Thursday, June 26, 2008

35 weeks and 4 days...

WE had a check up yesterday and today. On Tuesday, I noticed that I didn't feel the same and that a baby felt to be really really low. Later that night, I started having pains in the right side of my belly and it was increasingly difficult to breath. I called the on call dr and as I was explaining the pain I said "It's almost like a baby dropped really low". After saying that, she agreed that that might be what the pain is. Yesterday, we found out that not only had baby A dropped, she really dropped. Her heartbeat is at the very bottom of my belly. She is so low that they said if I don't have them before I next growth scan, they may not be able to measure her correctly. Baby B is stil in the same spot. I think she is more comfy than A is. Today, the dr did the GBS (group b strep test). I didn't like it very much. Although I'm not one for having a q tip enter both my *private holes* (so sorry). It was quick though. She said that she thought I would deliver next week so better to have the test done today. Next week?! Everything seems to be going great. I also found that I actually do have contractions, just didn't know what they were. I was telling her about this hardening of my belly and I can't breath but that there is no "wave" or "rolling" sensation. She corrected me and told me that if my belly gets really hard, it's a contraction. I'm supposed to time them from now on. That's my update for this week.

In other news....I've always been the one that had the witty comment as soon as the person the comment was meant for had already left the room. I find that although I can think something, I am unable to get it out. So I sit there and say it to myself. I realize that it's the same with my blog. I sit down, sign on and write the header. So many things to say, to write. It's just that it doesn't come out. I can never get any emotions or feelings out, so they stay inside. Today I decided that I am going to try really hard to get some of those feelings out.

This morning I woke up in such a panic. The panic had to do with my in-laws. I won't go into all the irrational thoughts I had but I wonder, when the time comes, will I react in the way I always do, or will I say what's on my mind? I've waited for so long to be a mommy and it seems that she is doing all SHE can to BE the mommy. It hit me this morning that when I went out and bought the crib bedding, she said "Oh I was going to buy that." My husband mentioned that when we go out and buy clothing and show her, the next day she goes out and buys clothing and with this whole cradle problem we had, I realized this morning that she bought the bedding (although I knew already) it seems she bought the cradle to buy the bedding that she didn't get to buy for the crib. She even wants to buy sippy cups. Sippy cups! They haven't even had a bottle yet. I made myself sick this morning with worry. It doesn't help that I overheard her tell my neighbor that she wants to take care of them by herself. Why? I'm not even going back to work? So now I'm debating on what I should do. Keep the peace by keeping my mouth shut or break it and say what's on my mind. My therapist says I should say it. The thing is though, if it's just me, I don't and won't stand up for myself. I think when it comes to my babies and my "territory" I won't even think about it, I'll just do it.

I'm exhausted and hot so I think I'm going to take a nap. Enjoy the day!

4 comments:

Tracy said...

Sorry you are going through that. I have a similar challenge, buy my MIL lives a long way away, so it's not that bad. How close is yours?

At the end of the day, you ARE the mommy...and you have final say.

Patty H. said...

I agree with Tracy, you are the mommy at the end of the day. She already had her kids, she has no right to try to mother yours. You are the one walking around with two complete baby girls inside you, not her, so therefore you get to and say and act however you want because they're YOURS (and your hub's). I really hope you can stand up for yourself, in the future it will set a better example for your girls than if you stand by while she acts like a maniac.

And I know your DH sometimes reads this, so I would just like to say: Tina's Husband: I'm sorry. Your mom sounds like a looney person and that isn't your fault, but you better STEP UP and stop letting your very pregnant wife stress about how awful your mom is being. Tina has wanted to be a mom for a long time, your mother should not be allowed to jump in and interfere with your wife finally getting her dream.

That's all. *steps off soapbox*

Sandi said...

My mother was the same way with my first. It was weird, like she was trying to make up for something that went wrong with her kids by taking over mine. He is 9 now, and while they are VERY close, he and I are peas in a pod. I did stand up for him, and have many times throughout the years (because the problem seems to be a cycle - it rears its ugly head every once in a while and we have to re-cover the issue).

Chin up, girlie! Things do get better.

Michele said...

Tina,

I wih I found your blog eariler in our pregnancies. I am 31 weeks 5 days with fraternal twin boys convieved through IVF w/ICSI.

I am also a teacher, lived in northern NJ, married to my soulmate, and my MIL is a clone to yours.

Hope your feeling well. I know how this journey feels and how we can feel SO alone. And so helpless, yet responsible for two little lives.

Looking forward to creating a friendship with you.
Michele