Offically 32 weeks..

tomorrow :). 32 weeks was a goal I set for us a few weeks ago. Now my new goal is 34. It is getting harder though. The weight feels tremendous. Okay enough whining.

Today I packed our hospital bag!! Here's what it includes:

• Pajamas
• socks
• slippers
• undies
• bras
• bottled water
• snacks
• the girls coming home outfits
• girls socks, mittens and hats
• my coming home outfit ie gauchos and top
• pillows, boppy
• toiletries
• Camera, video and digital
• list of names to call

I think that is all. I hope that is all :). Leave any suggestions in a comment, I'll appreciate it. Packing almost brought me to tears but it was great! I can't wait.

U/S today!!

Let me tell you about my u/s. It was amazing to see my little girls again. How I missed it and it's only been 3 weeks. We go in and I undress and lay on the table. She checks my cervix, not over 4 cm anymore, but it was like 3.7 cm so that is still good. No changes with pressure so all is good. This was my last cervical scan...yikes!

She checks baby A first. A is head down, still, and we got to see her hands, her elbows and her legs. So cute. She measured her belly, I loved it. It was hard to see her profile because she's in my cervix. She weighs 3 pounds 8 ounces and is in the 36th percentile. (as a singleton)

She checks baby B. B has her head around my belly button area. We saw her chest going in and out, she was breathing!! It was amazing to see. We saw so much of her face. She's just beautiful :). She also measures 3 pounds 8 ounces. Again, 36th percentile. (as a singleton)

Although I don't have a cervical scan anymore, I am now going for something called a Biophysical Profile. It sounds really neat. I will have one a week for 3 weeks and then have another growth scan. I get to see my girls every wednesday!! I'm so happy :).

That was my day. We stopped at Target, did some shopping and then left because my feet started swelling again. Today stayed pretty cool so swelling wasn't as much of a problem as it has been.

A morning for me :)

First, thank you to all who supported my worries yesterday. I still don't know what to do about the whole thing but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

This morning I treated my huge ogre feet and swollen hands to a mani/pedi :). It was nice. I chose a nice blue color! A little wierd for me but I love it. I hadn't been to the place in awhile, well since I was about 10 weeks or so and the guy that used to do my nails saw me and smiled and said "Hows it going?" It was nice to see him because he lived in Missouri for awhile and went to school there (in the town my dad lives in) so we would talk about my home state while he did my nails. He's a younger boy..probably 23. It was nice to be remembered :).

My hubby works until 2 today so I've basically just kicked back and enjoyed the beautiful weather. We are having a cook out later. Maybe even set up the patio equitment. Although, I've set it up twice only to have to put it back because of the rain. I will probably clean out the car too.

On a funny note, my shirts no longer go over my belly. With less than 6 weeks to go, I probably won't be buying anymore. People will just have to look at my belly :).

On a sad note, my uncle Jr. who has always been my favorite uncle, was dx with a large brain tumor. This scares me so much. I can't imagine him ill. We are praying that the tumor is benign.

I wish everyone a Happy Memorial Day. May we remember all those loved and lost, and served for a better for life for all of us.

Worries..

So things are beginning to worry me some. Things that are out of my hands and I can really do nothing about because people will do as they wish. There will be no respect to me or my wishes because they are viewed as selfish, when really, I'm just trying to help and let people know how it will be.

My wishes for delivery are simple. Nobody come until called or wait until the 6 pm visiting hours. I figure that babies, if they come as scheduled, will arrive around 10 am, maybe earlier, but we'll say 10.

• 10:45 c-section complete, I may/may not get to see the babies.
• 11:00 hubby leaves for nursery/nicu with babies for their baths, checkups etc..
• 12:30-1:00 I get out of recovery to my own room. Still haven't seen/held/touched my babies.
• 1:00 visiting hours start. People come in expecting to hold/see babies and I still haven't had any bonding time.
• 4:00 everyone has to leave. Visiting hours over..finally get time with my babies.

So if they day happens like this, I won't be bonding with my babies until everyone else does.

