Merry Christmas!

We have a wonderful first Christmas with the little ladies. They got way to many toys and had way to much fun! Too much fun you say? Nah, Never. Actually it was so hard to put them to bed Christmas night. We didn't succeed until 10 pm and that was only because mommy and daddy said "enough" put them in bed and shut the door. We let them cry it out. They cried for about 15 heartbreaking minutes, then they went to sleep and slept all night :).

We started the day with breakfast, then opened a few presents, then took a nap. While they were napping, the adults opened gifts. I got a new glider from Katie, a cute pair of eeyore pjs from Karly and a very pretty mommy necklace from my three loves. I got a pair of pjs from the in laws.

Today, Saturday, I had a very mommy/daughter day. It was fun but hard. We got up at 6:30, had a bottle of milk and hung around until daddy went to work. Then I put the girls down for a nap while I ate and cleaned a little. When they woke up, we headed to Burlington Coat to do a little shopping. You can get some baby stuff there for WAY cheaper than BRU. After that we went to daddys work then went grocery shopping for formula.

We came home, had some lunch. Yummy oatmeal with Applesauce and a bottle. Took a short nap, had a bath then got ready for a birthday part. I did the baths by myself! There are these cute little bath beds I call them. They are a slanted piece of mesh attached to legs and it holds them in a slanted position. I put both in the tub and put the babies in the tub, scrubbed them up and got them out. I was sweating by the time we made it to the bedroom. Karly hates lotion, so she screamed while I put in to. I got her dressed and happy and watched my little Katie. Naked as a jaybird laughing and playing with feet. So precious! Anyway I lotioned her up and got her dressed.

The party was so loud. Did I mention that I took my baby girls to an 8 and a 4 year olds birthday party? There were kids everywhere. Did I mention I took them by myself?! It was crazy. The other women helped me a little bit but they had their own kids to take care of. It was busy and loud and I was very tired. My friend let me put the girls to sleep in her bedroom where I crossed my fingers and begged Karly not to do a spitting up while laying down routine. She didn't thank goodness. Did I mention I won't be doing that again? :)

Well that was my day. I'm exhausted. Time for bed :). I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!

Happy 5 Months babies!

Happy Holidays!

Make a Smilebox greeting

Sleeping beauties..

I have pretty awesome kids :)

I know I post a lot about my girls, but I'm not sure if I brag about them. I want to do that in this post.

I remember in the beginning, all Katherine did was cry. She never napped and all she did was Cry cry cry! It was crazy. She woke up crying, went to bed crying. Was never happy. Now? She cries when she is tired, hungry or poopy. That's it. It's never a screaming fit though. It's a whinny cry and we usually fix the problem immediatly and she's back to being happy. When she's tired, we lay her in her crib. She smiles at us, rolls on her side and falls asleep. She's been playing and grabbing things too. She likes to wrap her little arm around my neck, which I find so sweet but then she grabs a handful of hair and holds on. She also gives me kisses now. She opens her mouth and rubs it over my cheek. I love it.

In the beginning, all Karly did was sleep. She never stayed awake for anything. She'd fall asleep with a bottle in her mouth, go four or five hours without a bottle. She rarely cried. Once her sister started calming down, she started with the fussys too. Cry cry cry cry. (they were both going at it now). Once all that stopped, she became a baby that smiles ALL the time. You just have to look at her to get a full on, eye sparkling smile. It's beautiful. She also giggles so cute and she talks so loud. She is so full of life. She mischevous and she's probably going to get into a lot of trouble the older she gets but I love it. She loves chewing on everything...including her sister. You put her in the crib, she smiles at you, hums for a bit then sleeps all night long.

Both of my girls are pretty awesome. They are beautiful and I'm so in love with them.

20/21 week checkup!!

They got their 4 month shots yesterday. Here are the new stats!

Katherine

(She is trying very hard to sit up)

Weight: 14 pounds 1 ounce

Length: 24 1/2 inches

Karly

(Karly not trying to sit up)

Weight: 12 pounds 8 ounces

Length: 24 1/4 inches

They are doing very very well!!! I am so pleased. They are still kind of in the middle (25-50 percentile for weight and length) so I'm very happy.

If you haven't already, def watch video in the post below. :)

video for you!

my daughter karly laughing at me dh. she is so loud lol.

Tis the season...

