Busy? That's an understatement.

I don't know when life got so hectic but it did.  2 almost 4 year olds, a full time job and a husband is a lot to handle.

Where do I start?  I don't even know where we left off.

Work.
Work is going well.  I'm training some new ladies.  I've been told that I need to say good bye to Toddlers because this will be my last year in there.  I'm very sad about that.  Good news?  Those little ones I've fallen in love with over the year are going to be mine again.  I'll get to watch them grow even more.  Yes they drive me mad but OH I wish I could share pics of them on here.  You would fall in love too.  They are so smart and funny and lately they've been telling me they love me.  It's so great to hear.  I spend a great deal of time with these children.  I've potty trained them, I feed them three times a day, I rub their backs to sleep, hold them when they cry.  Yes I love the kids in my class .. even though they drive me frickin' crazy!!

Lately we've been having lots of hitting and tantrums and yelling and screaming and JUST NOT LISTENING.
It's enough to make you shake your head and wonder "What in the WORLD was I thinking choosing this as a profession??'  But then I come to work and get hugged and told "I wuv you Ms. Tina".  Awe.

Girls
Getting big, bossy and bratty.  Oh my I have no idea how I will survive these two in puberty.  OY VEY.  Katie is getting so bossy but she's so pretty and smart and confident.  Karly is very shy but funny and energetic.  She laughs a lot.  They are excited about their birthday and vacation.  We've told them all the fun stuff we were going to do.  They keep saying "July 14!" cause that's when both things happen.

Me.
I took tomorrow off.  Meds aren't working much anymore and I'm becoming more anxious and irritable.  I'm finding myself getting trapped into things.  I'm going to talk to my dr tomorrow.  I'm going to ask him to either put me back on xanax or up my dosage.  I take such a low dose now.  I'm not sure why I'm getting worse again but I think it's a mix of burn up and I just want to go the hell home.  


50 Shades.
I sat down and started reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" despite my better judgment.  I did enjoy the book once I was passed all those "parts" I didn't find entertaining.  Honestly, some girls want him!  He's a fictional character that got his rocks off my beating and dominating women.  I don't understand the attraction.  The two characters did find a great love and THAT I liked.  I hated the ending.  However, It was a love story and a very good one at that.  I'm glad I spent 4 days reading 3 books snuggled in my bed by my lamp.  I am so tired but I'm done :) .

I wanted to post some pics but ya'll seen them on FB I'm sure haha :)

A beautiful day in the neighborhood :)

As the girls are marinading in the tub (don't worry, they are being watched) I though I'd blog about our great day.

We got up this morning and had breakfast then packed for the zoo. I haven't been to the zoo with them by myself before. I wasn't really sure how to get to this zoo but we figured it out and had an awesome time. They were very well behaved and .... I had to get them out of the tub so I lost my train of thought .. hmmm Oh yeah. We went to lunch and went home.

They passed out in the car but as soon as we got home, they woke up. When Donald got home we decided to take a bus to Hoboken and let the girls play in the sandpit at Frank Sinatra Park. Yeah the sandpit grosses me out a bit if I think about it, so I don't. I let the girls play all they wanted . .. for 3 hours. We shared a Ritas Geletini (juicy pear, yumm!) and went to Tunes, a second hand music store. While waiting for the bus I ran in and bought a bottle of water to rinse the girls hands and faces. They were so dirty (thus the marinading in the tub).

This was the girls first and second time on a bus. They loved it. Of course they didn't understand why they had to sit down so that was an issue but it was less than 5 minutes so it wasn't too bad.

The weather was perfect as well. I love Spring. Such a beautiful season.

Work has so many things coming up as well. This coming week we are spending the week celebrating the Young Child with things like silly hat and sock day, ice cream sundae day, costume day, picnic day and pajama day. We are also learning the letter P so I thought a Pasta Party would tie up the lesson just fine. That should be great. All the parents signed up to bring something. We are planning a Mothers Day snack party and so far 100% of the moms are attending. I was worried some moms wouldn't be able to make it and I felt bad but it doesn't look to be the case.