The problem is, is that people want to show up and wait until they are born and sit in the waiting room. How am I supposed to enjoy this expierence knowing there are people waiting to get in? Am I going to be able to relax and try breastfeeding the little ones knowing that the clock is ticking to get the visitors in and out? I'm stressed even thinking about it. The next visiting hours are from 6-8. I figure more people will show up after work. The whole thing stresses me out and we can hope for perfect timing, that by 1, we've bonded as a family, both babies are fine and we are ready to except visitors at 1, but I can't promise. But since no one wants to do it my way, I guess my only option is to not care what they are doing and if they chose not do follow my wishes or adhere to my concerns, then they can sit there. I know nurses don't let visitors in until the mother is ready. So that's the way it's going to happen. Still it stresses me.

Almost 31 weeks..

48 freakin' days to go. Wow! It doesn't seem like a long time. In fact, it's right there. BUT, I'm starting to feel miserable. Yesterday I went shopping for the babies. We went to babies r us to return some items and then we bought some things we needed. The items we returned added up to $156.00. We bought bottles (the drop in kind), extra nipples, pacis, sleepsacks, hangers and a very cute diaper bag and then we stopped because at home we still have cash that someone gave us for the babies and gift cards so when our registry closes and we get a coupon we will have $220 to finish getting what we need. So anyway, I went to babies r us, toys r us (just to look), IHOP (to eat), FedEx, AT&T, and then to Walmart. I was so miserable at walmart I couldn't remember what I went there for. We ended up forgetting everything. Once I got home the misery started. I couldn't get comfy, couldn't relax, was so freaking exhausted I couldn't stand it. And at some point I thought, Can't I give birth now? It's amazing what a good night's rest can do because I'm not ready to have these babies yet :). I'm not feeling to good this morning either. I'm sick to my stomach and I think i'm going back to bed. On the bright side, I'm waiting for my BRU coupon to come. Yesterday, I called headquarters, lol, and I explained to her that although my original due date is July 27th, the dr said they won't make it past July 9th, if that far. I said that since we are having twins, I'd like to get as much stuff as possible and was it possible for my to close the registry and get my coupon earlier. She was very nice and changed my due date to June5th which would mean the coupon would get here around the 3rd of june so I could quickly get the last remaining purchases and be ready for baby. We started chatting and I said that the 10% would help, expecially since we are having two and she "Does your registry say you are having two?" I said yes and she said I should recieve a coupon of 10% for each baby and if it didn't come, then call to get the second one. Cool! We about $250.00 worth of stuff to purchase still and that doesn't count the breastpump. So excited!

Vents...

Thank you T-Girl for the Kind Blogger Award. I've never recieved one before. Thank you again. Congrats on your baby girl and I'm glad you are recovering nicely.

There are a few things on my mind today. One being the fact that when I give birth, I will have no family downstairs waiting for the announcement. My mom has decided that she doesn't want to come and wants to wait until we come down there. My sister has said that she and her fiance' want to go on vacation and stop by to see us, but that would require me having the babies on an exact date. So she won't be there. My dad never leaves the house, much less the state and my brothers? Well one is so self involved with his 10 year younger girlfriend to make an effort and the other, he joined the national guard and will be leaving shortly before they are due. That leaves my grandparents, uncles and aunts and my baby sister (11) who are either too old or too young to travel.

Second, why do I have to drag my two infants home so they can visit when it would be easier and healthier for them to come her and visit? They don't have to come the same week, but they could spread it out, come in car pools and share the cost. I wouldn't mine traveling the 1100 miles back home, if the dr approves, and staying put while everyone drives from their respective homes to see me, but that doesn't happen either. I have to travel to see everyone. I have to drive the half hour to my mom's house and then the hour to my dads. I have to drive the 40 minutes to see my other grandma (which I don't mind because she 81) but everyone else knows where I stay. I always stay in the same place. Why can't they come visit me? I'm thinking of making this known before I come home. "Because I've driven 1100 miles, I have two newborns, and am tired and gas cost a lot, please come visit me anytime at grandma's house". I think it's only fair.