Loving all the Christmas Music!!!
Things to blog about:

• Christmas shopping
• Girls and the day
• Why do some people do what they do?
• Going out

1. Yesterday, my dh decided that we needed to go out as a family and do some Holiday shopping. It was a very nice afternoon. (We didn't head out until 4). We went to Fortunoff and JCPenneys. We spent a lot, got some nice things for the girls. I know they don't know what's going but they need stuff so why not? Besides, between now and July they will need stuff right? After shopping, we ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise and then went to Babies R Us. There were hardly any people there and the girls were being so good until the end. In BRU, Katie wanted out of her carseat so I took her out and let her sit in the shopping cart. She did so well! I was so afraid of all the germs, so I held on to her hands so she wouldn't touch it. I was not prepared for this moment, so I didn't bring any sanitizer or the cover. Overall it was a very nice family day.

2. Today was a pretty good day. Katie and Daddy got up around 9 and went to the living room and left mommy and Karly sleeping. Karly woke up and daddy come in around 10:15 but for some reason mommy couldn't wake up. Reason: it seems that Mommy has come down with a bug. I didn't feel well at all and was so tired, even after a full nights sleep. I got up a little before 11 and made the girls bottles. (Daddy apparently didn't know they needed to eat :)) After their bottles, they played for awhile then I made them some cereal and applesauce for lunch. After that, they took a nap and I layed back. Still not feeling well. The girls didn't sleep long and it was back to work. They are getting so much bigger and I just look at them and miss those teeny tiny babies I use to have. Karly pulled herself up on her knees today and her face went into the mattress lol. It was cute. Katie coos and gahs a lot more and is getting louder. I ended up going to be at 330 and sleeping until 530 with Katie while daddy played with Karly. I really should be going to bed because I'm feeling pretty bad but I wanted to post and I still have to make bottles. So much for time management.

3. Why do people give their 7 day old cereal? I know why one parent did it. So he would sleep through the night. Well guess what...it didn't work. Now he's one very big 2 month old. I just don't get it. I have another friend who just had a baby and all she did when I called to say congrats was complain. OH she doesn't sleep, all she wanted to do was play, I'm tired....Okay I get it, the beginning is hard but wheres the "She's so pretty, so precious, so tiny, I'm in love?" Oh well.

4. I went out Friday night to my boss' house and got drunk..it was nice lol. She kept refilling my Apple Martini...oh it was soooooooooooo good. I was feeling sick to my stomach yesterday but totally worth it. I left around 7 pm, the girls did the night routine with daddy and I dont' think they missed me. I didn't even feel guilty about leaving.

I think this is all that's on my mind. Night.

Drama Drama Drama...

Okay the drama at work is driving me nuts! I don't understand where it comes from. I go in, I do my job, barely talk to anyone and it finds me. I quietly do my job and now I'm "being taken advantage of" and I don't say anything about it and now it's drama. I didn't think I was being taken advantage of and I didn't care enough about the situation to open my mouth. Doesn't that scream "leave me out of it!"? Apparently not. Oh well I guess thats what you get when you work with a bunch of women.

ON to the good stuff!!!

My beautiful chubby babies and yes, don't judge me, she is chewing on her sock (that I just took off her foot). She was holding it and as I snapped the picture she shoved it in her mouth. Good hand-eye coordination right? hehe...Anyway here are my chuck a lunks. Not that I think they are chunky (they are actually still lightweights) but they are much more chunky than the little things I gave birth to.

Here is my baby Karly. Yes her shirt is wet. She spits up and drools like crazy. Hubby probably forgot the bib or it got really wet and he took it off. She loves this toy and I am just so happy she is holding it. I find lately, that they love to pick things up and put them to their mouth. They don't always put it in their mouth, sometimes (unless it's a sock) they just lick it. This toy makes music whenever it's moved so it plays alot. She is also rolling over. Not sure if I've blogged this yet. She rolled over a few weeks ago and I think it scared her so she doesn't do it unless she's really upset and I make her stay on her tummy until she does.....mean mommy :).

Katherine is rolling over too. It's almost impossible to get her to lay on her tummy now. It's so cute. She loves her horn. I love this photo because of the reflection of her little eye. She is actually watching tv. Probably Wonder Pets or Yo Gabba Gabba. We keep noggin on for the songs and noise (we use cds too) but she's started looking at the tv more so I may have to buy the music cds of the shows and play them. I love Laurie Berkner and she sings alot on Jacks big music show.

They SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT!
Oh how wonderful is that. Last night we slept from 830 pm to 6 am, got a bottle and slept from 630 am to 1030 am. It was soo nice and quiet this morning. Usually they are up about 830 or 9. They set their own bedtime. Now at 830, they get tired and cranky, so we just put them in bed and they fall asleep. That is until tonight. I put them in bed and they screamed and screamed and screamed. So I went in and got them, laid them on my bed and what happens? They look right at me and flash me the biggest "I've got you wrapped so tight around my finger, you ain't ever coming off". Sheesh..

