WE had a check up yesterday and today. On Tuesday, I noticed that I didn't feel the same and that a baby felt to be really really low. Later that night, I started having pains in the right side of my belly and it was increasingly difficult to breath. I called the on call dr and as I was explaining the pain I said "It's almost like a baby dropped really low". After saying that, she agreed that that might be what the pain is. Yesterday, we found out that not only had baby A dropped, she really dropped. Her heartbeat is at the very bottom of my belly. She is so low that they said if I don't have them before I next growth scan, they may not be able to measure her correctly. Baby B is stil in the same spot. I think she is more comfy than A is. Today, the dr did the GBS (group b strep test). I didn't like it very much. Although I'm not one for having a q tip enter both my *private holes* (so sorry). It was quick though. She said that she thought I would deliver next week so better to have the test done today. Next week?! Everything seems to be going great. I also found that I actually do have contractions, just didn't know what they were. I was telling her about this hardening of my belly and I can't breath but that there is no "wave" or "rolling" sensation. She corrected me and told me that if my belly gets really hard, it's a contraction. I'm supposed to time them from now on. That's my update for this week.
In other news....I've always been the one that had the witty comment as soon as the person the comment was meant for had already left the room. I find that although I can think something, I am unable to get it out. So I sit there and say it to myself. I realize that it's the same with my blog. I sit down, sign on and write the header. So many things to say, to write. It's just that it doesn't come out. I can never get any emotions or feelings out, so they stay inside. Today I decided that I am going to try really hard to get some of those feelings out.
This morning I woke up in such a panic. The panic had to do with my in-laws. I won't go into all the irrational thoughts I had but I wonder, when the time comes, will I react in the way I always do, or will I say what's on my mind? I've waited for so long to be a mommy and it seems that she is doing all SHE can to BE the mommy. It hit me this morning that when I went out and bought the crib bedding, she said "Oh I was going to buy that." My husband mentioned that when we go out and buy clothing and show her, the next day she goes out and buys clothing and with this whole cradle problem we had, I realized this morning that she bought the bedding (although I knew already) it seems she bought the cradle to buy the bedding that she didn't get to buy for the crib. She even wants to buy sippy cups. Sippy cups! They haven't even had a bottle yet. I made myself sick this morning with worry. It doesn't help that I overheard her tell my neighbor that she wants to take care of them by herself. Why? I'm not even going back to work? So now I'm debating on what I should do. Keep the peace by keeping my mouth shut or break it and say what's on my mind. My therapist says I should say it. The thing is though, if it's just me, I don't and won't stand up for myself. I think when it comes to my babies and my "territory" I won't even think about it, I'll just do it.
I'm exhausted and hot so I think I'm going to take a nap. Enjoy the day!