Third, I never complain about my husband here because I never have reason to but last night he just, ohhh, he made me mad. Since I got pregnant and have only been able to sleep on my sides, my back and shoulders started hurting. They hurt all the time. Kind of like a knife in my back. My arms feels like they are spasming and my hands are swollen and numb most of the time. Last night, the pain was to much. I started crying. His reaction was I was overreacting. Which made me cry more, but he still didn't seem to care. Finally he said he was going to bed. I had already tried but the pain kept creeping in my mind and it's getting to much to ignore. I said I was going to sleep on the couch, in a sitting position and he acted like I'd killed someone, couldn't be in the same room with me, so he walked out. A little bit later, I went to bed because hey, maybe he's right. When I layed down, I started crying again because it hurt a lot. He rolled over and apologized and rubbed my back for a little while until I relaxed enough to sleep. Does it still hurt? Yes and the tips of my fingers are still numb. Am I still mad at his treatment of me? Yes, even though he apologized.

Fourth would be the dr's. I have asked my primary doctor, my old ob and my new ob and nobody seems to care that I am in a lot of pain. The primary said it might be nerve damage caused by my swelling but until I give birth there is no test and no treatment to help me. I could see a chriopractor but that wouldn't help either because he couldn't run any test either. The old OB told me there was nothing to do, it would pass. The new OB said it was probably carpal tunnel induced by the pregnancy and it would go away after I give birth. The pain and numbness increased daily and I'm afraid any damage is going to be permenant by the time I give birth and no one wants to help me.

Fifth, the damn fridge is still broken. They still haven't shipped the part and it still isn't here. Now dammit, I haven't had milk in days. I need milk. Now is not the time to start depriving myself of healthy foods and since everything has to be refridgerated, buying some while the fridge is broken, isn't smart. I did buy a milk chug yesterday and got orange juice from mcdonalds but I don't think it's enough. I asked my hubby to please bring home a single serving of milk, I just have to wait until 3 to get it.

Okay enough whinning. This is the longest post I've had in awhile :). Even though I sound miserable I am still blessed to be wonderfully pregnant and I love the feeling to them moving and kicking and growing in my belly. It's an expeirence that is all mine and something just the three of us share. I love it.

Last, I would like to pass the Kind Blogger Award on to some of my faithful readers :). Thank you for your support and kind words through your comments. They mean a lot.

• Ariella, congrats on your pregnancy. I am so happy for you.
• Patty, you always leave a comment. I love it and I enjoy reading your blog.
• Kristen, I hope this summer, your dreams become a reality. You deserve it!
• Jody, I love reading your blogs. It gives me so much insight on what to expect!

Thank you so much ladies for all your support!

30 weeks baby!!!!

I'm 30 weeks! According to the dr's I have about 7 weeks to go! I am so relieved to of made it to this point. I want to make it to 37 weeks, but I'm okay now. There isn't much going on. I still have cramping, sometimes bad but it goes away and still no contractions Yay!. This is my second week of maternity leave and I'm getting used to it. It took awhile to get work out of my system lol. I do light housework but mainly just piddle with baby stuff. The fridge is still broken so I have to go out everyday for breakfast. It's kind of annoying. Speaking of which I should get dressed. We are starving.

Not a good day....

So this morning, the fridge breaks, milk is spoiled I eat some toast, fight with dh and I don't say bye to him when he leaves for work.

10:00 call dr office tell them I'm still cramping and unsure what it is. They tell me to come in. I leave for appointment, dh wants to come. Realize halfway there I forgot my insurance card. Get there they can't find heartbeats. Did an FFN, sent me and FFN to hospital.