Well I should be going to bed. Night all!

November is a month I'll always hold dear...

• November 4th 2007: Egg Retrieval..5 eggs
• November 5th 2007: 4 mature and fert
• November 9th 2007: 2 embryos survived the week and were transfered
• November 10th 2007: felt sharp pains that took my breath away (3 times)
• November 14th 2007: Started spotting, got very bad feelings
• November 16th 2007: HPT had a VERY faint positive
• November 18th 2007: HPT had another VERY faint positive
• November 19th 2007: Beta test, My RE called me personally and said

"Hi Tina, It's Dr. N...... Did the bleeding stop? Good, Good. Listen, you're pregnant sweetie."

OH MY GOODNESS!!!

• November 29th 2007: TWINS!

That was my November 2007. Crazy how one month can totally change your whole life. It was a change for the better and I am so blessed to have these two perfect, beautiful girls in my life. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Katherine and Karly turn 4 months!

I wanted to say "Thank You" to all the comments yesterday. It's nice to know there are shoulders out there to lean on and an ear to listen. Thanks again and big (((HUGS))) to you!

I love this photo :)

4 months today!!

Katherine Emily:

Katherine is smiling a lot more than she used to. Sometimes we even get a giggle out of her. She is also starting to hold on to her pony and doesn't drop it. She isn't really interested in chewing on anything but her hands and today, she found her foot and wouldn't let it go. She loves watching Yo Gabba Gabba with daddy in the evening. Her body just goes crazy when it comes and on. She laughs and kicks and waves her arms about. She hasn't really found her voice and when she babbles, it's kind of quiet, almost a whisper. She loves kisses and loves giving kisses. She now sleeps from 9:30 to about 5:30, then from 6 to 9. Lovin' it! She is also trying to sit up although she's no where near that. Tummy time is starting to be fun for her and she loves her solids. Cereal with bananas and applesauce.

Karly Elizabeth:

Karly has started to babble a lot. She squeals with excitement or yells when she's mad. She smiles almost non stop, giggles a lot and it's very loud. When she stares at you, you know she's trying to figure something out. Shes found her thumb and is very good at self soothing and putting herself back to sleep. Karly is starting to sleep through the night. She usually goes to sleep at 930 and wakes up about 7, eats then sleeps until 9ish. She loves grabbing toys, batting at them and loves staring at her feet. She loves her cereal, although she hasn't lost the tongue thrust yet so it's a bit difficult to feed her. She is losing it slowly though.

I may be missing a few things but there is an update on my 4 month old babies :).

My boss invited me to a jewelry party. She knows my current predicament and told me getting out with the girls and having some fun would be good for me. Shes had some bad life spells too (her dad died, hubby left her and the kids) so she said it's time for some things to go back to normal and to have some fun. So I guess I'll be going. My hubby will be taking care of the little ones.

I'm also going to the work christmas party. It's just us girls (that work at the center). There should be drinking and having lots of fun. I didn't enjoy it much last year because I was secretly pregnant and couldn't drink and was afraid to jump and dance around lol. I also wanted to avoid the "why aren't you drinking" question. This year should be more fun.

Last night, I took the first dose. It made me very sleepy. Of course, I don't notice any effect but that can take weeks. I'm jus surprised at how tired I am. Good thing I took it at night.

"You have good, beautiful babies"....

Is what the dr said as I told him the PPD wasn't going away. He said I should be happy, and I'm not. I tried to explain that I am happy with my children and I love them dearly but I couldn't stop crying long enough to explain it. I'm just sad. It's not that I don't love my girls or my life, I'm just sad. Sad all the freakin' time. I'm uptight. I want people to stop talking to me.
Them: "Are they twins?"
Me: "Are you stupid? NO, they're not. The hospital was having buy one get one..."
Them: "Boy/Girl"
Me: "Yes, I dress my boy in PINK to throw stupid people off but I couldn't fool you!"
etc etc etc...
I wish I could say I've never actually said this but I have. Once when I was at a table waiting for for our food to arrive. I mostly just mumble under my breath and dart away. In all honesty, I should be happy to have people fall over themselves trying to see my girls...but I don't.

Post Partum depression sucks!!!!

The therapist says...