I am having a hard time with the menu though. I thought about decorating cupcakes but I have egg allergies, so I thought mini english muffin fruit pizzas would be yummy. I also thought a chocolate/pretzel snack mix would be good but who knows. Anyway for the fruit pizzas I thought we'd start with a toasted english muffin, strawberry cream cheese and strawberries and blueberries on top.

I'm open to ideas :)

Happy Easter :)

We've had such a blessed Easter weekend. On Friday, we went shopping. We got the girls some new sneakers and I got a new wallet (yay) and they girls and hubby got some new clothing. Shopping is always fun :)

On Saturday, a few of my friends and I got together to go see Mirror, Mirror and lunch at Panera. No kids. Nobody needing anything for 4 hours. It was nice. The movie was so good. I'm a huge Julia Roberts fan and even though she was evil in this movie, I still loved her and her character :) Lunch was so yummy. Half a sandwich and some creamy broccoli cheddar soup.. yum-o. I even snuck home an orange scone and ate it after the girls went to bed.

When I got home, we took the girls to the park for a few hours. They played soccer, blew bubbles and ran around. They were exhausted. We came home, made a quick dinner, gave the girls a bath and within 3 minutes of laying down, they and were out.

Today I took the girls on a picnic. It was so windy but they had fun. It's a pretty big park, on a hill next to a river. So pretty but I lost Karly. We were with another family we are close with and I was watching the older kids play ball while Karly and Katie sat next to me having a few sips. A few minutes later, I look over and I realize Karly is gone. I leave Katie and go running towards the play area and I see her climbing a large rock wall. She turns around, looks at me and waves. Thank goodness she was safe and sound but it was kind of a wake up call. Sometimes one gets too comfortable and lets their guard down and nowadays it seems like there is someone evil waiting for that moment.

We went to a friends house afterwards for some food and an egg hunt. All in all it was a pretty good day.

Now some pics :)

I'm dreaming of vacation. ..

This year we've planned out a fun filled vacation for our little family of 4. We plan on visiting as usual but our girls are older and spending our family vacation sitting on ppls sofas doesn't sound like fun when you think about it.

We are always so busy working and trying to get through our day. This year we plan on slowing down, sleeping, letting the girls really explore and play.

I'm thinking of dipping our toes in the Roubideux. A river so clear you can see the bottom. We did it last year as an after thought and it was a little too cool because it was dark.

An overnight trip to St. Louis. We are heading out early to see a Cardinals game. Donald is really excited to do this. Katie is too. Karly and I are thinking "July. In Missouri. In a packed stadium. During the day." Yeeeeeaaaaah :)

Also during our trip to St. Louis we will be taking the girls to the St. Louis Zoo. It's a pretty big zoo. My mom and sister and maybe some other family are meeting us up there. Other than parking, it's free. Can't beat free.

Our Family reunion. Everyone agreed to change it so we could attend. That was very thoughtful of them. I haven't been to a reunion in years.

The girls Birthday party :) I can't believe they are turning 4. How in the world did that happen?

The incredible pizza place. Nuff said :) We love that place. We are meeting my dad there to celebrate the girls' birthday with him since he doesn't do anything family related.

Anyway that's 2 weeks of awesomeness.

In other news, I went to get a mani today and I asked my mother in law to watch the girls. Well I'm pretty sure my parenting skills won't be getting judged anytime soon :)

Karlys been having this issue of screaming when she gets embarrassed, is tired, can't get what she wants etc. Donald and I ignore her. We will walk over her and leave the room if needed. We will not feed in to it or try to stop her. It only gets worse when we do. We get judged each time.

Wellll today Karly did this to my mother in law for the first time and mother in law wasn't happy. So I politely said "Now you know it's not us and why we ignore her" she replied with "that's terrible" Am I wrong? Thought not.

Happy Easter :)

Thinking out loud..

or in writing..