12:00 At hospital. Hooked up to monitors. The run FFN test. Babies hearts beating beautifully. No contractions. Still cramping. Urine showed some traces of blood. Possible UTI. Running urine to lab. 1:00 told dr was in surgery but would be in in about an hour. 3:00 getting ansy..still no dr. No contractions but still hurting/cramping. Very uncomfortable being on my back for so long. Starving because I still only had toast and getting quiet cranky. 3:30, lost heartbeats. Found again, but can't get a lock on them. Assumed they were fine. 4:00 yelled at nurse about dr still not being there. Still hungry, still cramping, backside getting numb from being stuck on it. Very cranky. Dr comes in around 5ish. Does an internal says he feels something like a head trying to push her way through. Baby A is stretching cervix but being the cervix is closed and long, FFN is negitive and I'm not having contractions all is fine and I can go home.

Home, Killer headache and ready for bed. Tomorrow I am scheduled for a prenatal massage! I can't wait :)

It's been a busy day...

Day 2 of maternity leave :).

I started the day by making breakfast for hubby and I. I did my nebulizer treatment (which is what the dr said I needed for my coughing) and then watched some tv. Then I got that cleaning bug. I wanted to get as much done as I could today, so I unmade the crib, added the mattress protectors, remade the crib and started washing baby clothing. I did 3 loads of baby clothes and hung/folded them and put them away. We put both papasan chairs together and I went through more of the baby stuff we got. My hubby went through all his books and junk and we are getting there. Then we out, ate, did some shopping, came home and finished what we had started this morning. It's been a long day.

The babies are reacting to the nebulizer. About 20 minutes after I use it, I get the nervousness. I start shaking a bit but the babies are too funny. They start jumping and turning and rolling around. They kicked repeatedly and I loved it. I know albuterol is a stimulant/steroid but the dr said it was okay. I have to do the treatments every 6 hours, it's seems a bit much but I only do it twice a day. I still have fears of using meds like that.

My next appointment is next wednesday and all it is is a heartbeat/weight/vital check. My next growth scan is for 2 weeks from tomorrow. It still seems so far off.

Today I have also been a little upset. My friend who threw the shower for me told me that my MIL had arrived early to the shower. As she sat there, she started telling them that I was a cold person and no matter how much she tried to be nice, I wasn't nice back, then started on how wonderful my hubby is. Why would you go to someones shower and talk bad about the person the shower was for? It doesn't make sense. So I thought it didn't matter. I know she doesn't like me and she isn't nice to me. She is actually somewhat of bitch. She told me that she wanted her son to marry his ex and she admitted to me that she doesn't like me but denied it when I told my hubby. I am always nice to her but lately (since I've found out) she's been getting a very COLD shoulder from me. She will continue to until I've decided to confront her, or let it roll. I really don't care anymore. But the way I see it, Since I'm always cold, there shouldn't really be any difference in my behavior. Correct? If she notices my cold behavior, then I guess I'm not as cold as she says I am. We'll see.

First day of maternity....

I'm starting the day off waiting for my Dr's office to open so I can go in. My asthma has decided it needs to act up now. Doesn't it know I need oxygen for 3 and I'm not getting enough for one? I have a nebulizer but I need meds for it. I don't understand, it's not cold outside, I mean it's chilly but not enough to upset my asthma. So that's how I'm spending my first day of maternity leave.

I woke up at 830 this morning and started laundry. I think I'm going to start writing thank yous and clean up a bit.

Had my baby shower!

Okay. So. Two months ago I was invited to a "Cinco de Mayo" party. It was to be delayed a week, so it would be on May 10th. I get ready yesterday and drive, with my hubby, to my friends house. We were told the party starts at 3, but I always arrive early when they throw a party. My darn hubby wouldn't get out of the car. It was only 2:55. When I dragged him out of the car and walked in, all my friends were there. They shouted "Surprise!" It was a great day!!

We recieved lots of stuff. The older ladies at work knitted me baby blankets and pillows, I got blankets, tummy mats, play gyms, high chairs, bathtub, money, gift cards, and lots and lots of clothes. I got so much more but its all the basic teething rings/toys/bottles. It was a great time!

My dear husband has known about this for 4 month. He did a great job hiding it :)

Hi all...

First, if you read this blog and you don't see your name over in "blogs I read" section, can you drop a comment so I can link to yours and read yours as well. I've been trying to get my list back, not sure what happen to it..okay.

