Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Lets start by saying that becoming a mommy is even better than I could of imagined. I love motherhood and everything it entails. In the last week and a half, I've been peed on, pooped on and vomited on. I'm feeling run down but only because I'm so eager to do for my babies that I'm ignoring my own needs, and I think I'm coming down with something. Today I'm feverish, sleepy and achy. I'm starting antibiotics tonight to make sure that there is nothing brewing.
Now onto the babies :)
Katherine Emily (Katie). We named her after my grandma and my mother in law. She is a beautiful, alert baby. She doesn't cry much but she does this squeaky thing that has earned her the nickname "Squeaky". She shows a lot of expressions through her eyes and looks like my dh. Of course, her eyes are blue so I won't know the true color for sometime. She's our little princess. A definate daddy's girl.
Karly Elizabeth. We named her after her daddy. She's a lot smaller, so mommy holds her a lot. Daddy's afraid he might hurt her. She is more of mommy's baby because of that, although they are both very much mine. She likes to curl under my chin and pull her body up. We call her "Turtle". She is very alert during the middle of the day/evening but sleepy the rest of the time. She is going to be out tomboy. She doesn't like any of the cute things mommy tried to put her in. She is a crier if she wants to cuddle or her paci and it isn't happening.
Over all, we are very happy. Daddy is doing a wonderful job. Today I had to run to the dr for an emergency with my incision and he stayed with them. When I came back, all three were sane, Karly was sleepy and Katie was eating. It was so never racking leaving them and I cried leaving the house. Daddy also gets up during the night when they cry. They get up to eat around 1 and again at 5, then sometime in the morning (9-11) they get up for the rest of the day (with catnaps). Things are very good.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I've tried 3 times to post this but as you can assume, I've been interupted.
Monday morning I woke up at 6, made sure some last minute home details were finished and crawled back into bed. My plan was to wake up at 9, shower and then leave for the hospital about 1015. First off, I overslept. My phone rang at 930 and I answered it. It was the hospital asking me to be there as soon as I could because they had an opening and could do the c section when I got there. I had to skip the shower, we dressed, grabbed our bags and ran out.
When I got there, we got hooked up to IV's and monitors, talked to the doctors and got ready to go into the OR.
Once I got to the OR, they set up the spinal and layed me down. Everything is seeming good. I was so excited for the moment that I forgot one teeny tiny detail of my personality. I'm extremely claustraphobic and I have an anxiety disorder. Once I couldn't move, my worst fears came too. Not being able to move. I started hyperventilating. I couldn't think clearly anymore and was becoming very upset. The dr's told me to calm down and relax. That didn't help. Then they came in with tape and started putting tape from my stomach to my shoulders, then taping it to the table. The next thing I know I started screaming that I didnt' want to do this anymore and I couldn't go through this with this. The dr's told me to calm down or they were going to put a tube down my throat and put me to sleep, that my dh would not be allowed in the room and I would miss the birth. This upset me more. A nurse stepped in and said "get her husband, he will help her". My dh came in and told me to close my eyes and relax. It helped. I was able to calm down and they started the c section.
Baby A (Katie) was born at 12:39 pm. She was stuck, so they vacumned her out. She has a bruise but the swelling has gone down a lot. At 12:44, Baby B (Karly) was born. She was extremly difficult to get out. The dr put the mirror over me so I could watch her come out. I looked when they said "and here's B" but all I saw was a very pale, limp body laying on my stomach and drs trying to pull out her head. They pulled the mirror away and said she was stuck as well. The sight was so upsetting and I started to worry a lot. I closed my eyes, felt a lot of pushing and pulling and then the mirror was replaced and I saw her. She let out a scream and all was better. They bruised her face, well her eye, when they were pulling her out.
Both babies did great and my dh brought them over to me. After seeing them, they left and I was joined in the room with them a few hours later.
Friday, July 18, 2008
More in a few days.....
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Happy Birthday to my sweet husband that is dealing very nicely with a very clingy demanding wife :). Donald...I love you!
We changed one of the babies names yesterday and we still aren't telling, so next week sometime, it'll be announced on this blog :).
I am so ready for tomorrow!! I know I won't update for at least a week but I'm going to ask my hubby to do it sometime next week when he is home.