Today I was at work and I couldn't help but think that I've been in this profession for awhile now and I'm beginning to realize that the kids behaviors are getting worse. Children are getting to "Rule the roost". They have no boundaries and are undisciplined. Of course they are all perfect in their own little way but I spend more time in my room breaking up fights, tending to battle wounds and discipling than anything else. What's the deal?

I'm so exhausted and worn down when I get home. Who wants to say they just spend the last 10 hours putting 2 year olds in time out? I try to use positive enforcement .. a lot. I try to ignore the minor and do redirection but it's on going.

They older they get the more disrespectful they get. I love my class. I love the kids, I do but this just has to stop. I walk in every single morning with a smile and a great attitude and 3 hours later I'm done.

Of course I blame myself. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. What can I do better tomorrow? I plan it out, I put it into action and sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn't. I don't know this is just my thoughts at the moment.

Tonight when we got home, the girls and I walked to the park. I just sat on the bench with my ear buds in and watched the girls run around. I needed some time alone but the girls didn't deserve to sit inside on such a beautiful day so I got what I needed and they go what they needed. It was a win win.

Katie doesn't need surgery thank goodness. She has a mild snore but it isn't affecting her in any way so we are good. Karly is doing very well.

Vacation is coming in 3.5 months. The girls are super excited. We told them all about vacation. We are going to a cardinals game, a family reunion, the st louis zoo, to see their grammy, GG and their cousins and it all starts on their birthday. Yep, their 4th Birthday. We are planning a huge birthday party for them back home. Should be fun fun fun. I can't wait :)

I guess that's everything on my mind. I still want to lose 35 pounds but that ain't happening. Of the 50 I wanted to lose this year, I've lost 15 :( ... boo.

An update on us :)

Okay so my computer had to go to the doctor to get fixed and that took forever. I can blog from my phone but that is a total PIA so I haven't been blogging.

Things have been going okay. Katie is pushing her limits and acting like a spoiled brat, Karly is still on cloud 7 chasing butterflies as usual. I had a follow up with my doc and he said to continue with the meds. No reason to stop the paxil. I've lost 15 pounds (been going up and down 5 pounds but I've lost it).

We spent a wonderful day at the park today. It was beautiful outside. Just needed a long sleeve shirt and a sweater and you were good. We even got in a game of soccer. We left to have lunch then went back to the park. I got home and made some tomato soup with pasta and meat (seasoned with onions, salt and pepper) with broccoli and then we had a bomb pop (remember those) and then the girls got a nice hot bath and got scrubbed brushed and slipped into jammies before being tossed in to bed and asleep two minutes later. That was worth the day in the sun.

Katie had her sleep study done. She did very well. Our appointment to get the results is thursday. The nurse said I didn't need to worry about anything so that is good. The sleep study was to decide if she needs to have her tonsils and adenoids taken out so we'll see.

Karly is good. There really isn't anything different with her. She's still goofy and laughs a lot. She got those thingys for her shoes and doesn't like them much. She's been feeling pretty good. She still has a morning cough thing going but all in all she's good.

Vacation is around the corner. Mid summer hurry up lol.

Work is work and that is for another day.

Rants and some pictures :)

I have so many thought bubbles I don't know which one to pop first. Lets start with the recent and work my way back.

Sundays
Sundays used to be this great day we spent as a family. Then Donalds boss asked him to start filling in on Sundays, running the department. As much as I like that he's been given this responsibility, I miss spending the day as a family.

Work
I was informed that I will most likely NOT be in toddlers next year. I always knew this was a possibility. If the new teacher this year didn't work out, I would have to let her have the toddlers back and I would move up. It's not horrible but I really, really like toddlers. Oh and I'll have the same kids I have this year hahahahaha oy vey :)

Katie
Katie caught a cold, then was diagnosed with Nasal Impetigo. We treated it and went to the specialist and she told us that Katies adenoids and tonsils were enlarged and that she may have trouble breathing at night. We have to do a sleep study then talk about surgery to have her adenoids and tonsils removed. Not really looking forward to Katie having another surgery (#3!) but I will do what I have to do to make sure she's healthy (and breathing right). Last weekend, Karlys podiatrist mentioned that we should make an appt for Katie to be seen when Karly comes back for her orthodics.