Okay so tomorrow is 29 weeks. Yesterday was last day of work. This morning I started more chores of laundry, dusting and tossing things I don't need. I'm slow at getting them done though because I've come down with some nasty cough that has made my stomach and back sore. It's just a dry hacking cough..probably allergies..but nothing helps. I have asthma so that doesn't help much. Anyway, I noticed in all my cleaning, that there is dust on the back rail of the crib. Dust already? I didn't think about the house behind ours is tearing down and rebuilding their deck and I've been leaving the windows open because of the nice weather so now I need to rewash and clean the crib.

My feelings about work are becoming mixed. When my boss asked me if I was coming back, I said probably. Probably! What?! I don't know why I would be going back but for some reason I need to have the option open. I need to know there is somewhere for me to go. I don't know why but I do. Nobody thinks I'm coming back, nobody. I don't get it. I guess we'll see.

Update on my babies..

We went for an OB appointment and then a growth scan. They now weigh 2lbs 10oz and 2lbs and 8oz, so they are growing good. They've gained almost a pound in three weeks. I got to see A breathing by watching her diaphram. So amazing! The dr said I am doing well as well and Friday is offically my last day of work. She said it was time because technically when compared to a woman with one baby, I am full term :). Of course I still have two months to go.

"A Barn With Legs"

Hahaha....no joke.. I really feel that way. I was reading my 28 week rundown at babygaga.com and that was the first sentence. Today I'm feeling somewhat uncomfortable. We went out today and went to Babies R Us. We looked at bottles, clothes and books. We finally bought our babies record books and they are adorable. Afterwards we went to a roadside cafe for sandwiches and fries and now I'm home..ugh. I think I need a nap, although for the first time in a long time I slept until 10 this morning. I never sleep later than when the sun comes up but it was nice.

My belly shot of 28 weeks..

Our goal is 37 weeks and 3 days. That is 2 months and 6 days away. How exciting!

Here is my dh talking to the girls lol. I love him :). Anyway I was able to get a lot of work done yesterday once I got some motivation. I scrubbed in corners and behind stuff. I have to tell you, do this when you're smaller don't wait til you're the size of a barn. It gets really really hard. My next appointment is Wednesday and my last day at work is Friday. My boss changed who my assistant is going to be so that makes me happy and I actually like her. Things will be fine. I am going to miss my class and friends though, at least until they are forgotten and replaced by two baby girls :).

My house is a disaster!!

I seriously have no get up and go on the weekends. I am really tired of looking at my living room. It's a mess. The bedroom is okay because we are constantly getting things ready for baby but the living area needs to be boomed and started from scratch. I have so much stuff to go to the basement and my hubby needs to do it and he isn't and its driving me nuts.

I have one week of work left then I will be cleaning constantly. I need to get on the ball. Next week is week 29 then after that, it's a downhill coast to 37 weeks ( i hope). I need to get motivated....

I want next wednesday...

Wednesday is my next growth scan. I want to know how big they are getting. 3 weeks is a long time to wait. I just saw them last week so I know they are fine and they kick regularly but I want to know they are gaining weight.

I'm really happy I have a set day to not work again. Next Friday is my last day and thats a good thing because I am sooo tired after 3. The last two hours are torture. I hate it. I found out who my replacement will be and it's a good one. She used to teach 7th grade but now will be with my 2-3 year olds. I think it's a funny switch, but to each their own. She seems really nice and my assistant likes her. I had originally thought my assistant would be taking over but I had to break the news to her that she won't be. It really really sucks.

I keep getting that "Are you coming back" question. In my heart I know I won't be coming back and that I will be a sahm, but my mind won't let me jinx anything by giving notice that I won't be coming back. If anything does go wrong, please God forbid that, I will need something to do. I've worked for 7 years to get the pay that I get and the position and relationships that I have and it's not easy to end that. So for the time being, even though I keep getting "You would come back after all you did to have them?", I am coming back after my 8 weeks. But I will be giving a months notice if I don't. What did boss say? "Fair Enough".