• You had a difficult time getting pregnant
• You have a history of anxiety and depression
• You didn't have a good delivery (it ended with me getting pumped with zanax)
• You had twins
• You do it by yourself
• No family visited you in the hospital, where you stayed for 5 days, mostly alone

What did you think was going to happen?

Oh I DON'T KNOW! Maybe I thought it would dandelions and puppy dogs.......

EDITED: He put me on Prozac...

Solids..

We gave the girls solids as per doctors request. It is supposed to keep Karlys weight up while she recovers from her stomach virus and keep her liquids in by weighting them down. The bananas are to bind her so she'll stop with the runny bms. So she also suggested that Katherine start solids to help with her reflux before it gets worse...so we did.

Katherine and her cereal. She kept chewing on her fingers while eating so she got it everywhere. Too cute :)

Karly loves her food. She loves bananas. My little monkey :).

Halloween pics :)

Resting after a night of trick or treating :)

Katie needed a few minutes to sleep before continuing.

In the stroller looking at all the funny dressed people

My Butterfly and my Poodle...my poodle isn't happy at all..

Our Halloween Day outfits

Even tired would say I'm tired haha..

I am exhausted! For some reason, my body has decided that it only needs minimal sleep before it's time to get up but doesn't think of everything it has to do before it goes to bed again.

Last night, I went to bed at 11, after everything was done for the day. I painted, cleaned, finished laundry, washed and made bottles for the night and today.

At 3:30 am, Katherine wakes up, probably thinking it's really 4:30 and since she had thrown up her bottle the night before and went to sleep on an ounce of Pedilyte, I decided to feed her. She went back to sleep but I couldn't. When I finally felt drowsy enough, Karly woke up to eat. It was 5:30 am, she usually eats around 6 so I got up to feed her. When she was finished, sun was shining (kind of) and my body decided it was time to go to work.

Today has been a long day. I cleaned the garage, organized boxes and took care of the babies. Everything was going good and at 230 I layed on the sofa with a Karly and a bottle. When she finished, she was asleep, so I joined her. It must of been right after I fell into a deep sleep that I noticed my stomach felt warm and wet. I opened my eyes in time to see Karly vomit all over herself. I sat up to grab the burp cloth and she vomited on the couch. I tried to get her over the floor (that I can clean) and she vomits on dh. I look down and am covered with it. She starts crying. I carry her into the bedroom, take off my shirt and undress Karly. She continues crying and I noticed it was coming out of her nose. After cleaning her and myself up, I thought it was over. Karly has reflux and is always spitting up (granted this was more but I'm not going to go crazy over 1 vomit session) so I put her in her bouncer and went to look at my very expensive not yet paid off suede and leather sofa. It is very much ruined. If anyone knows how to clean this, the advice is greatly appreciated.

So while holding her after this debacle, I smell a stinky diaper so I lay her down to change her and let me tell you..I was not good. It was awful. I decided with the vomit and now this, I'd take her to the dr. There they told me that she probably has a virus and to give it 3 to 4 days and if it's worse, come back. Great! Now I can only feed Karly 2 ounces per feeding. Do you know what it's like to take a bottle away from a hungry baby and tell her she can have more in an hour? It's heartbreaking.

I'm exhausted...

Been a bit..

Okay. Life is so hectic right now.

1. We live in a very small "studio" type place. We have a bedroom, bathroom, livingroom, kitchen. It's livable, just small. Half of our room is our bedroom. Half of the room belongs to the girls. The girls have taken over the living room as well. The hallway is full of clutter and life is just a mess. So, we've decided to redue the bedroom. That means rearranging it. Before, it was more ours than theirs. I realized, if you rearrange it the right way, it's big enough to be half and half. After some remodeling, painting (to make it more girly) and adding some shelves, the room looks way bigger than it is and all the girls stuff is playable and usable. Next we have living room. Another nice size room but a room we've taken over in our 5 years of marriage. Things we've collected, magazines, and lots of junk. Slowly, I've been packing all of the "junk" away to be used one day when we have a bigger place (maybe a few years..this will NOT work when the girls are bigger). We will be working to get rid of the oversized entertainment center and the huge computer desk, to a smaller version of both to make more room for all babies toys and more room for the to crawl around and play. You enter through the hallway, so there's lots of crap there too. Life is being happy with what you have, right? Well we are trying to make it work :).

2. In the mist of all of this, I've gone back to work. Monday and Tuesday were hard. Today was easier. The days go by much faster which I don't like. I enjoy my girls in the morning, then leave them with either my hubby or my mother in law. Work isn't too bad. It goes fast and I don't have a lot to do. The kids are pretty good and the room is tidy so not much cleaning.

so lifes a bit crazy...

