This is my blog, where I can write how I feel. So, how do I feel today? Not very good. Last night we found out we had a mouse in the room the girls spend their day. Not good. Instead of being able to deal with that, Katherine had to take that time to scream her head off instead of going to sleep. After about an hour of dealing with that, I looked at her and in a very firm voice said "Katherine, Stop." She whimpered a bit and then stopped. Not because I told her too but because she had finally exhausted herself. She cried off and on before finally falling asleep. We still have a mouse. Right now, Katie is sleeping on my body pillow in the bedroom. Not the safest way to sleep but the only way she would. So I've been checking on her every few minutes. This morning, she cried and cried and cried. I ignored her for the most part because there is nothing I can do for her. Karly gets ignored all the time. This morning, I loved on Karly, who didn't get anything last night because of Katie.
I love them both to pieces and it hurts when I feel like a bad mom. Once they wake up from their nap my hubby will be home and we can cuddle together as a family and hopefully there will be no screaming.
It's also raining. It's dreary and these are good book and nap days but when you have a baby, there are no more book and nap days. Do I regret my girls? Not in the least but I've started to miss a part of me that doesn't exist anymore. The girl who loved to read and go out with friends, the girl that loved to work and go to the movies. Things I don't see myself enjoying anymore.
That being said, I am going back to work in 5 weeks and I'm scared as hell to do so. What do I do if my girls need me? What if they cry for me? Won't I be getting something I wanted back? A part of me? But it's a part of me without my girls.
Oh I don't know..today is not a good day.................