have fertilized. I have 4 embryos in the making. I feel bad for the 5th but I have 4. 4 out of 5 is an awesome ratio. My God is awesome and he's accomplished something I was losing hope of ever having. I try to think positive but things are just so hard for me. Praise be to God for my 4 wonderful fertilized eggs.

Egg Transfer is on Friday, which is my mothers birthday. That makes it extra special.

We have eggies!!

Okay if nothing else happens, I made 5 eggs. They were able to retrieve 5 and I am beyond happy with that. I was so worried there would be follicles with no eggs. Tomorrow I will find out more.

The entire was procedure was amazing. I was put to sleep but the time the anethesiologist and the RE spent with me was assuring and comforting. My RE stayed in eye sight the whole time :). When I woke up, he was right there. I liked that he went right outside and informed my husband that he had gotten 5 and that I was recovering. It was just wonderful.

So now I'm sitting at home, getting ready to go to bed again. I'm extremely sore and taking tomorrow off. All is good.

Today is the day!

Of course my ER would happen on the day we set our clocks back. I went to bed at 10, which was really 9 and woke up at 6 which was really 7 and 7 is when I need to be up to get ready for my day. I am leaving at 8:15 but it's even longer now because we had to set the clocks back.

My back is still uncomfortable. I didn't sleep very well and I was tossing and turning all night. It is amazing for me that I have actually gotten to this point in my life and I am so happy to be there even though I complain a lot. I haven't been that moody this weekend. Friday I was but that was stress. I'm thirsty but there is nothing I can do about it being that the rule is "no food or drink after midnight" geez i'm not a gremlin...j/k.

The thought are running through my head "Is it going to work" "Are there going to be enough eggs" "Are they going to be good enough" " Are they going to mature" "Am I going to make it to ET" ???????????

I will find out today. I will post when I get up but I'm not sure when that will be. It's 45 minutes until i get up and get ready so I guess I'll find a way to occupy myself.

just an update of sorts

This is a photo from the magazine "New Jersey Monthly". My RE (fertility doctor) is the young one on the left. He was in the "108 Award winning physcians". He is a very good doctor and has showed patience when I've yelled at him, cried at him and even questioned his motives. Even when he called me at work and told me that he had to cancel my first IVF because of lack of response, I said "IUI isn't going to work so why bother" and hung up on him, only to call him back and schedule it a few hours later. But he was very nice to me when he saw me again. He even explained that he used to much Lupron, although he used the recommended amount for a woman with PCOS and explained that he would use less the next time.

Moving on, I am so uncomfortable. I am bloated, I feel like my bladder is filled to busting and when I try to go, I don't have to go. My back is aching and I'm tired. It hurts to sit, too tired to stand, just miserable. Thank God I only have the one ovary. Could you imagine if I had two?

IVF hasn't been a pleasent expierence so i'm glad it's coming to an end. My ET is set up for either Wed or Fri but we are thinking and hoping for Fri. We'll know on Monday when it's going to be.

Sore...

I feel so sore today. I'm a bit bloated and I feel full. I know it's the ovary getting larger but it's still uncomfortable.

We went for the ER consultation and she explained the procedure.

• Took HCG shot at midnight 11/3 (usually 11, but hour change this weekend). Check.
• Went in for Bloodwork to confirm enough of shot has been absorbed. Check.
• No food after midnight tonight.
• Return to RE tomorrow morning at 9 to meet with anethesiologist.
• ER will be at 10:00 am, preformed by MY RE. Yay.
• When I wake up, they'll let me know how many eggs they got.
• Hubby will have to give a great sample.

Okay. So we're good to go. I'm pretty happy. They want me to relax and take it easy. I can't drive until noon on monday. I won't be going to work.

This morning, I picked up a copy of "New Jersey" magazine and the cover said "Top Doctors" and on the cover was my RE!!! I couldn't believe it.

Wow

Is this what it feel slike to know I've done all this for a reason this time? My ER is offically on Sunday! I have to do my last shot tonight at midnight and go back into the doctors at 8 am. My ER is Sunday at 10.

Happy November...

Went in for more monitoring this morning. RE said that the intramuscular shot worked and the follies were growing again. He wants me to do one more day of stims and then come back in tomorrow morning. Lets hope the ER is Sunday. I really really want it to be.

This morning as my doc was measuring my follies I said "You know, It only takes one good egg." He smiled and replied "Not for IVF." lol, ok.

It's November. Only eight weeks left of 2007. I'd really really like to be pregnant before 2008.