Vacation photos!

These are some photos from our vacation. They are all located on my myspace page and facebook. My myspace is www.myspace.com/xoxo623, feel free to add me :)

After driving for 10 hours, we stopped at the Fairfield Inn. There we got a very nice suite for a hefty sum. Mommy and Daddy had to pay alot because all the hotels were booked. We loved and even though we had our own beds, we wanted to sleep in the big King size bed they were in. We all fit nice :)

After 12 hours on the road, we arrived at our GG's house. GG is mommys grandma. My mommy said I'm named after her. We stayed at her house the whole time we were there. We liked it there. It was very loud at times but a lot of people came over and everyone wanted to hold us.

I didn't so much like the 12 hour trip and had a very serious melt down. Aunt Christian tried to hold me but I wanted no part in it. Mommy had to take me into the bedroom for some alone time before I was socialable.

Grandma Barb came to visit us. She is my mommys mommy. She gave us new clothes and lots of kisses. We like her.

After a few days at GG's house, we went to visit Grandpa Craig and Grandma Teresa. This was mommys Daddy. He didn't know what t do with us because we are small but he said next year he would take us to a bunch of fun places. He did feed me a bottle though.

We went on a walk and my daddy saw this spider. Mommy ran away from it and yelled for daddy not to take us closer to it. Daddy did anyway and took a photo of it. Mommy didn't like that. It was really big!

Grandpa bought us these cardinals pjs. We are a little to big for them but that's ok. It wasn't too cold, so we were good. Mommy had to ask grandpa several times to hold us at the same time.

While we were in Springfield, Mommy and Daddy went to a place called Bass Pro Shops. Mommy thought it would be cute to put me in the chair and Daddy took a picture. Mommy likes the chair. I just want to get out of it.

Daddy took a picture of mommy taking care of us.

When we got back from Springfield, we went to visit my great grandma Gracie. She is my mommys mommys mommy or something like that. While we were there, our aunt Amber came to visit. She had fun playing with her. We like her.

This is our great grandma gracie. She said we were beautiful. She had so much fun feeding us and holding us. Of course, mommy made her hold both of us for a photo op. We didn't have any pants on because it got really hot in Missouri that day.

Grandma Barb wanted to babysit us so mommy and daddy could run to the store. Mommy told grandma she had to feed us both at the same time. She did and they thought it was funny. I don't know why it was funny but they thought it was.

When we went home, mommys brother came over. Uncle Eric got to hold us for awhile but he didn't stay long because he was moving into a new house. We had fun with him and his lady friend.

After church, where mommy had us prayed for, we went the house of one of mommys friends moms, or something like that. Her name is Wanda. Mommy said she spent more time at her house then she spent at her own. We liked this lady. She gave us a bunch of toys.

Daddy decided it was time to sleep in one day. We decided to sleep in with him. Mommy got up and visited.

Our great Aunt Brenda bought us these outfits. MOmmy loves them! We don't know yet.

This is our Granny Madge. She made us the funny hats and the matching blankets. She drove a long way to make sure she got to meet us. It was a lot of fun.

Surprise! Mommy bought us each a chair and a hat that say "My first fishing Hat" whatever that means. I assume we'll be going fishing soon?

Aunt Christian and her fiance' stopped by on our last night there to say by to mommy. We got a cute photo.

Finally, we got GG with both of us. Mommy misses GG very much but we had a great time and we will see her again next year. Thanks for looking!

I'm back!

Day 1. We left New Jersey at 1:50, arriving in Zanesville at 10:30 pm. We ended up having to pay a large amount to stay at a Fairfield Inn because all others were booked. The room was nice though, but still too much to pay for such a short stay.

Day 2: We leave Zainesville (OH) around 10:00 am. We arrived in Missouri around 7:00 pm. The girls had mostly been quiet but for some reason when we hit Missouri, all hell broke loose. They were so tired of being in the car and they screamed. We had to stop at every exit to calm them down. We got to my grandmas at 9:30 pm. We were up until 1 am. (This is my grandma Mary, Katherine was named after her.)

Day 3: Today was a pretty relaxing day, for the most part. We didn’t do anything. We sat at my grandmas and played with the girls. They REFUSED to nap. By 5, Karly could not stop herself from full on screaming. She was over stimulated, exhausted and just a mess. I finally had her calm when my sister came and took her. She got a little upset but she was able to calm her down. It was nice seeing my sister finally meet my babies. My aunt, uncle and cousins came over. They all got to meet my sweeties as well. At 10, they were changed and dressed and in bed. I joined soon after.