Karly
Karly was fitted for her orthodics last weekend. That was pretty painless. She'll go pick them up in a few weeks. They go inside her shoes for the foreseeable future. They will correct her flat feet and turn her left foot out (it points in). She has a hoarse cough and breathing today so I think she may of got what Katie had even though we kept them separated.

Me
I've been anxious the last week or so but if you've been reading you might understand. I used to have such a steady grasp on everything and now when one part of my nicely stacked life goes, everything seems to go and I lose it. I've taken the xanax when needed and I am still on the paxil although this is my last month. I'm going to call the dr and tell him I'm not ready to go off of it. Not sure if it's fear but I think if I still need the xanax from time to time for minor things, going off the paxil may not be the best idea.

Now for super cuteness!!

I have a girl crush ..

on Katy Perry haha .. Just thought I'd throw that out there. :)

The girls have been feeling pretty good and have been eating really good. I can't believe that they are actually eating veggies. They are eating what is served at dinner. I make simple dishes like chicken, peas and carrots and potatoes but they are eating it.

The other night I made steak with Gemelli and broccoli and they ate the whole thing. It was nice to see them eat. It's not like I want them to clean their plates. I just want them to eat what they want. They always get a treat and we base that treat on what they eat. If they eat a little, then they get a fruit. If they eat good, we'll give them a little something sweet.

I've been feeling really good. More energized and happy. I do my makeup, fix my hair daily. Those two alone are huge changes. Today I added jewelry. Everyone noticed. It was just a necklace but you get the picture. Things are going so well.

My class. I haven't said much about them lately. They are so good. Yep. My group that I was sure would make my year suck. It was teamwork. We had to pull together and make it work. It took a lot of give and take, a whole bunch of repetition, a little discipline but we've managed to work things out.

They aren't perfect and some days I wanna pull my hair out (who wouldn't some days with 14 2 year olds lol) but I love them all to pieces.

It's funny how things work out ..

Last night I decided to clean. Really clean. You know, the "pull out everything from under the bed, out of the closet, check and clean under every piece of furniture" clean. Yeah I got this idea at 7. I got the bedrooms done and even pulled out the girls area rug to throw it away. The dr thinks we should get rid of all carpets/rugs because of the girls' asthma. Thank goodness we have hard wood floors throughout the house.

Anyway when I was done with this I put the girls in bed and I went to bed to watch "Life As We Know It". Haven't seen it? You HAVE to watch it. So good. Well half way into the movie, I hear a little voice. "Mommy, can I lay in bed with you and watch your movie?". Sure why not. Well one thing led to another and we were giggling and doing our nails. It was so much fun and so natural.

After I finally got Katie to sleep (at the end of New Moon), I started thinking how different my life would of been had God answered my prayers. If you remember, I prayed for a boy or two boys and I begged and pleaded to Him not to give me two girls. Funny that at 26 weeks I found out God totally ignored me.

I can't imagine having boys now. I believe I truly got what I was meant to have. Two little girls. They love having their hair done, pretty dresses and cute shoes. They also love playing in the dirt with their favorite cars and trucks.

He knew my fears about being a mom to girls and I guess he knew better. We have a great relationship and we get closer the older they get.

In other news

Last night I broke my frickin' tooth. Well I didn't, the carrot did. Now I've known all along that I have a cavity in this tooth but I don't have dental insurance and dentists are expensive and I just kept putting it off. I'll sadly be going to see a dentist tomorrow morning, bright and early :( boo!

Sickness ..

UGH

Girls are still sick. Katie has more of a cold than anything but Karly has a fever every other day. The doctor isn't sure if we should do antibiotics or not because it seems like a virus but then it seems like it might be bacterial. She wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic but told me to hold off. Her fever went away but she has a horrible cough. The dr mentioned that the left side of her chest sounded very coarse and that her cough wasn't good.

