Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Okay...

The girls got their shots yesterday. When we went in, they were weighed and measured.

Katherine:

11 pounds, 5 ounces

23 inches long

60 percentile

Karly:

10 pounds, 9 ounces

22.5 inches long

50 percentile

Katherine got her shots first. I layed her on the table and she looked at me and smiled. I placed her paci in her mouth and put my hands on her. When they stuck the first needle in, her eyes got really wide, you could tell she was completely surprised. When the second one went in, she started screaming. It was over though so I go to pick her up and hold her immediatly. She cried for about a minute and then held on to me. I felt so bad.

Karly got her shots second. While I was calming Katherine. Donald didn't get to put the paci in because she was enjoying her sugary rotavirus when they started sticking her. He said her face got red and she started screaming. Donald picked her up and gave her her ducky (paci).

Both were calm and ready for tylenol when we left the office but that was when we realized that we had forgotten the diaper bag in the foyer at home! We had a ton of errands to run but needed the tylenol. We ran home (well drove), grabbed the bag, dosed the babies and continued on our day. The girls were very sleepy. They didn't cry to much and last night, they layed in bed with me and fell asleep. They slept until 5 this morning and woke up for a bottle. Then we slept until 9.

Today I had a therapy appointment. I have poor self esteem and today I wanted to talk about my fear of passing it to my daughters. I've always believed that children (esp girls) need to be told how beautiful and smart they are daily. I've always done so in my classroom. I do so with my girls now. I tell them every morning how wonderful they are. Now comes my shallowness. I've never liked myself. I've been overweight for the last several years and even before I hated myself.

I don't want my girls to have my weight problem but how do you control it without them knowing it and causing poor self esteem? My theory, was to teach them how to eat from the beginning. Telling them they have to do a physical activity. They can do anything they chose but it must be physical. When my therapist was holding Katherine, I was telling her about how I worried that Katherine would be the one I worry about weight wise. Shes going to be big boned, you can tell when you hold her. Shes very stocky and the women in my family are all stocky. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful! However, this is what I worry about. Karly is so tiny, even though her weight is normal. She's just tiny. I joke that she will be my cheerleader and Katherine will be my soccer player. Okay now that I feel like a horrible mother....

But my fears are my fears. My therapist was able to talk me over the ridiculous anxieties and panic that I fear. I fear various things and although they may seem far fetched to some, they are realistic to me.

I last blogged that I was afraid of SIDS. We talked about that as well. She said worrying won't make it not happen, so why make myself sick. She gave me the same advice when I was going through our third IVF. She said "Think positive. Once the embryos are in, think yourself pregnant. What's the worse that could happen? You find out it didn't work? You'll be heartbroken but you will pick yourself up and continue." That got me through and the day I found out I was pregnant, I can't even begin to explain the relief I felt!

At the end of the day, I have two beautiful girls sleeping in the crib at the end of my bed. Dreaming of angels and who knows what else. A year ago tomorrow, I was preparing for IVF # 3 and would be starting stims in 20 days. What a difference a year makes.

4 comments:

Cassie said...

You are very, very blessed. And you're right: your fears are your fears, which makes them valid. That doesn't make you a horrible mother. These are things that all parents think about, certainly: How can I make sure my children don't go through what I went through? How can I ensure they live happy, healthy lives? I think going to your therapist and being proactive was very healthy. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: You've got it together. You are a wonderful mother, there is no question in my mind.

I'm so glad they did all right with the shots!

Patty H. said...

I also have low self esteem and I worry about passing it on to my children someday. Some things I think may help are not forcing them into a physical activity, but when they are too young to chose, enrolling them in a big variety so that when they are older they know what they enjoy. Also, eating right from day 1 is important, something my mother never once taught me. I think that as long as you never berate yourself or let them know that you feel unattractive, they will never know and are more likely to be positive.

But what do I know-I don't have kids!
Maybe you can also do some research on how to promote healthy self images.

You're doing great, Tina. Take life one day at a time.

Valerie said...

I have the same fear of SIDS. I'm sure every mother has it. It's hard to get past it sometimes and go to sleep myself. I keep thinking that once they get to a year old I can relax but I'm sure I'll pick something else to worry about then. All I can do is take each day as a blessing and be happy with everything I have today. :)

Sandi said...

My daughters got their shots yesterday. They've slept and felt pretty miserable since. I hate it!