Day 4: Today was a nice day. We went out, did some shopping and went to lunch. The girls did very well. My mom, other sister and some friends came over. I got to meet my moms boyfriend. He’s okay I guess. It was very hectic. I made dinner for everyone, we ate and then after everyone left, I visited with my grandma and we went to bed.

Day 5: We arrived in Springfield today about 4. We visited with my dad and had dinner. It was nice seeing my dad with the babies, although he said he didn’t know what to do lol.

Day 6: HOT! The weather is so warm for October. I was expecting nice cool fall days. I should of known better. After all, this is Missouri. Today we left for Springfield. It’s about an hour from where we are staying. We are staying at my dads house there until Friday. We went shopping at Bass Pro (my hubby loves it there) and ate at the Incredible Pizza Place. Katherine loved the game room, with all the sounds, people and lights, but Karly didn’t like it so much. I ate too much!

Day 7: Another hot day. Today we left Springfield and headed down in Waynesville to see my Grandma Gracie. She is the other great grandma to my girls. We spent a few hours there and then went to my moms work so I could visit her for a few. After leaving there, we went to meet and guy I kind of grew up with in my teen years. His name is Kyron. My hubby has a misconstrued image of Kyron and I. He’s just a boy I crushed on so bad, but never started anything with because he was my brothers friend and said I was “like a sister” (gag). Anyway, my husband says he now knows why I like the actors Josh Lucas (sweet home Alabama) and Kevin Costner (you know him) because he looks like “the illegitimate child of the two of them, if that were possible lol. I don’t see it. After that, we headed back to my grandmas.

Day 8: One week down. I can’t believe it’s been a week already. Today is Saturday. We headed back up to Waynesville and spent the day with my mom, sister and grandma Gracie. My mom and grandma bought them the cutest outfits!! My mom and grandma did all the work. They fed them, changed them and rocked them to sleep. I’m really starting to miss my babies. I rarely hold them, unless it’s their 5 am feeding (which they have been doing all week!). Karly is starting to say Mummmmm when she cries. My hubby teases and says we have a British child lol. Katherine is starting to Coo. It’s so precious. Karlys personality is getting much more bubbly. She just loves to laugh and coo, making herself known to everyone. Anyway, we did a lot more shopping, while my mom watched them and then went back to my Grandma Mary’s, visited with my brother and his girlfriend then relaxed. Not to much of that going on.

Day 9: Today was a very nice day. The weather was beautiful and we went to church. I‘ve gone to that church since I was little and it was nice to be back there. My preacher was also my school bus driver. I never got away with anything lol. It was nice to see him and his wife again. I asked my grandma to set up the girls dedications to the Lord. It was a very memorable day. The Lord gave me my babies and today I promised them back. After church, we went to Steak and Shake to meet my sister, her fiancé, my friend and her husband. Very nice day and lots of visiting. After lunch, we headed over to my friends moms house so her mom and dad could meet the girls. This was another AW moment for me because these people were like another set of parents. They were so good to me when I was growing up. I was always welcomed into their home and they always treated me like one of their own. I enjoyed visiting them.


Day 10: The weather is getting a little cooler. Today is not so much a good day. My uncle had to be admitted into the hospital. I’m not sure if I’ve blogged about him before. He had a large tumor removed from his head and they said it contained lung cells but have been unable to find any cancer anywhere. Then they found it in his lymph nodes. He did a bit of chemo and radiation and started natural medicines with a natural healer. He’d been doing great since yesterday but yesterday he started retaining water and today it’s in his lungs and around his heart. They’ll have to drain it. We went up to my moms work to visit her again and then went to lunch. We were going to do a few more things but didn’t get around to it.

Day 11: Today we did a little more shopping (I know!) and went to lunch. We left for Springfield again to visit with my dad some more. I wish he wasn’t so far from my grandmas. My hubby, girls and I, went to a very nice resturant for some quiet family time, then headed to my dads house.

Day 12: We were supposed to visit Branson and do some activities there but it decided to rain. My dad slept most of the day and we went to visit my uncle in the hospital. They said he isn’t doing too well. He has cancer everywhere and it’s a little to late to do anything for it. I am so sad. He’s only 55. The fluid they took out of his heart, contained cancer cells and they can’t to chemo or radiation on the heart. I told him to call cancer centers of america and they told him the same thing! So much for their stupid commercials. The drs have given him 2 months! I’m heartbroken. We left the hospital in pretty poor spirits but were supposed to treat my step mom to dinner for her birthday. We went to the Golden Corral and then came home, watched ghost hunters and Indiana Jones and then went to bed.

