Thursday, November 15, 2007

Nov 15th: Cycle day 26...

It's been six days since they put my beautiful embabies back in where they belong. Six days of wondering, guessing, hoping, praying, and dreaming that they are starting their life in me. Last Saturday, I felt what could of been described as Implantation cramping. It lasted for about 5 minutes and went away. Later that night, I had a second cramp that last about 2 minutes. I remember them because they hurt. It felt like someone was pinching the area of my uterus really really hard. I've had brown spotting. All normal signs that I am about to become what I've wanted to be for so long..pregnant.

Yesterday at work, I decided to help one of my Toddlers by lifting her. She just happens to be a pretty big girl and I felt my lower pelvic area give a cramp. It eased after a few seconds and I didn't think anything of it. About ten minutes later I went to use the potty to find red on the toilet paper. Fear gripped me. I sat there thinking "Spotting is normal" and I started telling myself, "just sit here a minute longer and then wipe. So I did. More red. Not pink, not light but red and lots of it. I started to panic a little more. I thought I'd sit and try to relax. Took deep breaths then it dawned on me that I would of started my period today if I wasn't on the PIO shots. That really hit me hard. Then I wiped again and again...more red. It wasn't stopping.

I went into my classroom and I felt like I was going to suffocate in there. The walls closed in and all I could think was "I just spent 15,000 dollars on something that is over. I didn't even make it to beta day" . The tears started. I couldn't hold them back. My kids were outside playing and my assistant was with them. I went to the only private place in the building..My boss' office. I sat in the chair and she looked at me. I said "I'm bleeding. It's over" and started bawling. She gave me a pep talk and told me I should go home and cry and call the doctor because I wouldn't be any help to the children in the state I was in. Head bowed, I talked to my assistant and she gave me a hug and I went home. Called my dr and waited.

He called back and said that some bleeding is normal, I should take the day off tomorrow (today) and call him if the bleeding continues. My p4 was normal so there was no increase in PIO shots. I also had a therapy appointment last night. She said that I should take the time off and tell myself over and over that I'm pregnant. It's okay to spot.

I went home, used the restroom again, only to see nothing on the paper. Nothing. No brown, no pink, no nothing. I breathed a sigh of relief. I'm staying home today. I'm relaxing. Nothing to stress about. I'm okay. I'm still pregnant (if only in my mind) and I'm okay. The brown is back this morning but I'm okay.

Today is cycle day 26. I'm 6dp5dt. I am sooo poas this saturday!

1 comment:

Ariella said...

Keep telling your self spoting is normal and that you ARE pg. Trying to stay calm can only help. My fingers are crossed and you are in my prayers, GL!