Take Care everyone :) and thank you so much for all the support you've given me.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Last May (as I was embarking on my first IVF) my hubby and I had chinese food. It's a ritual that when we are done, we crack open a cookie and read the silly fortune inside. Well, last May, he opened his and read it, we giggled and discussed what it would mean, then I cracked mine open and after reading it, I wanted to cry. It read:
Friday, July 11, 2008
I spoke to my boss yesterday about my coming back/not coming back and I told her that basically I need to wait until they are born because I keep yo-yoing back and forth between a love my job and the love I can imagine that I will have with my babies. I do want to work, but I want to be there to care for my babies, not everyone else's. She gave me a few scenarios (one really sounded good) and told me to wait until they are here and then let her know. That's fair I think.
I'm starving, so I'm closing.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
They all belonged to someone else.
I have developed this awful anxiety about having my own kids. I want them so bad and suffered so much to have them. So why am I freaking out? Who knows. Last night I upset myself so bad that I had indegestion..I kid you not.
I was fine. I really was. Until yesterday.
For the last few months, I've been trying to talk to my husband about our birth plan. When to except visitors, taking time to ourselves as a family, to bring the babies in recovery with me if they are well..etc. He has always blown me off with "We'll see" "Don't know" "We'll think about it" and "Maybe".
Yesterday...he comes upstairs and says that his mom is coming at 11 (when I have to be at the hosptial for prep) and she's going to stay all day. Now I start thinking "Why is he talking about our day with his mother when I can't get anything out of him?" So it set me off. We got into a huge fight and came up with a settlement. She can sit all she wants in the waiting room. I will not have visitors until I'm ready and if she wants to sit in the waiting room downstairs from 11-5 then by all means, let her. I know she has no intentions of staying downstairs and she will be upstairs about 1130 but hubby doesn't think so, so I'll let him figure that out. She is basically getting what she wants. I'm not.
The next problem is my fault. I told my hubby that I wanted him to take vacation starting the day we came home. Now that means he has to work while I'm in the hospital. He won't work the day I go in or the day I go home but he will the rest which means I won't be seeing him very much only at night. Which means I'm going to be alone most of the day. That made me a bit depressed. All my friends have jobs so I can't really say when they will be popping in and out and I have no family that will be here so I won't have any of that.
So last night I basically had anxieties about the unknown, having no control over any situation and am unable to plan anything because everyone else is in control of my day. So far I've had no say in anything. Even yelling and arguing isn't helping. I've put my foot down and got nowhere. I really have no control and for someone with an anxiety/panic disorder having no control over anything, is a bad, bad thing. I feel helpless and pretty much alone in this feeling and unless you've felt it, you have no idea. The worst part is, is that I have no more therapy appointments until after the babies are here.
So what do I do? My meds are out of the question. I gave those up to have healthy beautiful babies and I don't regret it. Relaxing is a little difficult. So I blogged the feelings, got them out and off my chest. We'll see if that helps.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Tonight my hubby and I are going to dinner at Olive Garden. I haven't been there in a long time and since his birthday is Sunday and Monday is out C/S, I doubt we will be getting out together in awhile so I am really looking foward to tonight.
Signs of labor? I'm having none. I have lost the ability to stand for more than 5 minutes without cramping and the cramping gets bad if I ignore the inital first cramp. Walking up and down the stairs is almost impossible. I realize that is has to be normal being that I am getting very close. I am kind of looking foward to making it until Monday. 38 weeks and 1 day with twins would be a great accomplishment for me.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Baby A is doing well. She was sleeping during the u/s so they were able to check her. Heartrate was perfect, blood flow through the cord was perfect and she passed the BPP. No distress there.
Baby B was concerning a bit. She's fine but over starting on Friday, she decreased her movements incredibly. Friday I think I got about 2 kicks from her, but I read that movements slow down the bigger they are. She was fine on Thursday so I didn't think anything about. Saturday, the same thing. Nothing until that night and then only a kick or two. So in my head I'm thinking "She's just in a bad spot with no room." A was moving constantly, so I also thought that maybe I was confusing the movements and they were both moving, it just felt like one. So after Sunday being the same way, I started to worry. Sunday night, I slept very little. Monday I got up, showered and left for my drs appointment. I was very short with everyone and worried about of my mind. While waiting for my dh to finish at work, I went in and got a decaf french vanilla iced coffee and drank it. We went to the dr and while sitting in the waiting room, Baby B started kicking and squirming and moving around. I was so relieved.