Day 13: Today I left my dads house and went back to the hosptial to visit my uncle before leaving Springfield. It’s sad knowing I may not see him again. He looked okay. In 2001, I came home to visit my grandpa and found out he had lung cancer. They told him in June he had 3 months and this was in August. He looked so good that I thought he’d be okay and that I’d see him again. He died 2 weeks later in his sleep. That puts a little fear in you and knowing that, I’m not going to assume that my uncle will be here next year. I hope and pray that he is but I can’t take for granted that he will be. After leaving the hospital, we went to the Childrens Orchard, Bass Pro shop and then headed to lunch before leaving Springfield. Once we got back to my Grandma Marys it was time to head over to my great aunts house to meet my granny madge (yep, the one that made the adorable hats J ). We visited with them for several hours, then I headed back to make dinner. Yes…I’m exhausted! Karly has a tooth coming in I think, she has a bump and is sooo cranky. My sister and her intended came by again and we ate and goofed off.

Day 14. My last day at home. As of today I have driven 680 miles and that’s just from Lebanon, to Sprinfield to Waynesville. That doesn’t include the 1100 miles it took to get here. We took my grandma out to eat and I promised her that I’d show her how to make lasagna before I left, so I did today. My mom and her sister came over and they ate with us. Other than that, I spent the day doing laundry and packing. The girls got so much stuff it was hard to put it all back. They have some adorable outfits (not that they didn’t before).

Day 15: Vacation is over. It’s time to go home. It’s 7 am, and the car is mostly packed. I’m feeling sad. My uncle is supposed to be coming over (they let him come home) and he just lives next door, so I’m not sure when. Then I’m going to return the PNP that my friends mom let me borrow while I was here then I’m heading for my moms house to say bye to her. This is the most painful part. I always cry leaving my dad, then I say bye to my grandma and I cry the hour to my moms house, then I cry for most of the traveling day. BUT this year I have my own family. I’m not just going back to New Jersey, I’m going home with my husband and daughters. I’m going home to enjoy one more week with my girls and then next Monday I start back to work. I’ve never had this before. Every year, I was going back to New Jersey with my husband but to his family, his home and more fertility treatments. Or I was just going back to a lonely home. I still don’t want to leave my family. I always think “will they be here next year?” I know that’s a horrible way to think, but it’s true. God gives you a certain number of years and you have no way of knowing when they are up. So I’ll be leaving in about an hour and should probably start getting up and around.


The trip home was uneventful....thank Goodness. Pics to come later..........
　

Going home tomorrow..

2 weeks old

11 weeks old (same outfit)

I'll update when I get back :)

Okay...

The girls got their shots yesterday. When we went in, they were weighed and measured.

Katherine:

11 pounds, 5 ounces

23 inches long

60 percentile

Karly:

10 pounds, 9 ounces

22.5 inches long

50 percentile

Katherine got her shots first. I layed her on the table and she looked at me and smiled. I placed her paci in her mouth and put my hands on her. When they stuck the first needle in, her eyes got really wide, you could tell she was completely surprised. When the second one went in, she started screaming. It was over though so I go to pick her up and hold her immediatly. She cried for about a minute and then held on to me. I felt so bad.

Karly got her shots second. While I was calming Katherine. Donald didn't get to put the paci in because she was enjoying her sugary rotavirus when they started sticking her. He said her face got red and she started screaming. Donald picked her up and gave her her ducky (paci).

Both were calm and ready for tylenol when we left the office but that was when we realized that we had forgotten the diaper bag in the foyer at home! We had a ton of errands to run but needed the tylenol. We ran home (well drove), grabbed the bag, dosed the babies and continued on our day. The girls were very sleepy. They didn't cry to much and last night, they layed in bed with me and fell asleep. They slept until 5 this morning and woke up for a bottle. Then we slept until 9.

Today I had a therapy appointment. I have poor self esteem and today I wanted to talk about my fear of passing it to my daughters. I've always believed that children (esp girls) need to be told how beautiful and smart they are daily. I've always done so in my classroom. I do so with my girls now. I tell them every morning how wonderful they are. Now comes my shallowness. I've never liked myself. I've been overweight for the last several years and even before I hated myself.