So she has no fever but a bad cough. I have to call tomorrow to see if we start the med. I'm not sending her to school tomorrow because I have no idea if she's well or not.

A month ago I caught a cold and I haven't been able to get rid of it. It sucks big time and I'm ready to start feeling better.

However, I'm almost off the xanax. I had to take one the other day but I had gone without one for over a week.

I'm going back on a diet tomorrow. Should be loads of fun. 35 pounds is my goal but I'll take 5 :)

Something I've wanted to blog for a while ..

I've written a post like this one a few times then deleted it because, well I don't know, I was afraid it would sound like a bunch of babbling but I think I'm gonna write it and actually post it ..

Childhood.

When I was growing up I thought I had a pretty awesome childhood. Grew up in the country, on a farm. Could go anywhere my feet could take me. Long bike rides down the dirt road. Leaving home in the morning and running home at lunch to scarf down a hotdog and some kool-aid before disappearing again and coming in covered in dirt when it got dark. Eating dinner and taking a swim in the tub before getting ready for bed. Those were the days. It didn't matter that my dad obviously had something wrong with him that made him cranky all the time and my mom seemed depressed all the time.

As I got older and my mom had more kids, I had more responsibilities. I had to take care of the younger two, go to school and do my chores but life was still pretty awesome.

It wasn't until I got older (12) and my parents split and I had to decide between the two that things seemed to change. Do I want to stay with my dad and continue my life in one place or move to another place and be with my mom and siblings? In the beginning I didn't get a choice. My brothers moved in with my dad and me and my sister moved with my mom. Then my mom moved us to IOWA (hate that state) and I started wondering if I was really happy.

I rebelled and started hating everything about my life. I would watch what other people had and would hate that I didn't have it. I went to live with my dad and then ran away to live with my mom and eventually didn't live anywhere. Just stayed with whoever or whatever friends mom said I could. I managed to graduate with my grandparents help.

I moved way too far away to go to this college knowing I didn't have what it took. No car, no money, no job but what the heck right? I'd lived through this "horrible" childhood I could do anything. I tried. I failed. I went home to welcome arms. Wait. What?

I'd just left all these "horrible" people that ruined my life and they were just waiting there for my to come home when I needed to. I'd ran away from my mom and my dad in the middle of the night with just a note on my pillow each time. Never bothering to call.

Each time I ran off to do something stupid (like moving 2 hours away to live with my true love that eventually dumped me, leaving me alone in a strange place) they would just welcome me back.

I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. I was angry about everything and eventually attempted.. well we'll leave that poor lapse in judgement be. Eventually I felt better and moved back home. That's when I decided to give college another try. I did another semester and moved back home but this time I'd met this wonderful guy that went by the name Donald.

I helped my mom take care of the kids when she found out she had 25+ tumors in her uterus. I started working at a daycare (found out that I finally was really good at something) but I was still miserable.

I was only too happy when Donald asked me to come live with him. I broke my parents hearts and left my siblings to move 1100 miles away to "Live my dream" and you know what? They let me go. They wanted me to stay but they wanted me to be happy.

Now that I'm a mom I've learned a few things ..

1. My parents always did what they thought was best
2. I was a pain in the ass
3. I've always been loved
4. I did actually have an awesome childhood
5. I am all that I am because of my family
6. My parents really did know everything and I didn't know as much as I thought I did
   

When I look back now I don't see the hard times only the good. My parents tried to give us a good life even if it didn't seem like it. They did what they could with what they had and at times it wasn't very much.

Those little conversations ..

I'm sitting on the living room floor with Karly and I hear from the bathroom ..

"Mommy! I got some pee on my panties"
"Okay Katie, I'll be right there just take them off"
"But Mommy I peed on my underwear"
"I know Katie, I'll be right there"
"But Mommy they are wet and I pooped in my pajamas"

She then comes running in the room with her pants around her ankles.

"Mommy, I peed in my underwear and pooped in my pajamas."
"Katie, get back in the bathroom"
"But Mommy, I got poop on my finger."

Yeah .. lol