When I went back for my u/s, the tech asked me how I was doing and I said "better now". She asked what I meant and I told her. She gave me a speech that made me feel so bad as a mother. and it made me keep asking "What If". She also said I should of contacted my OB and told them. Then she continually complained that Baby B was too active now and she kept kicking her cord so the blood flow couldn't be measured. I said "It must of been the coffee". She then said that "IT needs to cooperate because I'm not missing lunch again". Ummm..... "She hasn't been moving in days, I'm very happy about it."
When I went home, I called my OB and told the nurse that Baby B wasn't moving over the weekend but that I thought it was because of the lack of room and should I be doing kick counts and she said that if I'm concerned I can call and that the tech was trying to make me feel guilty. She asked about how they were moving now and checked the report from the maternal fetal medicine, which she said was perfect so there was no reason I should be concerned.
So that's it.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
I have a BPP tomorrow and a doppler to check the umbilical cord blood flow and to make sure the babies overall health is staying good.
Maybe we'll have some insight to when they are coming.
As it is, we are 8 days and counting......
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Cervix was closed. She said that I was probably preparing for labor so now we'll see when it happens. I plan on taking it as easy as possible for the next week. I'm getting very excited though.
I looked up false labor tonight and this is what I read:
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
- A weighs 6 pounds 1 ounce
- B weighs 5 pounds 11 ounces
- They scored an 8 during the BPP
We have to go back twice next week to make sure they are still doing well.
Next week is my last week being pregnant. It makes me kind of sad.
Tomorrow I visit the OB and see if they think I'll make it 11 more days :). I'm kind of hoping now. How cool would it be if I gave birth in my 39th week? (okay so it would only be 1 day into my 39th week but how cool, right?)
Last night I got no sleep. First, they played grab the bladder. Everytime they hit it, it felt like splinters rushing out. I would have to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes for 2 hours! Then it was lets kick mommy in the ribs, lungs, whatever we can. Once they settled down, they got the adorable hiccups. At the same time! One felt like she was banging my tailbone every few seconds and the other was coming out the side of my stomach. I think I eventually passed out around 3 am and was up at 8. I'm exhausted. Goodnight all :).....11 more days.... I can do it..right?
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
- I'm seriously hormonal. Everything makes me tear up and most of the time causes crying. Also, the third trimester exhaustion is no joke :). I feel like I've just recovered from an illness and I feel like I have enough energy to do something but after about an hour, I'm ready for bed again.
- It's only 13, well actually about 12 since it's after 9 pm.
- We have an appointment tomorrow for another Biophysical Profile and I hope the girls are continuing to grow and are still comfy and healthy in their rather tight living conditions. I keep telling them that in two weeks, they will have a wonderfully comfortable place to live and they only have to wait 12 more days :). We decided to invite *gulp* my mother in law to the u/s tomorrow. My hubby thought it would nice for her to see the u/s, she's never seen one in person before, and who am I to deny my hubby from sharing this with his mother. I'm not sure if it's going to be the best idea but the girls are his too. Also, we need to show her where the hospital is because she doesn't know how to get there on her own. Wish us luck :).
Today was somewhat of an emotional day for me. A few weeks ago, my hubby went to the eye doctor for a vision check up. During the visit, it was found that he had too much pressure in his eyes and that was pointing to Gluacoma. Today he had a follow up and it was even worse. No blockages and no vision loss but because the pressure was even worse he was given eye drops to help. The eye drops are supposed to ease the pressure and reverse the situation. He'll have to do them forever, but he'll be able to see. I was called back to ask if he should do the eyedrops. "Of course, he needs the eye drops. I want his eyes to be okay." Why are they asking me? Unfortunatly, the eye drops will change the color of his eyes to brown. Permanently. I love the color of my husbands eyes. They are a beautiful hazel. They are him. I want our baby girls to have his eyes. What was I going to say to the dr? NO, He can't do the eye drops, give him something else that may not work? I stood by my original answer but when I got home, the tears wouldn't stop. It's just a color but I care. When husband was laying down reading, I decided to tell him how I felt and he said he would call the dr and get something else but no, I won't let him. I can't believe how much this is affecting me though. I feel silly and somewhat selfish. My husband has to continue meds during the rest of his life for a serious eye problem and all I'm doing is crying the medicine is going to turn his eyes brown.
That's been my day.