I don't want my girls to have my weight problem but how do you control it without them knowing it and causing poor self esteem? My theory, was to teach them how to eat from the beginning. Telling them they have to do a physical activity. They can do anything they chose but it must be physical. When my therapist was holding Katherine, I was telling her about how I worried that Katherine would be the one I worry about weight wise. Shes going to be big boned, you can tell when you hold her. Shes very stocky and the women in my family are all stocky. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful! However, this is what I worry about. Karly is so tiny, even though her weight is normal. She's just tiny. I joke that she will be my cheerleader and Katherine will be my soccer player. Okay now that I feel like a horrible mother....

But my fears are my fears. My therapist was able to talk me over the ridiculous anxieties and panic that I fear. I fear various things and although they may seem far fetched to some, they are realistic to me.

I last blogged that I was afraid of SIDS. We talked about that as well. She said worrying won't make it not happen, so why make myself sick. She gave me the same advice when I was going through our third IVF. She said "Think positive. Once the embryos are in, think yourself pregnant. What's the worse that could happen? You find out it didn't work? You'll be heartbroken but you will pick yourself up and continue." That got me through and the day I found out I was pregnant, I can't even begin to explain the relief I felt!

At the end of the day, I have two beautiful girls sleeping in the crib at the end of my bed. Dreaming of angels and who knows what else. A year ago tomorrow, I was preparing for IVF # 3 and would be starting stims in 20 days. What a difference a year makes.

Shots tomorrow

The girls have an 8 am appointment to get their 2 month shots. I made my husband take the day off to help me with the babies because when they got their hep b shot, they were miserable. Then we have to get the car inspected, head to walmart then come home with our tylenol dosed infants. Today was nice relaxing rainy day. I cleaned the house, shampooed the carpet, took a nap with the babies and even watched a movie with hubby. Everything was fine until it was time to put babies down for bed. I started at 8:30 with bottle and they went to sleep at 10. It would of been better if there hadn't been so much crying.

There is something bothering me though. SIDS. This is just a cruel joke to parents. Hey, you're pregnant! You give birth, you have this amazing human being or two or three and then one morning they're gone. I'm so afraid of this and there is nothing I can do about it and that terrifies me.

A breath..

I'm a mommy. A very happy mommy with a few problems which I posted about BUT today was a great day. Here's what I did today:

• Woke up at 9 with two beautiful babies sleeping next to me.
• Got up around 9:15 because Karly woke up
• Put Karly in her bouncer and moved it to the bathroom
• Grabbed my bath stuff and took a shower.
• Got clothes together for the three of us
• Got myself dressed
• Got bottles
• Fed both babies at the same time :)
• Gave babies a bath and dressed them
• Put them in their carseats and went out
• Had a long lunch with a friend at Chilis.
• Got home at 2
• Spent family time on bed
• All of us fell asleep
• Got up at 6 and made dinner
• Fed Karly
• Ate dinner
• Fed Katie
• Played
• Read books
• 8:30 Karly in bed
• Currently Daddy and Katie are watching Larry the Cable guy and I'm posting

It was a very good day. Vacation is a week from today. I'm really looking foward to it.

Not feeling like a good mommy..

This is my blog, where I can write how I feel. So, how do I feel today? Not very good. Last night we found out we had a mouse in the room the girls spend their day. Not good. Instead of being able to deal with that, Katherine had to take that time to scream her head off instead of going to sleep. After about an hour of dealing with that, I looked at her and in a very firm voice said "Katherine, Stop." She whimpered a bit and then stopped. Not because I told her too but because she had finally exhausted herself. She cried off and on before finally falling asleep. We still have a mouse. Right now, Katie is sleeping on my body pillow in the bedroom. Not the safest way to sleep but the only way she would. So I've been checking on her every few minutes. This morning, she cried and cried and cried. I ignored her for the most part because there is nothing I can do for her. Karly gets ignored all the time. This morning, I loved on Karly, who didn't get anything last night because of Katie.

I love them both to pieces and it hurts when I feel like a bad mom. Once they wake up from their nap my hubby will be home and we can cuddle together as a family and hopefully there will be no screaming.

It's also raining. It's dreary and these are good book and nap days but when you have a baby, there are no more book and nap days. Do I regret my girls? Not in the least but I've started to miss a part of me that doesn't exist anymore. The girl who loved to read and go out with friends, the girl that loved to work and go to the movies. Things I don't see myself enjoying anymore.

That being said, I am going back to work in 5 weeks and I'm scared as hell to do so. What do I do if my girls need me? What if they cry for me? Won't I be getting something I wanted back? A part of me? But it's a part of me without my girls.

Oh I don't know..today is not a good day.................

Gifts from Granny